


Xenian

by themarginalartist



Series: Xenian AU [1]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: ADHD Gordon, Benrey and Gordon were friends as kids, Body horror tw, Just... Not in the way anyone thought, Not A Game AU, Some Frenrey in here building it up slowly though, Tommy and G-Man are also aliens because yes, it’s light but just in case anyone’s super yucked out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:15:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26221741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themarginalartist/pseuds/themarginalartist
Summary: Gordon gets back to his apartment and heads to bed, totally normal right? Except regrowing a whole ass arm overnight is not exactly normal.Not to mention the weird dreams about Xen, probably the trauma from the Resonance Cascade and shit, definitely nothing to be concerned about nope.Oh and Benrey's back. Spouting absolute nonsense. As per fucking usual. Really going ham on that friends as kids bullshit.But Benrey's an alien and Gordon's human.Right?------An AU based on the idea that Benrey and Gordon were kids and played in the mud together, just not Earth mud.
Series: Xenian AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1994701
Comments: 141
Kudos: 375
Collections: Xenian AU





	1. Chapter 1

Gordon had been happy to be back in his shitty two bedroom apartment, drained from the absolute Hell that was Black Mesa. Peeling off everything and finally getting to shower and feeling the warm water on his skin had been amazing. He just wanted to wash every bit of alien gunk off of him and not think about the repercussions to the local waste treatment plant and climb into bed. 

He probably should care a little more that he’s rinsing off alien viscera and other bits off him… Black Mesa probably would do a clean out of the water treatment plant? Who knows, it’s not his problem now. 

His hair was the hardest to clean off, not just because of lack of an arm, but because it was thick and long, and his normal messy bun or ponytail would have been enough to hold off problems but it became an absolute rats nest from the week of being stuck in Black Mesa. It was especially tangled up considering all the various times he had to swim through something, the various times he’d had to duck out of the way of a headcrab launching at his face, and the whole mess of being in an alien dimension and using portals. 

The portals probably didn’t make his hair worse, but he was still bitter about having to go to Xen. 

When his fingers brush along the faded scar hidden in his hair he sighs, trying to ignore the thoughts that bubbled up. Now’s not the time to think about that Gordon. No childhood thoughts. Gotta be no thoughts, head empty. You did good for yourself. Gabe and Lisa have always said how proud of you they are. And that’s the opposite of head empty Gordon, dammit. 

He focuses back on the shower when he realizes he’s been staring a hole into one of the tiles on the wall. Once satisfied that no ounce of filth remained he got out, dried off, and promptly passed out in his bed after slapping some underwear and pj bottoms on. 

XXXXXXXXX

His dream was... bizarre to say the least. 

He was back in Xen, splashing around in one of the shallow pools, another shape hanging by the edge but he couldn’t really see them clearly. And he was much, much smaller than normal? Looking at his reflection he saw unearthly glowing green eyes stare back from the child reflected in the pool. 

Why was he a kid? Why did he not feel scared by this? He knows he grew up in Seattle, not fucking Xen. Stupid Xen and Benrey bullshit can’t have shit in the aftermath of the Resonance Cascade, probably his brain deciding he needed more trauma or something. He ignores the feeling of Xen being the right place to be in… Almost home like. Which is total bullshit because he grew up in _Seattle_ ! And his eyes don’t fucking glow either, yes they’re a rather intense green but they don’t _glow_!

He turned to the kid to say something but it was too distant somehow, like he was underwater in the dream, unable to make out the response back from the dark shape that turned out to be another child, bright yellow eyes with a faint glow and a sharp grin stepping closer. The dream faded eventually, slipping into a nightmare of the military ambush that removed his arm. 

He tossed and turned for a while before snapping upright in the dark, having woken up at the point where the military men had dumped him into the trash compactor in the right end this time and felt like he was suffocating as the machine slowly crushed him, metal of the HEV suit digging into his chest and puncturing his skin. Breathing hard he reached for his phone to check the time, groaning and flopping down when it read 4:26AM. He stared at the ceiling but realized it was no use. He wasn’t getting back to sleep any time soon, already shaking off the dream and nightmare, he rolled out of his bed and went to go make coffee. It’s not until he’s taking a long sip of his second cup that he does an intense spit take. 

He stares with wide eyes, flexing the elbow, then the wrist, then the individual fingers on his right hand. The one he’d lost to the military ambush. He blinked and then tried shutting his eyes for a few seconds and reopening them but it was still there, not a hallucination. There’s no pain, no numb feeling, able to touch and feel with it as well. He slowly traced the skin from elbow to wrist, then to each of the fingers. And in the now warm glow of sunrise he could see there wasn’t even a scar along the spot it was cut off. 

Almost like it regrew...

Gordon finally snaps out of his thoughts to clean up the mess he made. Once that’s complete he goes to the bathroom to get a better look at his arm under the brighter light. And there’s nothing to denote it’s not real or a hallucination, it supports his weight and everything, he tested with a couple of push ups to be sure. Even the small mole that was near his wrist is there. 

He may have panicked and called the science team up shortly after his test for hallucinations.

He also may not have given them his apartment address.

And he may have also just incoherently said/shouted ‘I HAVE ARM’ before hanging up. 

But the science team somehow all knew exactly where he lived and knocked on his door politely about an hour later. Well, Tommy knocked politely, Bubby and Coomer banged on his door so loud he had to apologize to his neighbors. Once they were reasonably happy with the apology and left Gordon returned to the team, pulling the two chairs at his dining table over to sit with them.

“Okay Gordon, what the hell does ‘I have arm’ mean.” Bubby asks after they sit down around his small living room. 

“For someone who’s supposed to be a scientist you’re super unobservant.” Gordon says dryly as he shows off the arm that had previously been removed thanks to the same scientist. 

“Wow! That’s great mister Freeman!” Tommy smiles. 

“I mean yeah but it’s really weird right? And the strange thing is there’s no scarring? Like it doesn’t even look like I lost it in the first place?” Gordon frowns, “Did your dad do this somehow?” He asks. 

“Huh? No my- my dad was going to get people to work on a prosthetic, spec-special Black Mesa patent one. But- but I’ll call him real- real fast to see, like- like a cheetah chasing a gazelle.” Tommy excuses himself from the main area to make the call, Sunkist trailing behind him. 

“I don’t know why we bothered coming. Obviously you’re fine.” Bubby snorts. 

“It is a little odd!” Coomer chuckles, “But don’t look a gift horse in the mouth Gordon! I’m just glad you have it back.” 

“You two seriously don’t question shit enough.” Gordon rubs his face. 

“And you question too much!” Bubby snaps unhelpfully. 

It was going to devolve into an intense argument about questioning things, but thankfully Tommy came back into the room with a confused look. 

“What’d he say?” Gordon asks, tilting his head. 

“He uh- he seemed really surprised? And said he’d cancel the prosthetic one. And to say congrats on getting your arm back.” Tommy rubs the back of his head. 

“That- that doesn’t explain the arm then!” Gordon groans and rubs his face. 

“Again, don’t question it Gordon!” Coomer smiles. 

“That’s not what a rational scientist would do!” 

“Then fucking don’t be rational.” Bubby groans. 

They end up arguing about the arm until lunch, breaking to eat, and resuming for dinner. Gordon is convinced it’s something Benrey or Xen did while Bubby is firmly in the camp of ‘it doesn’t fucking matter’ and Coomer won’t question it. Tommy just stayed out of it with a shake of his head and played with Sunkist. 

They stay for dinner as well, and Gordon offers the science team to stay the night. They all end up shrugging and agreeing with Gordon is glad for because he’s starting to panic a little at the idea of Benrey or Xen somehow giving him his arm back. It brought too many thoughts to his head from the incident that was still far too fresh in his mind. It had only been one day since the Resonance Cascade, but still, too soon for weird shit involving him and regrowing body parts and the utter ass of a security guard that turned out to be an alien. Gordon’s mind starts slowing down and eventually they settle down to allow sleep to overtake them in Gordon’s living room.

XXXXXXXXX

He’s back in Xen again as a child, playing with the same kid as last time, on one of the floating islands with a pool on it. They both watch a baby headcrab skitter around, before the other kid, a mostly black blur in the moment, jumps at it and captures it. 

“Yes!” Gordon cheers as he runs over to the other kid. “You caught it! What should we name it?”

“Joshua.” The other kid grins with a mouth full of sharp teeth looking quite proud of himself, black hair a fluffy mess making him look a lot more like a wild animal. 

“Joshua it is!” Gordon giggles as he pets the top of the headcrab and it makes a chirping noise. 

There’s a rumble of something in the distance that sets both Gordon and the other kid on edge. 

“We- we should get home...”

“Y-yeah.”

The two run, taking the newly named headcrab to a different island, making jumps that shouldn’t really be possible for their much smaller legs. They get to a sheltered alcove, a deep tunnel to an absolutely stunning cave gently lit by the glow of a green pool and some vegetation. It’s ceiling feels like it’s miles above them. 

The other kid sets Joshua down, allowing it to skitter toward the pool and the vegetation, before turning to Gordon. Whatever the kid said is lost however as Gordon begins to wake up.

XXXXXXXXX

Gordon doesn’t startle awake but his eyes open and a deep frown comes across his features. 

“...I did not fucking name my son after a headcrab.” Gordon growls out, a little too loud as he makes Sunkist raise her head, but luckily no one else wakes up. 

He looks at his phone, seeing 3:47AM makes hiss from the screen brightness and the time. He settles back down, getting back to sleep this time after hearing the gentle snoring of the science team. 

When he wakes up at a later hour he pretends he didn’t have a dream about naming a headcrab Joshua and makes sure to call his son at a reasonable hour after the science team says their goodbyes. 

Gordon spends most of his time picking up around the apartment for the next three days. Finally getting a chance to deep clean the place after being gone for so long. He’d been sleeping in the dorms for… Probably the last month? Thank god his ex had been understanding about taking care of Joshua during that time. He’d honestly been glad for the fact he didn’t usually buy things that spoiled, mostly canned goods and dry foods, able to feed himself and others but nothing amazing really. And since Black Mesa is now toast, he’s actually going to get some real food. 

After he cleans out the disaster that is his fridge. 

Once the cleanout is complete and the trash taken out he makes a list of things he needs from the store and heads out after locking his door behind him. He finally felt like he was on an even footing. Until he gets back from his grocery run to find Benrey on his couch. 

He did not scream in terror, absolutely not. But he sure as _hell_ bit Benrey’s hand when Benrey covered his mouth. 

“Bro shhh not cool.” Benrey grumbles shaking out his hand, watching the angry red marks fade. 

“Why the fuck are you: one, _alive_ ; and two, in my apartment.” Gordon hisses at him. 

“Uh regeneration duh Feetman, don’t you remember anything? Told you I wasn’t human.” Benrey asks, but not as sarcastically as he normally would have said it. “And we like, always check on each other like best bros.” He rolls his eyes. 

“We were never and are not friends Benrey, I didn’t know you until Black Mesa the literal day of the Resonance Cascade.” Gordon rubs at his face with his right hand before moving to head to the kitchen to put things away. “You literally showed up out of nowhere!”

“No I showed up outta Xen. Don’t you pay attention bro?” Benrey huffs and watches him put the last thing in the fridge. Suddenly his holding Gordon’s right arm with a wide smirk. “Yo see! Fuckin’ regenerated bro! Knew you could do it!” 

“Benrey what the fuck are you talking about!?” Gordon steps back and pulls his arm away. Internally sweating given what Benrey was saying. It’s not some kind of weird alien arm. Xen didn’t do anything to him.

“You grew it back duh. Dumb baby Feetman forgot about home and going home reminded him.” Benrey bounces on the balls of his feet. Gordon just balls his fists and shakes his head. He’s not taking this, he can’t take this, it doesn’t fucking make sense. Nothing Benrey’s said has made sense. And he’s not going to listen to another word of it!

“What?! No. No! We aren’t doing this. I’m calling Tommy and you can stay with him. Not me. Not my apartment.” Gordon sputters before he picks his cellphone out of his pocket and speed dials Tommy. 

“Wha? Come on. We used to like- sleep together all the time. Sleep over bros.” Benrey whines but Gordon tunes him out, quickly telling Tommy about Benrey over his complaining and getting Tommy to agree to take him to his house. Shoving Benrey off of him a few times while speaking to Tommy.

“Tommy is picking you up in twenty minutes.” Gordon says flatly as he goes to sit on the couch. 

“Ugh you got like so lame. We used to play in the mud and shit.” Benrey whines and drapes himself over Gordon’s shoulder only to get immediately pushed off of him.

“Shut up Benrey.”

“Make me Gordo.” 

Gordon may have snapped. A little bit. And maybe Tommy came in on Gordon wrestling Benrey on his living room floor. And maybe he had to separate them both forcibly. Tommy was way stronger than Gordon thought, and was a little scary when his eyes glowed like that. (How did Tommy’s eyes do that? Have they always done that? He is G-man’s son…) Gordon backed off after that. When Tommy finally got Benrey out of Gordon’s apartment he laid down in his bed with a long sigh. Hands rubbing down his face as he groans and curls up on the bed.

Why can’t his life be normal?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyyyyy chapter 2 time y’all! Have fun! :)

“Tommy bro, you gotta believe me, you believe me right?” Benrey pleaded with the other alien. 

“Ben it’s- it’s a little hard without proof to believe you.” Tommy stares at him with an apologetic look. “Be- Besides, Gordon isn’t like us. He doesn’t give off... Off an energy like us.” Tommy couldn’t once recall anything like that from Gordon. He was very human, which Tommy liked about him. He’s learned a lot about humans from Gordon. 

“I know Gordon is the same Gordon I grew up with. He has to be! Human’s don’t grow limbs back!” Benrey groans into his hands, desperately wishing for Tommy to believe him just a little bit. 

“Yes... They don’t... But- But mister Freeman did get a lot of- of Xen water on him... He might have drank some too? And we- we really don’t know what it does to humans.” Tommy pets Sunkist glad for her support, sighing as Benrey releases the sharp yellow annoyance colored sweet voice. 

“Yeah but that would be why he got better! He’s been missing for 21 Earth years bro. That’s a long time to not go home at least once. Especially since that’s like doubled in Xen time.” Benrey presses his palms into his two main eyes after closing them. “Like- I just- I need to know why he didn’t come back. It sounded like maybe a- a memory problem? But I can’t confirm that when he just kicks me out.” He drags his clawed hands down his face, careful to not scratch himself. 

“Benrey... I- I know that the Gordon you grew up with was like a brother to you... But- But I wouldn’t get your hopes up...” Tommy sighs, he knew Benrey had been searching for ‘Gordon’ for a long time. In fact that’s what Benrey had been doing when they first met three years ago. And it hurt knowing he was doubting Benrey, but he really was worried that Benrey wasn’t thinking straight about this, especially since it wasn’t until the fight in Xen that Benrey had started talking about Gordon being his missing friend. Beside the fact that their Gordon’s is very, very human. 

“Apologies for... The interruption. But why is he... here?” Mr. Coolatta comes around the corner, frowning at Benrey. Benrey gives him a lazy peace sign which he rolls his eyes at. 

“Gordon wouldn’t- wouldn’t let him stay at his apartment.” Tommy explains to his dad.

“I see.” Mr. Coolatta gives a small shrug, so small it is barely a shrug at all. An annoyance but it would be dealt with soon enough, besides,he was now rather interested in what the two had been conversing about before. “I could not help but... Overhear. Your conversation. And while I agree with my son. Mister Freeman has no energy like us. If you wish though. I could... Pull a few strings. Get some... Information.” He offers. 

Benrey squints at him. “...What are you asking for in return?” 

“Get mister Freeman to let you stay at his place. I do not care for your... ‘Vibes’.” 

Benrey snorts, “Cool bro. Dunno if that’ll happen soon. Or at all.”

“Then you won’t get your... Information. Soon. Or at all.” Mr. Coolatta smiles, not pleasantly, and takes his leave. 

“Sorry Benrey. I think my dad is- is just concerned about protecting me? We uh- we have pretty powerful energies already and yours is a lot too.” Tommy scratches the back of his head. 

“Nah I got it bro. Maybe Bubby and Coomer can let me crash.” Benrey sighs. 

“I- I think you should try Gordon again. Maybe- maybe he’s calmed down?” Tommy tries to stay optimistic. 

“...Nah bro... I don’t... I don’t think I can do it. Rejection sucks. Especially if- if he’s really Gordy...” A brown color drifts from his lips. 

Brown like dirt means ‘It will really hurt’. 

XXXXXXXXXX

Benrey had found the little creature bundled up in a tight ball in the cave. He’d been looking to wait out the static storm somewhere safe and came upon the trembling lump. Being so young himself Benrey didn’t know if the thing was safe. 

It wasn’t until he stepped too loud that the creature’s eyes whipped to him in fright. The glowing green of the central pair made his yellow ones blink. The green ones blinked back at him before a questioning noise was made toward him. Benrey stepped closer, giving the creature a sniff and realizing it’s like him, just smaller. 

The little creature gives a small warning hiss but is quickly cut off in a yelp as the static storm draws closer. Benrey instantly is at the other’s side. He’s going to protect it. He’s not alone now, and the other won’t be either. The little creature looks up at him in surprise, tears welling up before clinging to Benrey. Benrey sings quietly, calming blue lights filling the cave as he holds onto them. 

Once the other has calmed down it starts asking questions immediately. “Name? Name? How long here? What here name? What here?” 

“Benrey.” He points to himself. “Some time. Xen. Home.”

“Benny?” Is the questioned attempt at his name. 

“Benrey.”

“Benny!” The little creature claps it’s upper set of hands happily, the other two pairs of arms still clinging onto him. 

“Close enough.” Benrey giggles. “Name?”

“Gord- Gord-an. Gordan.” The other struggles to say its own name. 

“Gordon?” He gets an enthusiastic nod. 

“Benny.” He gets a little pat. 

“Gordy.” He ruffles Gordon’s hair, careful of the little horns jutting out of the fluff.

“No! Gordon! Benny wrong!”

“No. You’re Gordy now.” Benrey laughs as Gordon pushes him slightly. “You keep saying Benny instead of Benrey.”

“Benny.” Gordon looks lost as to how he’s saying the wrong thing. 

“Gordy.” Benrey cackles as he gets another shove from Gordon, nuzzling Gordon lightly and eventually choosing to sing the calm blue lights again as they wait out the storm. 

XXXXXXXXXX

Benrey sighs at the memory he’d woken up from, having taken a small nap, wiping at his face before sitting up. Not fair. Memory attack out of nowhere. Rude brain. 

He couldn’t prove Gordon was really the same. But he felt it, when they got to Xen there was this energy around Gordon and it was so, so painful to keep going. Especially when Gordon didn’t know what he was talking about. He tried his best to explain himself but he’d failed pretty miserably at that mind a little scrambled from stress and Xen using him to kick out the outsiders. Gordon chose to ‘kill’ him. Even still though, Benrey had pieced himself back together as fast as he could. Just like old times. If Gordon really was Gordy he knew Gordon would be in pain when his arm grew back.

Gordon was always slower at it. To be fair though Gordon was always a lot more sensitive to pain than he was, they were similar in a lot of ways but they weren’t exactly the same. So Benrey had alway healed up faster, both to protect Gordon, and make sure he had company while whatever had been injured grew back. 

Apparently he’d been rusty though. That or Gordon’s body only having to repair one arm was much quicker than him repairing his body. Probably the latter. He still hated not being there though.

Thinking back on the energy, he’s honestly surprised that Tommy didn’t notice it. But mulling it over he realizes he knew Gordon’s energy from having lived with him for so long on Xen before he went missing. And he’d been searching for Gordon for ages, keeping in mind his energy throughout the miserably long time alone. Not to mention Gordon’s energy had been super weak. Barely there but Benrey had latched onto it like a life preserver on the ocean. 

He hadn’t noticed it all throughout Black Mesa. A little hard given all the shit that was thrown at him. But also he really can’t recall Gordon’s energy until they got to Xen. Something about going to Xen started up the little light that was Gordon’s energy. 

He sighs. He didn’t have any answers to this stuff. He wasn’t even 100% sure he wasn’t making shit up like Feetman accused him of. Feetman didn’t deserve to be called Gordy until he was sure of it. 

Even if he so desperately wanted that nickname to spark something in the duller green eyes that made them glow bright again. 

* * *

Gordon stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. 

He was still really human looking. Very human. Minus one thing that made him very anxious. 

Freckles had appeared in a random splatter across his face over the bridge of his nose. A weird addition given he didn’t have them before. But that wasn’t the biggest problem. 

They were orange, a pastel sherbet orange, and stood out in stark contrast to his darker skin tone. 

He stared a bit longer before his eyes darted to his cell that pinged a text tone. Bubby was asking if he was still going to meet up and have dinner over at Tommy’s place with them. Gordon felt a rush of fear at being in the same house as G-man as well as having to face Benrey after the bullshit of his reappearance in his apartment. He spots the freckles which had blanched white and groans in frustration making them change red. 

Fuck.

But if anyone would know what the fuck was going on it would be G-man or he loathed to admit Benrey. They probably knew what Xen bullshit this was. He’s pulled out of his thoughts by another ping, this time from Tommy asking if he’d be alright about Benrey being there. 

He lets a sigh out. He didn’t really want to deal with Benrey hounding him about knowing each other. And that thought only dregs up memories of the dreams he’s had so far. He presses his palms against his eyes, counting backwards from 30 to try and calm his mind down. 

He responds to Bubby first, giving an affirmative. Because whether or not he was afraid he needed answers. Followed by responding to Tommy, saying he’d be at least polite and not start a fight or anything as a joke. Tommy is quick to respond with a ‘Please don’t thanks! :)’ making Gordon laugh. He then sends another message, asking if he could come over early since he has a few questions that he’d like to ask G-man. 

Tommy takes a while to respond to that one, long enough that Gordon finds the concealer he’d used for a while when he needed to cover up how tired he was at work. If no one could tell he had bags under his eyes it would probably work to conceal the ‘freckles’ on his face that kept shifting colors. 

He made mental note of the colors and what his thoughts were at the time in case that was important to relay. Tommy finally gets back to him with a lengthy message. 

**Tommy:** _Sorry, had to contact my dad. He wasn’t planning on being here, but said that since you asked he’s okay to show up prior to dinner. But uh, two hours before? He has to be somewhere when we were planning to meet up. If you can’t make it he’s happy to schedule something though. He said he had a few questions for you in return._

Gordon blinks and sighs. Two additional hours to the probably three he was going to be there for dinner and movie night? 

Pros: Get answers(?) to weird bullshit colors on his face. Get answer about hand? Enjoy Tommy’s company. Be helpful guest for dinner set up. 

Cons: Have to answer questions. Have to deal with Benrey also being there. May not get answers. May have more questions. 

Fuck he needs answers now. Especially after another glance at his reflection shows the colored freckles are also on his upper arms. A quick response of ‘See you soon.’ And he goes to dig out a darker shirt so the colors on his arms are blocked out.

He can already tell it’s going to be a long visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gordon’s freckles work like sweet voice! The orange sherbet color is his neutral color, what they default to if he’s not feeling anything strongly. 
> 
> Thanks for reading this chapter! Some answers(?) and the dinner will be coming soon! 
> 
> I’m themarginalartist over on tumblr if you wanna say hi :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon asks his questions of G-man...

Gordon arrived at Tommy’s house ten minutes early. Fingers drumming against the steering wheel before he flipped down the sun visor to open the little mirror on the backside to check his concealer. He frowns as a green tea color just barely is visible under the thick layer he’d applied. He also adjusted the zip up hoodie he was wearing, glad he knew the AC would be on at Tommy’s place. He could make claims he was cold to defend wearing it. 

“Alright, Gordon. Just have to go and knock and ask some questions and answer some. And try to avoid bringing Benrey into this. Good. Have plan. Execute plan.” He mutters to sike himself up as he finally leaves his car and heads to the door to knock. He gets to the door and stares at it for about a minute before shaking his head and knocking, hearing Sunkist give a short bark and scramble to the door. Benrey is the one that opens it, but Sunkist barreling out and tackling Gordon quickly interrupts whatever either of them was about to say to each other. 

“Oof! Hey girl! Hey!” Gordon laughs as the extra large golden retriever’s tail waves frantically as she pushes him down and makes him pet her.

“Sunkist!” Tommy calls, making the dog quickly back up but still wag her tail just as fast. “Sorry she- she’s very excited to see you again.” Tommy smiles. 

“I can tell.” Gordon chuckles, internally glad she didn’t lick his face. He picks himself up, ignoring Benrey’s stare. Just don’t interact, Gordon. “Your dad available?”

“I am. Mister Freeman.” Gordon jumps slightly at the sudden appearance of Tommy’s dad behind him, freckles going white which is the most noticeable color under the concealer, but they are quick to switch to the green tea color as his anxiety builds back up. 

“I appreciate you taking the time to talk.” Gordon says as he follows Mr. Coolatta, missing the confused look Benrey gives to Tommy who just shrugs and mouths he’ll explain once they’re out of the room. Mr. Coolatta leads Gordon to an immaculately kept office. Offering him a seat before summoning his own chair out of nowhere. Gordon waits until he gives a short nod to begin. 

“Okay so... I know Tommy told you about my arm uh... Reappearing.” Gordon begins, messing with his fingers as he speaks. “But that’s not the only thing that’s happened? And I am hoping you might have an explanation?” Gordon tries to quell the uneasy feeling he gets from Tommy’s dad. 

“I am afraid I am... At a loss as to what you mean. Mister Freeman.” There is a raised eyebrow. 

“Oh uh sorry one sec.” Gordon shrugs off the zip up hoodie he’d put on, tank top underneath showing off clearly the freckles on his upper arm near his shoulders, he’d been unable to find anything darker than the hoodie in his closet. “These showed up today, they’re also on my face... Just didn’t want people to see them.” 

“I admit it is odd. Especially given their... Green color.” Mr. Coolatta says, wondering if Gordon just had a weird skin condition. He wasn’t exactly knowledgeable of everything about humans. 

Gordon gives a snort of frustration. “That’s the thing! They change colors!” The freckles in question now a bright yellow. “I just... I don’t know if they are from any of the chemicals or alien guts or fucking Xen. I just was hoping you might know.”

Mr. Coolatta blinks, shaking his head imperceptibly before he speaks up, “I am. Afraid I do not know much about... How humans work. My son is much better informed. However, we both would be unable to truly tell you. Since you are one of the first humans to go to Xen. And live.”

“...” Gordon lets out a deep sigh and pulls his hoodie back on. “I see...”

“That being said. Do keep an eye on... Your predicament. I am sure I can. Discuss with my employers. If you have more concerns than colored dots.” G-man says with a curt smile that makes Gordon’s anxiety spike. Green across the bridge of his nose a little more noticeable. “Now... If that’s all of your questions... I have a... Few. Of my own.” 

“Oh uh... right Tommy mentioned that. What would you like to know?” Gordon swallows dryly. 

“You grew up in Seattle, Washington did you not?” Gordon blinks at the very normal question, but also a very suspicious question because it sounds like G-man is trying to get his security question answers for his bank account. G-man probably had those already to be frank. 

“Yeah. Seattle is where I grew up?” Gordon answers with a slight nod. 

“Did you encounter anything odd in your childhood?” 

“Huh? No. Honestly my life was super normal until Black Mesa.” Gordon frowns. “Literally the most normal childhood you could have, stupid injuries and everything.”

“Oh? What kind of injuries?” G-man leans back, watching him. 

“I’m really sorry but why are you interested in my life story?” Gordon frowns. 

“I simply wish to. Better understand my son’s. Friends.” G-man waves the question away. 

“Alright... Well, normal kid stuff for uh humans I guess.” Gordon shrugs. “Couple broken bones, scrapes and cuts and stuff. Worst thing as a kid, because losing my arm was worse than all of those, was falling off a tire swing when I was like 6. Apparently I cracked my head open on the sidewalk that was too close to the swing.” Gordon nervously runs a hand along the scar hidden in his hair messing up his ponytail.

“I’m sure your... Parents were scared for your safety.” G-man nods. 

“Heh well... They would have been if they’d been my parents then.” Gordon snorts. “I was adopted a bit after the incident, if my real parents had been around then I don’t think they cared.” Gordon shrugs, not noticing the slight widening of G-man’s eyes. 

“Well. I’m glad you. Feel you had a good childhood regardless of. The difficulties you faced.” He covers any surprise up quickly before Gordon’s eyes dart back to him. 

“Yeah.” Gordon nods still a little weirded out to be sharing his life story with Tommy’s dad of all people. 

“I have one other question for you Dr. Freeman.” G-man catches Gordon’s attention again. “I was wondering if you could... house Benrey. He is... Not someone my son and I can... Keep around. It draws too much. Attention.” 

“I- No? It’s already been hard enough with these weird... Side effects I don’t think I can handle Benrey.” Gordon shakes his head. “Besides, he'd draw attention to me too, right?”

“Not even if... I was to pull a few... Strings and get you. A 50% increase in the amount of. Hush money for your... Service?” G-man’s eyes seem to glow. 

Gordon swallows and thinks it over, obviously this was a losing battle on Gordon’s end but he really didn’t want Benrey at his apartment. That being said, that's a hefty sum...

“...Double it. Let me get a new place. I was looking to get a house, and then I’ll let you move Benrey in with me.” Gordon’s green eyes watch Tommy’s dad. 

“...Fine.” G-man bristles only slightly, he really didn’t care how it was done he just needed Benrey out. “Do look quickly, and let me know when you decide to... Move. I’m happy to make the transition... Quick. For you.” He smiles sharply. 

“Thank you, Mr. Coolatta.” Gordon lets out the breath he was holding. “I will.” 

“A pleasure doing... Business with you. And if you have anything else you... Wish to discuss. Do not hesitate to ask for me.” G-man nods. “I must take my leave, but I am sure... Tommy and Benrey will... Appreciate your company.”

“Ah, yeah. Thank you for talking with me.” Gordon nods, following G-man out of the office and to the living room where he gets Sunkist leaping up at him, licking at his face. 

“I will be... Taking my leave.” G-man announces. 

“Bye dad!” Tommy smiles. 

“Peace out, Mr. Coolatta.” Benrey flashes a peace sign. 

“Thank you again.” Gordon nods to Tommy’s dad who nods curtly before heading off. 

“Did you have a good talk?” Tommy asks. 

“Huh? Oh yeah it was fine. Didn’t really get answers but I don’t know what I really expected.” Gordon sighs as he plants himself in between Benrey and Tommy, Sunkist still trying to lick him, making him wiggle against the dog to try and stop her from licking the concealer off. He’s definitely not mentally prepared to have even the start of that conversation with Tommy and Benrey. Plus he really didn’t want to worry Tommy about weird things just yet. 

“Were you asking about your arm?” Benrey asks, watching Gordon curiously, yellow eyes darting to the arm in question. 

“Yeah. Figured he might know if Xen did it but he didn’t.” Gordon catches Benrey’s stare making the yellow eyes turn away from him. Benrey picks at a loose thread on the pocket of the hoodie he was wearing. Gordon is at least glad for the restraint from Benrey on prodding the ‘friends’ thing but the awkward atmosphere between the three of them made him feel like he was drowning. 

“Uh... M-mister Freeman? You have- have something on your cheek?” Tommy frowns reaching over to wipe at Gordon’s face. 

“Huh? Wait Tommy-“ And he’s too late, Tommy rubbed at his cheek and managed to reveal more of the freckles. They had been a neutral orange but had quickly jumped to the green tea color as he stares at Tommy. Tommy blinks in confusion, Benrey leaning over to try and get a look, yellow eyes widening at the sight. 

“Uh... I may have- have had another question for your dad?” Gordon winces and covers his cheek with his hand. “But it’s fine, I’m sure whatever it is will clear up. Nothing to worry about! Nothing to freak out over or make a scene on!” Gordon starts breathing a little quicker. 

“...Bro you are getting too anxious you need to calm down.” Benrey says softly. 

“Huh?” Gordon frowns at being called out. 

“Green like tea means ‘Major anxiety’ Mister Freeman. At least in sweet voice... But also you’re definitely looking not okay?” Tommy frowns and gently pulls Gordon’s hand down. “It’s- It’s okay Mister Freeman. I’m sure it will be fine. But you- you don’t have to hide it from us.”

“I was trying to not worry you.” Gordon groans as he leans back. “And I feel fine. But I do need to hide it, what if someone that’s not you guys saw it? Black Mesa would lock me up forever.” Gordon shivers slightly at the thought, the now visible freckles and those still concealed turning white. 

“We-well you can apply the concealer again? But I-I think they look nice! So you don’t have to worry about us! Right, Ben?”

“Huh? Yeah, bro not weird. Chill.” Benrey nods. 

“... What about Bubby and Dr. Coomer?” Green tea again. 

“Dude. Coomer was like a clone hive mind and cyborg. And Bubby was a tube boy. I think they will be fine with it.” Benrey reaches to put a hand on Gordon’s shoulder but pulls it back, closing in on himself.

Tommy gives a look in Benrey’s direction, glad he showed some restraint, he wasn’t sure how much Gordon would appreciate Benrey touching him right now. “Yeah they- they will understand! Besides they were c-cool about your arm.” 

“They were... Even if they are wrong to not question junk.” Gordon snorts. The green going back to sherbet orange again. Gordon runs a hand through his hair. “...I-I guess I don’t mind... I don’t really love the feeling of the concealer heh... And need to redo my ponytail.” He sighs at the hairband he accidentally yanked out. “I’ll... I’ll be right back.” Gordon excuses himself, getting up to head to the restroom. 

As soon as he’s out of sight and ear shot Benrey lets out a stream of sweet voice that Tommy identifies as being conflicted. “Benrey, I’m sure Mister Freeman will be okay! Besides, he’s- he’s going to take that makeup off so we’ll see the extent of it too.” Tommy tries to reassure him. 

“It’s not that bro... I mean yeah under the assumption Feetman is 100% earthling or whatever I’d be worried and stuff. He’s a bro. Even if he killed me, water under the- the connector thing-“

“Bridge?”

“Yeah water under the bridge. But like... I- I’m trying not to get my hopes up man but it’s really hard.” Benrey rubs his arm, groaning slightly as he curls up further in his corner of the couch. 

“Did- did Gordon have freckles like that?” Tommy asks, getting a small nod from Benrey. 

“Yeah... Across his cheeks and nose...” Benrey traces the area of his own face with a finger, “And his upper arms, near the shoulders.” 

“Oh...” Tommy frowns, this was probably some sort of weird coincidence? Or perhaps Benrey was projecting his Gordon onto their Gordon? Tommy was glad for the interruption of Gordon coming back into the room, hair tied back up and face now free of the concealer revealing the orange freckles across his face. He’d also taken the hoodie he was wearing off and tied it around his waist, black tank top letting them see his arms and oh. Oh boy...

“Bro... Sweet look.” Benrey comments, trying not to disassociate and think of Gordy while also attempting to ease Gordon back over between the two of them, a difficult task with this new reveal.

“Oh uh... Sorry forgot to mention the arm ones...” Gordon blushes, the colors of the freckles shifting to show his anxiety again as he fidgets with his hoodie sleeves around his waist. 

“It’s chill.” Benrey does his best to keep an even monotone, wondering if he needs to use his sweet voice chill blue soon to make Gordon relax.

“...” Gordon looks like he wants to disagree before shaking his head and sitting between Benrey and Tommy again. Trying to take deeper breaths and calm his nerves back down. 

“Um... Thanks for not freaking out?” Gordon says quietly. 

“You don’t need to worry. We under- understand it’s confusing Mister Freeman.” Tommy pats his back gently. 

“Thanks, Tommy.” Gordon gives him a small smile. “Oh uh... One last thing... not weird body changes this time but uh... I’m going to be looking for a house soon... Something better than my apartment, and um... Your dad may have... Twisted my arm a little to have Benrey stay with me?” Gordon’s anxiety spikes again as he gets it out, closing his eyes waiting for the reaction. 

“...Figures he would do that.” Benrey sighs. “You- you don’t- It’s- I was gonna ask Coomer and Bubby if I could crash with them.” Benrey frowns and tugs at his hoodie strings. 

“...Dude, you wouldn’t last a day.” Gordon suddenly laughs, the now orange freckles becoming a lot more vibrant against his skin. 

“Whu? Rude. Bro totally could. They dig me.” Benrey takes some offense to that. 

“Yeah but their habits dude. You have no idea what Bubby and Coomer do together. Besides I doubt they have game systems.” Gordon shakes his head, still laughing. “It’s not about them liking you, it’s about them being them.”

“Wow, rude, dunking on Bubs and Cooms like that.”

“Oh my god don’t call them that!” Gordon snorts trying to calm himself. “But not dunking on them. They are just intense sometimes. Take it from me.”

“Only if you’re like super sure bro... Specially um... After- after everything... Sorry...” Benrey is back to being curled up again. Tommy giving him a sad look and Gordon a little surprised in the sudden change of demeanor from him. 

Gordon takes a long time to figure out what to say, but his body was on autopilot and he’d already pulled Benrey against his side as he was thinking things through. “...I uh... I accept your apology... It was fucking nuts during all of that...” He sighs and pulls back the first of the loose strands of hair from his ponytail from his face. “...And I guess I can’t be too mad.” Gordon snorts, “My hand did end up... Coming back.”

“Heh...” Benrey chuckles a tiny bit but he still hasn’t uncurled. 

“So like... I’m good with it. It won’t be too soon though, I have to find a place. Though knowing Tommy’s dad I have the feeling the ‘perfect location’ will be available soon.” Gordon gets a small chuckle from the two on the couch with him. “But yeah. I... I’m okay if you are. Your call at the end though.” Gordon says, rubbing Benrey’s shoulder slightly. 

“Okay...” Benrey nods, loosening up a little against Gordon. 

The quiet moment that followed was nice, just enjoying each other’s company until a knock on the door and Sunkist tearing off to greet whoever it was interrupts them. Gordon’s new freckles immediately switch to green tea as he starts internally panicking about Bubby and Coomer seeing the new changes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is a sweetie and I love him bunches. 
> 
> Also Gordon... Calm down bro.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon is not having a good time with these body changes. Not at all.

Gordon is in an absolute panic, green across his cheeks and arms taking on a noxious hue from how wound up he was getting. Breath becoming quicker as he stares forward, back ramrod straight. His half hug turning tight on Benrey which makes him let out a surprised noise, Gordon doesn’t react to it.

After regaining himself from the shock of Gordon’s much tighter grip, Benrey starts singing quietly, holding onto Gordon’s hand that had been wrapped around him trying his best to ground the man. Calm blues starting to dance in the air from the sweet voice he releases. Gordon’s breathing is hard and ragged, making Benrey pick up the volume a bit, slowly getting Gordon’s attention on the blue lights. 

Slowly the color of Gordon’s freckles change from the sickly green to a blue matching the orbs floating in the air. Benrey keeps singing but quiets down once Gordon’s looking a little better still a little worried from how bad Gordon freaked out by the arrival of their friends. 

“...S-sorry...” Gordon mumbles, letting go of Benrey and running his hands over his face only to hiss at feeling his nails scratch him. Pulling his hands away he stares down to see short claws instead, making panic bubble back up. 

“Whoa, hey, Gordo, no spiraling.” Benrey covers Gordon’s hands with his. “Oh shit... Got yourself good...”

“Huh?” Gordon looks at him confused pulling out of where his mind is going before he feels something wet drip down his forehead. 

“Yo, Tommy!” Benrey calls, trying to keep Gordon calm. “Tommy bro!”

“Benrey? What- what is it?” Tommy asks, coming back in view with Coomer and Bubby trailing behind. 

“Need band aid for Clumsyman here.” Benrey says, “Dude tilt your head back.”

“What?” Gordon frowns and lifts a hand which is snatched back by Benrey. “Dude come on.”

“Nope.” Benrey pops the ‘p’, “Head back please. Please tilt head back. Thank you.”

“Ugh fine.” Gordon grumbles and does so, confused as to why he’s listening to Benrey on this one. At least the wet feeling stopped.

“Oh dear...” Tommy mumbles, seeing the cut and heads off to get the first aid kit from the bathroom. 

“What did you even do to yourself?” Bubby jumps in loudly making Gordon flinch, “How did you get that cut?”

“Bubby bro. Chill. Not right now.” Benrey grumbles. 

“Yes right now.” Bubby snaps back. 

“Those freckles are rather new!” Coomer says cheerfully, watching as they shift from a light yellow while Gordon is annoyed to a sickly green as Gordon gets tense. “Very colorful!” 

Benrey is about to tell both of them to back off in a rather mean way but gets cut off by Tommy returning, pulling on gloves and quickly taking care of the injury. It looked worse than it was thankfully, but there was need for two bandaids over the cut due to the length. 

“Okay all set.” Tommy says as he picks up the trash and throws everything away. 

“Thanks.” Gordon sighs as he goes to rub his face getting stopped by Benrey again. “Dude come on I need my hands back.” Gordon huffs. 

“Uh nope. Hand license revoked.” Benrey shakes his head. “Can’t have hands back.”

“I’m still waiting on an explanation.” Bubby comes around the couch and flops down, crossing his arms and frowning.

“Professor Bubby, they will explain in time.” Coomer pats Gordon’s shoulder gently before he walks around to sit next to Bubby. 

“Need chill out time. No talky.” Benrey glares at Bubby. 

“What? Why? No, give us an explanation.” Bubby snaps. 

“It’s fine Benrey.” Gordon sighs, resigning himself to the weird hand hold going on. At least Benrey wasn’t trying to be weird about it. And it was sort of comforting... In a weird ‘I’m holding hands with someone I killed and they came back to life and for some reason freaked out when I scratched myself’ way. 

Gordon takes a breath before beginning his explanation, “So this morning I woke up with the freckles on my face, they seem to change color and stuff for whatever reason-“

“It’s your sweet voice dude. Emotions.” Benrey interrupts, quickly going silent when Gordon sends him a look that’s somewhere between annoyed and beginning to panic again. 

“As I was saying, change colors, for some reason. Later the arm ones showed up... And- And I think the cut was from like... Claws?” Gordon tries to look down at his hands, still blocked by Benrey. “I- I- I don’t know what’s going on...” He says quietly, biting at the inside of his cheek as he tenses up, the green tea of anxiety color growing as the silence that follows grows.

“I think the freckles are very fitting for you!” Dr. Coomer says after a moment with a warm smile.

“Claws are fucking dope, Gordon.” Bubby rolls his eyes. “Stop being a baby.”

“Guys this is like... Not okay? Really weird?” Gordon frowns at the reaction but the anxious green calms down, getting back to the sherbet color.

“Eh, it’s just some colors and claws.” Bubby shrugs, “Could be worse.”

“Please don’t jinx this Bubby.” Gordon groans, once again trying to rub his face and not getting anywhere with Benrey holding his hands. 

“Mister Freeman was- was worried guys.” Tommy says gently, patting Gordon’s arm. “But it’s okay! We all are- are kinda weird! In a good way!”

Gordon gives a small snort at that. “Yeah I guess we are...”

“Mhmm! Now... Who wants to play a game?” Tommy asks, trying to give a decent distraction which everyone quickly agreed to. 

* * *

They played for a while before ending up ordering some pizza. Benrey had refused to give Gordon his hand license back, forcing a partnership while Tommy, Coomer, and Bubby all played separately. Gordon had complained at first but since the rest didn’t care it all fell on deaf ears. When the pizza came though Gordon knew he’d have to force getting his hand privileges back. Especially to not have something embarrassing happen. 

“I’m borrowing Gordon for a bit.” Benrey suddenly announces and tugs Gordon away from the living room as Tommy fetches the pizza, the man staggering behind him before righting himself and following Benrey with a noise of confusion. 

Gordon finally questions him when they stop in a side room that has some chairs and bookshelves, Benrey kicking the door so it’s most of the way closed but not completely. “Dude what’s going on? Why’d you drag me away?” Question-mark-blue-dark appearing on his face and arms as Benrey keeps holding his hands. 

“Wanted to- to make sure you didn’t freak out bro... Bubby and Coomer didn’t uh... Pay attention. Didn’t back off. So just. Quiet time for Gordo.” Benrey doesn’t look at him, but a blue blush comes to his cheeks as he explains. 

“What? Why would I freak out? And wouldn’t it be better to get it over with out there?” Gordon frowns. 

“You uh... You’ve been getting real anxious bro. Wanna make sure you have chill.” Benrey says with a shrug. “Chill for bro.”

“...Alright.” Gordon sighs, not denying he was anxious earlier. Stupid freckle mood ring things giving everyone a peek at his thoughts. “Can I have my hands back now? Please?” 

“Yeah.” Benrey nods and gently lets go, letting Gordon finally take a real look at the new claws he was sporting. They were a light grey color, and the skin leading up to them was a much darker grey, it almost looked like he dipped his fingers in graphite powder without the shine. 

“Oh... Those are fucking sharp...” Gordon blinks, turning his hands and studying them, the claws had sharp edges and an even sharper point to them. “While neat... This is kinda worrying? Like if this keeps going... I don’t know where this’ll stop, what I’m going to be able to hide from people... I won’t be able to take Joshua back...” Gordon doesn’t realize he’s staring a hole in his hands until Benrey waves a hand in his face. 

“Yo. Bro. One- one thing at a time? Please? Chill please?” Benrey frowns at him. “Just. Relax, it’ll help.” Hoping Gordon would listen but not expecting him to. If Gordon did relax the claws would at least go away, his anxiety being the reason they appeared probably. If Gordon was actually Gordy... He mentally shakes that thought, focusing back on ‘Feetman’. 

“It’s kinda hard to relax dude?” Gordon grouses at Benrey, curling his hands around his claws to scratch his hair with his knuckles. 

“Okay... Uh... Sit? Sit please?” Benrey points to the ottoman by one of the chairs. 

“Benrey, look, I appreciated the apology earlier but I can’t do whatever this is-“

“No bro. Please sit? Promise I can help with the chill.” Benrey says gently, tugging Gordon’s arm. 

“Benrey, no.” Gordon sighs. “Not- not right now... Let’s just... Go eat pizza.” Gordon pulls his hand away. 

“...Okay.” Benrey kicks at the carpet slightly but doesn’t continue to push Gordon.

“...Thanks.” Gordon says quietly before leaving the room, joining the others. 

Benrey doesn’t leave just yet, sitting on the ottoman and pulling his knees to his chest. He shouldn’t have pushed Gordon. He should have backed off. Gordon still was hesitant around him because of the whole fight thing. It was a wonder Gordon hadn’t torn his hands away from Benrey sooner, or argued more, or be more shouty like back in Black Mesa.

...Gordon isn’t Gordy...

He wipes away a red tear that had escaped, stupid body betraying his emotions. 

Just as he stands up Tommy knocks on the door. “You okay?”

“Huh? Oh yeah. Epic gamer here. Chill and shit.” Benrey deflects. 

“Ben come on...” Tommy sighs. 

“I- I thought we were epic cool cause Feetman didn’t like, freak and pull his hands away, was trying to help him calm down. Try and help with the claws, they popped up cause he’s stressed... but... but that’s if he’s like Gordy... And- and I mighta thought that... But I gotta stop it.” He sighs miserably, sweet voice venting his internal frustration at himself. “It’s just me being dumb... And probably why I should go crash at Bubby and Coomer’s place instead... I’m just going to keep being messed up in the head.”

“Benrey, while it’s going to take time for everything to settle down, I d- doubt Mister Freeman would back out of his offer, even if it was my dad’s doing.” Tommy sighs. “Just- just try to not think about it tonight okay? We’re- we’re here to have fun! And be friends. No matter what I’m gonna- gonna be by your side. Like- like peanut butter and jelly.” Tommy hugs him tightly before patting Benrey’s back. “Now let’s go eat some pizza okay?”

“Yeah. Pizza time.” Benrey nods, following after Tommy, trying to clear his thoughts. 

* * *

The rest of the night goes smoothly. Benrey doesn’t make any more attempts to interact with Gordon, which makes the man upset with himself. He knew Benrey was just trying to help in his own weird way, but it was still pretty fresh everything that happened, he really didn’t want to be alone with just Benrey for too long. Which is why house hunting is going to take a while, or at least as long as Gordon can before Tommy’s dad does something to him. 

At some point in the middle of the movie the claws had thankfully gone away. Gordon now didn’t have to worry about hurting himself with them again. A very good thing given the light sting from the cut earlier that evening. 

Eventually though they all parted ways, heading back to their respective homes. Gordon quickly climbed up the steps to his apartment after parking his car. Once inside he sighs, locking the door and heading to bed, rather exhausted from the day. Bedtime routine being done on autopilot he’s quick to crash on his bed and let sleep take him.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Another Xen dream... 

Gordon looked around, trying to find... something, he hated being alone... Xen is big, and scary sometimes. But it’s home, and home won’t hurt him, but it’s still a lot of noise...

He ducks down when something flies over him, making himself smaller in the tall reeds around him. Definitely didn’t like being alone.

“Hey. Got food.” A voice says happily behind him. Turning around he finds himself staring into the yellow eyes of the other child, and...

(Fuck is that kid Benrey?!?!?)

“Benny! You were gone long. Is it tasty?” Gordon asks, immediately moving closer to the larger but still quite young child. 

“Yup! Fresh.” The kid, _‘Benny’_ , says. 

(Because like **_Hell_ ** Gordon’s going to accept this is Benrey as a kid. What the fuck brain. Just because you had a decent time with the being that tried to kill you doesn’t mean do this shit!)

“Nice, nice!” Gordon grins up at Benny, making grabby hands with his upper set of arms, getting a large and really weird fruit(?) placed in them which makes little Gordon squeal happily. 

“You love those huh?” Benny giggles digging into something more... Meaty... (Gordon does not even want to know.) 

“Yummy!” Gordon bounces a little as he eats the food. “Better than other things. Don’t like that.” Gordon points with the middle left hands. 

(Gordon’s brain keeps dreaming but he’s definitely tossing and turning now, especially realizing he’s got six arms going on??? What the _fuck_???)

“Good thing it’s not for you then.” Benny chuckles and keeps eating. When both are finally finished and quickly washed off in the pool not far away from the reed hiding spot, Gordon makes grabby hands to get picked up by Benny who complies as Gordon yawns, taking him back to a cave, the same one that had been ‘home’ from his previous headcrab dream. 

“Benny?” Gordon looks up at the other child.

“Yeah?”

“Love you.” Gordon smiles happily nuzzling Benny as he starts drifting off in his arms. 

“Love you too, Gordy...” Benney starts singing softly, chill out blue as dream Gordon falls asleep.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Gordon wakes up in a cold sweat at 1:29AM, breathing shallow as he runs to his bathroom to splash cold water on his face, freckles unhelpfully showing he was having an anxiety attack with their noxious green color. 

“What the hell kind of nickname is _‘Gordy’_?!” He groans as he rests his head on the cool stone surface of his bathroom counter. Hands running through his hair and his back tensing up as he feels something start pressing against his hands, a fierce headache immediately flaring up. 

He groans in pain, feeling like his head is splitting open, ending up sliding down to the floor so he doesn’t fall over and covers his eyes from the lights. It’s not until thirty minutes later, an eternity on the cold tile that made him shiver through his lightweight pjs, that the intense pain dulls down to just a throb. Shakily, he uses the counter to hoist himself up on his feet and is greeted by a shocking discovery, nearly making him drop to the floor again. 

Horns, four of them, two short ones that begin just an inch from his hairline only tall enough for the tips to be visible in his curly hair, and a longer set that is just behind them that curves back close to his head. 

Gordon tears his eyes away from the mirror and sprints to his bedside table, picking up his phone and dialing Tommy. Breathing heavily as he attempts poorly to stop the panic attack that is trying to close his throat.

“Mister Freeman? Everything alright?” God he can barely hear Tommy over the sound of his racing heartbeat. 

“I- I- can- can you come- come over? Please?” Gordon manages to get out hoarsely.

“You don’t- don’t sound good, mister Freeman. Benrey and I’ll be over- over soon.” Tommy says before hanging up. 

Gordon’s not doing much better when suddenly a burning feeling starting mid back spreads across his spine. He gasps for air, panic attack making his chest hurt just as much as his spine and now sides do. He curls in on himself, unable to stop the tears rolling down his cheeks from the pain of trying to get air in and his body.

It felt like he was being pulled apart. Every second it continued was an eternity. Everything hurt. 

He vaguely hears knocking as the pain gets suddenly way more intense. Mind going blissfully blank and eyes fluttering shut just as Tommy and Benrey come into his room both staring at him with wide eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all enjoyed! ;D
> 
> Gordon sure didn’t! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon gets some big changes. Arguments are never fun. And everything is cooler at 2AM when you’re hurting and tired.  
> ————  
> Also heads up, first two paragraphs are the most body horror intensive.

To say he wasn’t a little queasy as they watched Gordon’s body change would have been a lie. Tommy was down right ready to run to Gordon’s bathroom and remove the contents of his stomach, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. Watching in horror as their friend’s spine snaps and cracks as vertebrae and muscle shift and stretch and get added, quickly growing into place. No wonder Gordon passed out. 

Tommy barely registers Benrey moving to Gordon’s side as the next part begins to Tommy’s mounting horror. Arms, four more arms started growing from the sides of Gordon’s newly elongated torso. The snapping of joints too much for Tommy to take as he rushes out of the room waiting for it to all stop. 

What the fuck was happening to Gordon? Xen isn’t this powerful, right? And his and his dad’s energies and influences should have been enough to stop anything from hurting Gordon like this. Hell there’s no precedent for this! Nothing like this should be happening-

Benrey waving his hand in front of Tommy’s face pulls him out of his thoughts. 

“Hey... You okay?” Benrey asks softly, crouching down to him. 

“N-no... Mister- Mist- Gordon shouldn’t- shouldn’t have-“

“Whoa, breathe, Tommy.” Benrey says, gently setting a hand on his shoulder. “Just breathe...” It takes a while but eventually Tommy calms down. Looking back at the room he abandoned. 

“Is- is it over?” Tommy asks quietly. 

“Yeah... Gordon’s just asleep now...” Benrey runs a hand through his slightly wild hair. “Fuck man... Not what I expected to uh... See...”

“Yeah... I- I thought it was just a- a normal panic attack...” Tommy nods sadly. “Guess we jus- just have to wait for him to wake up...”

“Yeah...” Benrey sighs, tugging at his hoodie strings. The two slowly head back to Gordon’s bedroom to look over the extent of what had happened. Both wince at what they come in on, it’s hard to look at Gordon given they knew what he looked like before all of the changes. 

He had gained about an extra foot and a half of height, a little hard to tell with him lying down, slightly longer legs probably would have been over the edge if he wasn’t curled up tight in a ball on the messy sheets. Gordon’s new arms are stuck under the shirt he’d been wearing, tears along the seams but still on his body. On top of that is the horns they hadn’t seen at first, longer than when Gordon had first gotten a look at them in the mirror, the front pair jutting up about 2 inches from his hair the others behind them follow the curve of his skull before sloping back up like an antelope’s, both pairs of horns are jet black the longer back pair having harsh pink spirals around them. Gordon lets out a quiet whimper, attempting to move his new arms but getting stopped by the shirt and pain, brow furrowed as he pushes his face into the pillow he’s on, freckles turning white for ‘not alright’. 

“We- we should get him out of the shirt... Can’t be comfortable.” Tommy says softly, kneeling next to Gordon’s form and gently stroking his hair, getting Gordon to relax slightly. 

“Y-yeah... I saw some scissors in the kitchen...”

“You’re not going to use your claws?” Tommy asks, tilting his head slightly but not looking away from Gordon. 

“Don’t want him to accidentally shift into me and get cut, scissors are a bit safer.” Benrey shakes his head, quickly heading out of the room. 

“...It’s going to be- be okay Mister Freeman...” Tommy sighs, still stroking his friend’s hair gently. 

“Back.” Benrey mumbles before leaning in to gently pull and cut Gordon’s shirt off to free his arms. Once the delicate process is complete and they pull the shirt away Gordon lets out a sigh of relief, arms finding better positions after being constricted. 

“There... That’s better...” Tommy rests his head near Gordon’s as he looks up at Benrey. “...Xen can’t do this right? Just- This isn’t something that a bit of water would do... You didn’t do anything right?”

“Me?!” Benrey looks at Tommy with a hurt expression. “Why would you- no. Tommy, bro, no. I’d never do something to someone like this. I don’t think I even can do something like this!” Benrey growls a little louder than he means to. 

“I- Sorry it’s just- You’re very powerful Benrey... And you didn’t get training like I did...” Tommy looks down at the bed sheets. 

“Yeah, so?” Benrey snarls. “You think I would really be so desperate to find Gordy that the moment I even had the tiniest thought that Gordon might be him I’d attempt to change him on my own! I can control my own body changing but not others, Tommy!” 

“I don’t know Benrey! You might be able to! You might be able to do a whole lot!” Tommy sits up and snaps at him, growling slightly. 

“I know you had to fight me but I’m not bad! I’m not!” Benrey shouts. 

Neither of them notice Gordon opening an eye in confusion to the shouting. 

“Then don’t deny the possibility!” Tommy suddenly has a very fluffy tail out of anger that Benrey isn’t listening to him, dog like ears poking out of his hair pulled back as he growls. Tommy losing control of his form makes Benrey lose his as he snarls and snaps in frustration, three tails covered in fur on top, mouth stretching to accommodate the sharp canines jutting out of his jaw. All of his many eyes on Tommy’s three. 

Both immediately freeze when they feel a hand on their respective tails and whip their eyes to Gordon who was messing with their fur. Gordon pulls his hands back, having slowly stretched his lower arm and upper arm to the tails to touch them, cheeks and freckles showing his embarrassment as he pulls his arms back. “Oh uh... Sorry... That- That was rude of me... Also hi? I uh... I could use some painkillers...” Gordon grunts as he attempts to adjust himself, ending up not even moving.

“O-oh.” Tommy blinks, all three eyes at the same time, “W-where do you keep them?”

“Kitchen, cabinet above the sink...” Gordon mumbles as he starts to stretch before hissing in pain, giving up the endeavor of coming out of the ball he’d curled up in. 

“Okay...” Tommy glances at Benrey who’s still frozen in place before leaving the room to fetch the medicine. 

Benrey is silent before quickly changing all of his alien features back to something closer to human. Tearing his eyes from Gordon to stare down at the floor. He bites at his lip, unsure of what to say or do, not having expected Gordon to wake up so soon. Or play with his tail of all things.

“...Benrey? Why were you two fighting?” Gordon asks, voice tired from the pain he’s in.

“It’s dumb... Don’t worry about it.” Benrey mumbles, crossing his arms holding himself. 

“I’m now extra worried about it.” Gordon snorts. “Mind coming closer? Hurts to move my head.” 

“...You don’t want me closer...” Benrey mumbles. 

“I do cause I can’t see for shit.” Gordon says with a raised eyebrow. “And I honestly want to know what’s going on... Not just with me.” 

Benrey shifts his weight before coming closer to Gordon, taking a seat near Gordon’s head. “I- I... Are you doing okay? You uh... Have a lot more arms than you did yesterday...”

Gordon chuckles faintly at that. “...The wild thing is it feels normal? Like I’ve always had them... But that’s not why you and Tommy were fighting...” Gordon sighs. 

“...It’s sorta cause of you... Obviously this is... Not human normal ya know...” He gestures to Gordon’s arms. 

“Well duh.” Gordon snorts.

“...And Tommy thinks I did it.” Benrey curls up on himself, pulling his hood over his head and pulling the strings to cinch the hood up. 

“...Did you?” 

“No!” Benrey’s eyes are wide and he looks to be mere moments from crying at having Gordon ask that question.

“Whoa, hey, Benrey, sorry dude.” Gordon reaches out a hand to offer it to Benrey who doesn’t take it, Gordon letting it fall to the floor not wanting to keep up the effort of holding it out. “Sorry, I had to ask... But- But I’m glad you aren’t doing this on purpose or something dumb like that. I’d have to kick your ass if you were.”

“I’d kick my own ass if I were too.” Benrey says quietly.

Gordon looks like he’s about to say something, but his eyes flick over to Tommy returning, also having gotten his form back under control. 

“I- I got the medicine. And- and some water.” Tommy says, bringing the glass with a straw in it over.

“You both are really good at hiding yourselves. Also pretty sure I don’t have straws?” Gordon raises an eyebrow.

“Don’t- don’t worry, we’ll teach you if- if it’s something you can hide.” Tommy says, “And no... I keep a pack on me. Never- never know when you need a straw.”

Gordon laughs, it’s wheezy and tired sounding and even though it hurts to do so he keeps laughing for a good minute. “No- no you never know when huh? Thanks, Tommy.” He smiles, carefully taking the medicine and drink and taking the pills quickly. “Alright time to see this shit.” Gordon says before forcing himself to sit up.

“Mister Freeman!”

“Gordon!” 

Both Benrey and Tommy are quick to force him to lay back down. 

“Bro you haven’t even let the meds kick in!” Benrey berates, gripping Gordon’s shoulder.

“Seriously! You could have hurt yourself!” Tommy frowns, hand still pressed on Gordon’s chest. 

“Lemme see! I gotta see dudes.” Gordon grunts, trying to get out of their grasp, he’s not able to move far, especially since Tommy and Benrey both flip out again when he moves. 

“Just stay still! On the bed!” Benrey growls as one of Gordon’s arms tries to push at him. “Why are you like this?”

Gordon pauses to think for a moment. “Dunno? Buuuut... If you guys let me see your forms again I’ll give up for now.” Gordon smirks.

“Mister- Mister Freeman! Why?” Tommy stares at him going stock still.

“Yeah bro, no, you already got way too much going on.” Benrey freezes up as well.

Gordon takes his opportunity.

He somehow manages to launch himself out of the bed, stumbling into his bathroom, nearly tripping and falling over but managing to at the last minute catch his bathroom counter to keep his balance.

“Gordon!” Both Tommy and Benrey shout as they join him, standing on either side in case he falls, arms at the ready to catch him. 

“Oof, ow, geez, okay, mirror time. Whoa I got taller!” Gordon snorts as he leans in slightly, using his lowest set of arms to support himself on the counter. “Dammit the horns got bigger.” He grumbles reaching up to touch them with his upper most arms as the middle set crosses. “Oh the freckles are on all the arms...” Gordon spreads his middle arms out to take a look at them, “Wild.” Gordon keeps studying himself, freckles turning a bright orange.

“Orange citrus means I’m curious.” Tommy says getting Gordon’s attention off of his new appendages. “You are- are uh- handling this better than- than I thought.” 

“Oh I’m totally freaking out, but also this is sort of cool? Even though it hurt like fucking hell.” Gordon says both upper and middle arms moving as he speaks. “But come on guys. Why can’t I see what you guys look like?”

“You- you really should lie back down...” Tommy tries to deflect, getting Gordon pouting at him instead. 

“Bro, Tommy is right.” Benrey shakes his head and rolls his eyes. 

“Why though? I wanna seeeeeee.” Gordon whines.

“Because you’re tired and hurting and maybe in the morning after you fucking sleep dude.” Benrey presses his hands against his eyes. 

“Tommy?” Gordon asks, both middle and upper pairs of hands move into a pleading gesture.

“...Nnnnnnnn fine. Sure. But-but only if you go to bed right now.” Tommy runs a hand down his face. 

Gordon’s upper arms both go up while the middle pair fist pump, “Yesssss!” He smiles goofily. “Okay, sleep time.” Gordon nods and tugs both Benrey and Tommy to his bed. 

“Whu? Gordo what’re you doing?” Benrey questions, unsure of why Gordon was being so touchy-feely when he was pretty sure Gordon didn’t want that at the get together earlier. 

“We’re sleeping. Right? You guys are staying?” Gordon asks, fidgeting with the sheets with one of his lower hands. 

“I- We- we can stay but... Wouldn’t- wouldn’t you prefer to not sleep together?” Tommy seems just as confused. 

“Mmmm no wanna sleep together. Here's fine. I don’t have another bed beside Joshie’s.” Gordon yawns widely, his canines look slightly more pronounced. “Unless you don’t wanna. I get it.” He mumbles, starting to sway a little. 

“W-well...”

“You take the couch dude.” Benrey gestures with his head to Tommy. “Come on Feetman, since you wanna be all weirdly cuddly.” Benrey rolls his eyes as he tugs Gordon into the bed, Gordon letting go of Tommy as he climbs in. 

“Okay... Okay. Um...”

“Blankets in closet. And not Feetman.” Gordon waves at his doorway with a middle arm while weakly shoving Benrey with a different one.

“Thanks... Good- Goodnight.” Tommy gives a small wave and shuts off the main light as he closes the door. 

“Night, Tommy!” Gordon mumbles out. 

“You’re being so weird dude.” Benrey shakes his head, turning off the light that’s still on. 

“No I’m not.” Gordon grumbles. 

“You are!” Benrey’s yellow eyes have a little bit of glow in the dark room. “You woke up and have been acting all weird.” Benrey crosses his arms. 

“I have six arms dude. And mood ring freckles. And horns.” Gordon rolls his eyes. “I’m allowed to be a little weird.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up and sleep Feetman.” Gordon pushes him but a different arm ends up draping across Benrey’s waist. “Night, Gordon.” Benrey says as he shuts his eyes. 

“...Night, Benny...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People say the darnedest things am I right?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More arguments, some injuries, and a surprise visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for a small amount of self injury a little bit in!

_“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up and sleep Feetman.” Gordon pushes him but a different arm ends up draping across Benrey’s waist. “Night, Gordon.” Benrey says as he shuts his eyes._

_“...Night, Benny...”_

* * *

  
Benrey’s eyes snap open as he stares at Gordon, who somehow managed to completely pass out and start snoring immediately after saying those two world-shattering words. The bastard. Completely cringe, not pog, absolutely uncool to drop that _fucking_ bomb on him and fall asleep immediately after.

It’s not fair, not fair at all. If he’s going to accept that Gordon may not be Gordy then Gordon needs to stop doing shit and saying shit that makes him consider he might be! He won’t get his hopes up. He can’t get them up. He needs proof before he can truly say that Gordon is Gordy. And that proof needs to come from Gordon’s mouth without influence from him or Tommy, he needs to say that he remembers… 

Benrey wipes furiously at his face, wishing the tears tracing down his cheeks would just stop for one fucking minute, he can’t do this right now. He can’t wake Gordon up. He can’t bare his heart out about Gordy. He can’t let the flicker of hope make him lose any amount of friendship that Gordon is willing to give him after the fucking mess of the Resonance Cascade, Black Mesa, and fighting on Xen.

Letting Gordon drag him into the bed was a mistake. 

As he tries to roll away from Gordon to go join Tommy in the other room he’s immediately pulled back and up close to Gordon who presses his face into Benrey’s hair, all six arms wrapping around him. Fuck. Fuck his luck. At least he managed to get a hand free so he can wipe at his stupid face. Fucking tears. Gordon gives a contented sigh, freckles which very lightly glow turning chill out blue as Gordon relaxes against Benrey. Benrey nearly jumps when a rumbling begins from Gordon’s chest, realizing it is purring calms him down ever so slightly before more stupid tears come down his face, fucking dammit he missed Gordy’s purrs when they slept together in their cave.

He watches Gordon sleep curled around him for a long time before weighing his choices. Gordon’s asleep, and Gordon started holding him first. So… If Benrey gave in… He could blame Gordon on it in the morning. Yeah… He can do that. Tommy wouldn’t get mad if Gordon did it first. Right? 

Benrey gently wraps his arms around Gordon, shifting his form a bit to be larger than Gordon, a third arm now on Gordon’s back. And fuck does Gordon look so much like little Gordy. He can’t help himself, quietly singing the chill out blue lullaby he always sang for Gordy when he didn’t want to sleep because of a static storm, gently stroking Gordon’s hair as he lightly presses their foreheads together. 

He knows there will be consequences in the morning but damn them all to Hell, he’s going to hold Gordy like he used to for one night, just one night. He’s had a Gordy shaped hole in his heart since he lost him and fuck the tears won’t stop, especially not with him holding Gordon like this, but he’s not going to bother wiping them away right now. He just wants Gordy to know how much he missed him. How alone he’s been for so long. How much he cares for him and has scoured every corner of Xen looking for him. He just wants Gordy back.

For one night, just this one night, he’ll let himself break down and hold Gordon like he held Gordy on Xen. Even if he ends up not being Gordy in the end. 

* * *

Gordon becomes aware of his own purring first. Which is a really weird thought. He was purring… How? How did his vocal cords change to be able to make this noise? 

Second, he realizes he’s wrapped up tight against something- No wait - _someone_ much larger than him. His six arms are around the other person yes, but they have three arms around him. Oh right he has six fucking arms now. God that had hurt. Growing four more arms is very painful and Gordon does not recommend anyone undergo that. A big old zero out of ten score on growing four more arms. Whoever he’s holding is actually really warm and their back is furry? And while this is very nice and comfortable he is a little worried about what is going on.

Gordon finally cracks an eye open, trying to figure out who he’s clinging onto, because this already is such an awkward way to wake up. And honestly with the sore muscles and headache he’s got building he really doesn’t want to deal with whatever this situation is. Unfortunately his small movements to get out of the hold make the other person shift, tightening their grip on him. 

Shit.

Who the fuck is using him as a teddy bear??? 

He glares up at the person’s face and oh fuck… What the fuck? Why the fuck? When the fuck? 

“Benrey!?” Gordon blurts out in panic. Benrey’s eyes- _Oh god there are so many of them_ -shoot open and Benrey immediately backs up, letting go of Gordon and immediately shifting away all his alien features and height, going back to more human looking as he practically leaps out of the bed. 

“Uh- mornin’?” Benrey chuckles nervously before teleporting away from Gordon. 

“Wha- wait- Shit.” Gordon groans in frustration, flopping back down on the bed. He didn’t mean to freak Benrey out like that, but he’s at least glad to be alone to deal with the pain of getting out of the bed, until a thought drifts to the front of his mind. 

The way he and Benrey had been holding each other was familiar… Way too familiar. But he couldn’t place it exactly. 

And that was a vaguely terrifying thought. 

Only because of what he’d managed to catch from Benrey’s and Tommy’s argument last night. Something about Benrey being possibly powerful enough to do something? Gordon remembered vaguely that Benrey had denied doing something, what it was is a bit of a blank. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t a lie, that it wasn't covering up something. 

Something Gordon had a right to know given he’s going through all of this shit right now. 

His stomach growls loudly making him sigh and slowly attempt to sit up and get out of the bed. He rubs his face with the top set of hands as the bottom set moves to support him sitting up, middle set lying in his lap. Not quite ready to look at himself in the mirror but he has to get it over with at some point.

Wait. He looked at himself last night right? Gordon frowns, trying to piece his memories back together, but there’s a lot of holes. He’s really not too sure he didn’t dream up what he looks like now. 

Gordon lets out a small noise of frustration as he presses his palms into his eyes. “I hate this.” He whispers to himself, knees drawing up to his chest and lowest pair of arms wrapping around them. “I hate whatever _bullshit_ this is. I just want to be normal. I want to be back to myself. Before this shit. Before Black Mesa.” He shifts to clutch his hair as the middle pair of arms wrap around himself in a hug. 

“I’m never going to be normal again though am I?” His voice cracks as he lets that question out. “I’m never going to be able to confidently walk out of my home and not fear that Black Mesa isn’t going to drag me into some lab to be experimented on or some other company or government doing that! I’m never going to be able to let other people outside of the science team into my life for fear of what they’ll think of me!” He growls.

“I’ll- I’ll never be able to see Joshua again...” Gordon crumples in on himself at that thought, not even feeling his claws that start to dig into his skin as he sobs. He was supposed to get Joshua this coming weekend. And now he can’t. He can’t show up looking like this! He’d not only be dragged away to be dissected or something, but he’d terrify Joshua and that’s even worse.

He’s so caught up in his spiraling thoughts he doesn’t hear his door open. He doesn’t see Tommy and Benrey gasp and come to his sides to try and pull his hands away. He doesn’t feel Tommy rub circles on his back. 

It’s not until the room starts to gain a blue glow that he starts getting the sensory input from around him. He feels Tommy’s hand making slow circles. He feels both of them trying to pull his claws away, skin beginning to feel wet where the claws dig in. He hears probably Tommy muttering something nervously, and that means Benrey is singing.

It is a long time before he calms down enough that he can manage to get his claws away from his skin. Tommy immediately gets up to get a first aid kit that Gordon mumbles is in the bathroom under the sink. Benrey sings a little longer before falling quiet, not sure what to say or do. Gordon doesn’t have the energy to break the silence, setting his head on his knees, wincing slightly feeling warm trickles of blood coming down his head. 

“M-Mister Freeman? Can- can you move? It- it’ll be easier to draw you a- a bath...” Tommy says gently. 

Gordon takes a long moment before giving a small nod, slowly moving toward the bathroom, Tommy leading him in and getting the water started. The white noise of the water makes Gordon close his eyes, focusing on the sound. Eventually when the tub is full enough Tommy asks if he wants some privacy to get undressed but Gordon just shrugs. Tommy turns to give him the privacy anyway, waiting until he settles into the water to start looking over the cuts. 

“...Gordon?” Tommy asks softly, “Can- can I ask what upset you?” He watches Gordon’s eyes as he gently cleans the cuts on Gordon’s legs first. 

“...” Gordon gives a small sigh as he leans his head on his knees. “...I- I was thinking... About all of this...” He mumbles. “...About how I’ll never see Joshua again...”

“Oh... But- But I’m sure you will!” Tommy says gently. “We- we can teach you how to do what we do to hide ourselves.”

“...What if it doesn’t work...?” Gordon says miserably, eyes closing as more tears slip out. “What if I can’t?”

“Then we keep trying at it.” Benrey says, leaning against the sink counter, eyes trained on the floor. 

“But I’m- I’m supposed to have Joshie this coming weekend... I- I can’t expose him to this- this shit! I- I’d terrify him.” Gordon almost claws himself again, thankfully getting stopped by Tommy. 

“Well, sounds like we have a week to practice.” Benrey shrugs. 

“A week isn’t going to improve anything Benrey.” Gordon spits, freckles turning red as he levels a glare at him. “In fact I’m pretty sure I’m just going to keep having changes until I can’t even recognize myself anymore!”

“Mister- Mister Freeman please calm down.” Tommy tries to placate, not even getting a glance from Gordon.

“No! I’m turning into a fucking nightmare creature! If I step outside I’m going to get taken off the street in an unmarked black van and experimented on until I die! I’m never going to see my son again! And it’s all your fault!” Gordon breaks down into sobs once more as Benrey and Tommy stare at him. 

“Fine... I’ll leave.” Benrey mumbles before letting himself drop down into a rift he created and closes it before Tommy can call his name out. He’s back on Xen. He’s back home. Back in the cave they had always used.

And he’s alone. 

Benrey lets his body change and shift, curling in on himself as he thinks over everything that was said. He doesn’t know when he started crying, but it’s too late to stop the flow of tears. 

_Maybe it’s time for him to let Gordy go..._

* * *

Tommy had a hand reaching out to where Benrey was halfway between a crouch and standing up. With a sigh he uses the tub to leverage himself to stand all the way and gives Gordon a disappointed look. Gordon just keeps sobbing into his knees. 

“I-I’m going to call Bubby and Dr. Coomer...” Tommy rubs at his face and heads to Gordon’s bedroom to make the call. 

Bubby picks up, “What do you want?” Bubby asks, prickly but not unkindly. 

“Hey... Do you and Dr. Coomer mind coming over to Gordon’s place? He’s not doing alright right now. He uh... Had more changes happen and he’s a bit upset.” 

“It’s like we don’t have lives and do shit that doesn’t involve Gordon.” Bubby grumbles but it’s mostly to keep up appearances, “Harold, Gordon’s being a sad sack and needs babying.” Tommy hears him call out. Coomer’s answer is a little muffled.

“We’ll be there in ten minutes.” Bubby snaps and hangs up. Tommy is going to make sure he gets Bubby and Coomer a vacation package or something after they help Gordon with this. He turns and heads back to the bathroom to continue cleaning Gordon’s cuts up, Gordon now just sniffling in the water of the bath. 

“...You- you know that wasn’t a very nice thing you said.” Tommy says as he works. “You really hurt Benrey’s feelings.”

“So?” Gordon mumbles. 

“Benrey is trying to help you too!” Tommy glares at the cut he’s cleaning in frustration. “He- He isn’t trying to hurt you Gordon!”

“Then what was the argument about last night?”

“...I was worked up to. You- you really scared me last night...” Tommy sighs. “But I apologized before we heard you crying. A-and so you don’t get to make me out to b-be the bad guy here either.” Tommy huffs. “Benrey has had to deal with a lot. He’s- He- he lost someone dear to him... A long time ago... And- and he’s been alone searching for them. I was his first friend after he lost them.” Tommy finally starts working on the cuts in Gordon’s hair. “Xen also- also used him as a defense mechanism. It- it does it with any creature that calls Xen home. He didn’t want to hurt us. But he couldn’t dis- disobey Xen. He didn’t want to go back Mister Freeman... It hurt too much for him...”

“...” Gordon stares at his feet in the water, mulling over the new information, debating saying something before accidentally biting his cheek and wincing when he tastes blood. A finger test finds sharpened canines and a cut on the inside of his cheek. 

“You really- really need lessons on not hurting yourself.” Tommy huffs seeing the new blood. 

“...Sorry...” Gordon sighs. 

“...I’m not who you- you need to apologize to.” Tommy says. Gordon falls silent after that, still ruminating on what Tommy had told him. Tommy finishes up, getting a towel out and holding it out for Gordon who is quick to wrap it around himself. There’s a knock at the door which Tommy mutters something about Dr. Coomer and Bubby coming and leaves Gordon to get himself dressed. 

He’s a complete asshole isn’t he... Throwing out wild accusations without really thinking about it. Even with being upset about his son there’s no excuse for what he said. He slowly gets dressed, or at least covers his lower half, his sweatpants end up looking like capris with his gained height, and he’s not even going to bother with a shirt at this point. He ends up wrapping a blanket around himself and sitting on the end of the bed, noting that the claws had gone away at least. 

“Gordon? May we come in?” Dr. Coomer asks from his doorway. Gordon gives a small nod, wrapping the blanket around himself tighter. 

“Heard you got more crazy since we last saw you.” Bubby says with a snort. “Which I have a hard time believing since you already were nuts enough dealing with shit at Black Mesa.”

“I have six arms now and you see the horns right?” Gordon snorts and looks at his lap. 

“May we see? It is alright if you don’t wish to share with us though.” Coomer asks, coming next to him. 

Gordon sighs and lets the blanket go, “Ta-da...” All six hands move to give a weak jazz hands before he pulls the blanket over himself again. 

“I see... Definitely an interesting change.” Coomer pats him on the back. 

“Mmm...”

“Well-“

They are cut off by the doorbell ringing and a woman’s voice calling out, “Gordon? Sorry but I have to drop Joshua off earlier than expected! I’m needed out of town! I’ll pick him up in three weeks when I’m back! Thanks!” There’s the sound of something rolling in, something being dropped, and the front door closing. 

“Oh no...” Gordon’s eyes go wide as Joshua comes into the room and leaps at him, making Gordon reflexively catch him. 

“Daddy! Daddy! I missed you!” Joshua smiles up at him and hugs him tightly. 

“I missed you too buddy!” Gordon’s voice wavers. Terrified for when his son really looks at him and god he’s so not ready for this, not prepared for this, this is going to break him- 

He faintly registers everyone else gasping as his eyes go wide in shock.

Joshua suddenly has the freckles too, a warm sunny yellow for happiness coating the bridge of his nose and cheeks as well as his lower arms near his hands. His four hands, Gordon notes, as Joshua’s four little arms hug him. And tiny horns, just like Gordon’s own that are white instead, the back pair having a blue streak that spirals around them. 

“O-oh.” Is all Gordon can get out as he stares at his son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gordon: Why the FUCK does my son look like me????
> 
> Tommy: Well shit Gordon might actually have been an alien all along. Oh shit we need to find Benrey.
> 
> Coomer: Happy family reunion time!
> 
> Bubby: Nobody tells me shit around here.
> 
> Joshua: Daddy are we aliens? :D
> 
> ——————
> 
> Benrey: Time to give up on finding Gordy because he’s gone forever :(


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The science team finds out some interesting information, there’s a really big fight, and the aftermath has some unforeseen surprises. Never the good kind though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some more body horror!

Coomer quietly shuts Gordon’s bedroom door, after all that excitement had burned down and Joshua’s many, many rapid fire questions were answered, as well as Gordon’s own exhaustion from the emotions he’d spent, the two had fallen asleep together. Gordon had curled protectively around his son and started purring heavily, holding him close in his six arms, Joshua happily asleep next to his dad. Coomer, after placing a blanket over the father and son, makes his way to the living room where Tommy and Bubby are waiting, Bubby impatiently bouncing his knee while sitting on the couch. 

“Alright so where the fuck is Benrey?” Bubby turns on Tommy immediately. “And how is Gordon’s son being affected by whatever this is? He shouldn’t be right?”

“W-well... Gordon a-and Benrey had an- an argument. It got- got bad, and Benrey went to Xen.” Tommy sighs running a hand through his hair, pausing to figure out his thoughts. “...Honestly... Un-unless Gordon was act- actually alien like B-Benrey or myself... Joshua shouldn’t be affected?” 

“I think the strangest thing is little Joshua did not change until after he was hugging Gordon.” Dr. Coomer supplies.

“So Gordon hid the fact he was also alien from all of us. Rude.” Bubby grumbles but it’s meant as a joke to ease the tension. 

Coomer sighs, “Bubby dear... It seems odd though that all of this is happening now.”

“It may be less odd than you think.” Mr. Coolatta steps out from a rift.

“Oh dad! Wait what do- do you mean?”

“I did some... Digging. Into Mr. Freeman’s past. Both from what he shared. And what I could find.” He opens up his briefcase and pulls out a manilla folder, setting it on the coffee table and taking a seat in an armchair that didn’t exist before, gesturing to the scientists and his son to be seated. “I will preface this with saying there are still holes... To the story, ones that can only be answered by Mr. Freeman himself. But I sense he is resting.”

“Yes, he had quite the morning. Finding his son was also able to produce changes like himself was quite an event.” Dr. Coomer nods.

“Quite fascinating... Progeny hiding traits instinctively as well...” Mr. Coolatta shakes his head, imperceptibly, “Something to ponder on after.”

“Alright stop with the cryptic shit, there’s obviously a story here.” Bubby growls impatiently. 

“In good time.” Mr. Coolatta opens the folder. “Mr. Freeman had quite the normal life, nothing strange about him stands out in all honesty. And even attempting to dig into his educational history brings nothing of interest that we... Didn’t know beforehand.” Mr. Coolatta begins. “However Mr. Freeman made mention of two things which may make this all seem. Less farfetched.”

“Well?” Bubby’s knee begins bouncing again making Dr. Coomer put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Mr. Freeman was adopted, shortly after a small period of hospitalization at age six.” The manilla envelope is slid forward, Bubby snatching it to read the medical report over. 

“Geez a crack to the head like that is a lot for a small child. Idiot getting himself hurt though is no surprise.” Bubby scoffs, passing the report to Coomer who eventually passes it to Tommy. “Doesn’t explain anything about being an alien though.”

“The park where Mr. Freeman was injured does not have a tire swing,” Mr. Coolatta replies, “Which meant someone covered up something, some investigation revealed that the parents of a young child had lied about it in order to make sure themselves and their child was not penalized. It turns out he was shoved quite hard in a children’s game, nothing odd stuck out about Mr. Freeman then according to those who witnessed it. No one could find any parents for Mr. Freeman to go to, the only thing he repeated a few times before passing out was asking for someone by the name of ‘Benny’.”

“O-oh… Oh Benrey…” Tommy covers his mouth, a pool of guilt in his stomach. He hadn’t believed Benrey, but with this new information from his dad.

“So if Gordon is actually from another world… And indeed have a connection to, I assume, Benrey from Tommy’s muttering, the injury would be enough for some memory loss, but why the inability to change out of looking human? For that matter why was he human looking in the first place?” Coomer frowns.

“Benrey has quite a few abilities. Ones like our own,” Mr. Coolatta gestures to himself and Tommy, “Which include being able to shift our forms to hide our true selves away. It is. A defense mechanism... And under the assumption Mr. Freeman is similar to us, that defense mechanism would have immediately aided in hiding him away, dampening his energy signature and allowing him to blend in with those around him. 

“My theory is that Mr. Freeman had used this defense, and the injury he received was enough for him to have significant memory loss after healing from it as you mentioned. His body also being in a state of shock, vaguely aware he was not on his home world, likely went into a kind of... Overdrive. Protecting itself from humans. 

“Xen was in a way... A catalyst. The energy of the plane reigniting Gordon’s own. It is why he most likely grew his arm back and why the freckles and other features have appeared.” Mr. Coolatta finishes.

“I see… While all this makes sense assuming this is accurate, with having the arm grow back it seems many of the changes are coming much more rapidly now, the freckles took a few days after to show but the horns and arms came the night after.” Dr. Coomer rubs at his chin.

“Yeah, Freeman’s been dealing with a lot of shit. And while I honestly don’t care, there’s a way to get the changes to slow down right?” Bubby crosses his arms. 

“I’m afraid I do not know of a way to do so. I assume they are happening quickly due to Gordon’s energy growing. Which is the other thing I came here to discuss.” Mr. Coolatta places his hands together. “Mr. Freeman is going to draw a lot of attention at this rate. He needs to go to Xen. Allow the changes to complete, and from there... We can deal with next steps.”

“I don’t think Gordon will be appreciative of this idea.” Dr. Coomer frowns. 

“Indeed but-“ Mr. Coolatta is cut off by Joshua making an appearance, now sporting a white tail covered in sparkly scales that reflect blues and greens heavily and has a tuft of fluff the same brown as his hair at the end, climbing into Dr. Coomer’s lap and whispers something in his ear which makes Coomer frown. 

“If you gentlemen would be so kind, there seems to be a situation... Gordon has apparently disappeared!” Dr. Coomer lets Joshua hug him putting a hand on the child’s back. 

“I see... likely he has gone to Xen on his own then.” Mr. Coolatta places the manilla folder back into his briefcase. “I was wondering why I could not sense him anymore.” He says, though doesn’t seem overly concerned. 

“We- we should go get him and Benrey!” Tommy says now much more worried, before pausing. “But- but who will watch Joshua?”

“I will take care of Mr. Freeman’s child. While you three go. Search. For them.” Mr. Coolatta says, “Though do be... Quick. I have appointments I need to get to. Later today.”

“R-right... Oh but we don’t- don’t want Xen to get mad... Hmm... I know!” Tommy smiles before his eyes start to glow a bright yellow, placing his hands on Bubby and Coomer’s shoulders. “There! We- we should be fine! Let- let’s go!” 

“No time like the present!” Dr. Coomer smiles, passing Joshua to Mr. Coolatta with a small wave. 

“Let’s get those idiots.” Bubby rolls his eyes. 

“Alright, hold on okay?” Tommy says, waiting for both of the older men to hold onto his jacket before opening a rift to Xen. 

* * *

Gordon screams in pain, his body is on fire, muscle and bone shifting and growing as he writhes on the ground trying to get any relief. Everything around him is blurry, unable to see without his glasses but he knows he’s back on Xen, the green sky and red dirt under him is all he needs to tell. Even if it’s barely a thought that stays in his mind between clenching his teeth so hard he should have cracked one by now and the white hot pain of him growing a tail. He thought he was done with additional limbs but damn his body wanted to prove him wrong. His feet hurt too, feeling the muscle twisting and shifting, toes merging into each other painfully slow as five becomes three with dagger length claws at the ends, a sharp claw coming off of his now raised heels makes tears spring to his eyes. Not that the spikes growing along his spine and tail aren’t causing him to scream either.

Something changes, making the pain duller, his mind filling with static. There are intruders, trying to be hidden, but they are there. Xen doesn’t want them. Xen needs Gordon to get rid of them. 

Gordon will obey Xen. 

His body shifts quicker, growing and building up muscle and defenses, his eyesight is clear, able to make out sharp details of the land that’s now far below him. Six clawed hands and now clawed feet dig into the island below him before he launches himself toward where the intruders are. All other creatures of Xen back away from him and the intruders, knowing he’ll take care of the problem. 

He’s one of the most powerful beings in the plane. Only matched by one other. 

He spots them, tiny compared to his massive form, whatever they’re shouting at him he can’t hear over Xen telling him to take care of the problem. Clawed hands come down, but don’t end up making it to their intended target, something black pulling his arms back. 

He whips around with a snarl, struggling against whatever is holding him back, slamming his spines along his back into it and wrapping his tail around as well making the creature hiss in pain. 

“Run! I’ll hold him off.” A voice cuts through the static of Xen’s demand to remove the intruders. 

“Benrey no! He’s- he’s not in control!” A voice whimpers, vaguely familiar but the static quickly removes that thought.

“I know that! But if you get out of here I can try to get through to him!”

“We aren’t leaving!” A different voice cuts in, familiarity once again quickly removed. 

“Go! Or you’re going to get killed!” Benrey shouts, struggling to keep Gordon’s arms under control.

Gordon snaps and snarls as the intruders run and disappear, freckles violently red in anger as he loses track of the intruders, no longer sensing their presence in Xen. “How dare you disobey Xen!” Gordon whips around to Benrey, pulling him down to the island below and slamming him into the pool of water. “Intruders must be removed!”

“Gordon! Snap out of it! Xen’s using you!” Benrey struggles under Gordon’s grasp, cuts littering his skin, trying to kick Gordon off of him. 

“And you are supposed to defend Xen if needed!” Gordon hisses, getting kicked off, cuts along his torso from the claws on Benrey’s feet. 

“Gordon, please! They left! Stop!” Benrey rolls away and glares at him, swiping out as Gordon attempts to attack him again. 

“Does not matter!” Gordon snaps, “You failed to defend!” Gordon gets a hand bitten by the mouth on Benrey’s shoulder but leaves deep cuts in the other shoulder from another arm swiping his clawed hand down. 

Benrey gives up reasoning with Gordon, if Gordon wanted a fight he’d give him one. They clash again, claws digging into each other, fangs biting into tough skin and coming back coated in blood. Benrey manages to get Gordon to the ground but Gordon wiggles free, clawing up Benrey’s sides and attempting to get onto his back. Benrey ends up slamming Gordon down, Gordon’s head hitting the stone below.

The fuzzy static starts to clear from Gordon’s mind, leaving the growing pain of his injuries and changes in its wake. “I- I was defending home... Defend home...” Gordon suddenly collapses, a much darker red starting to stain the stone from his head injury. 

“Shit... Shit. Fuck! Dammit, Tommy you’re not from Xen and fucking Bubby and Coomer too. Like what the fuck were you three thinking!? Why would you think that would work!?” Benrey growls as he watches Gordon breath heavily where he fell. He sighs, gently picking up Gordon and taking him to the cave they always used, glad it was plenty large for them being so big, to wait out Gordon waking up from his injuries. 

* * *

Gordon stared at the portal in front of him. Benny always said not to go into them because they can close really quickly but this one had stayed open for a while now. It was so tempting... Just a little peek wouldn’t hurt right? He looks to the end of the cave and seeing that Benny hasn’t come back yet he takes some cautious steps toward it, looking one more time before stepping through it. 

This new place is so cool! Weird soft stuff under his feet and the sky is really blue and these tall brown and green things are fascinating! He squeals in delight, immediately climbing up one and startling a few tiny creatures that fly away from him as he gets a view of the world. He spots some kind of weird structure, some other creatures playing in it while bigger ones mill about nearby. Climbing back down he makes his way cautiously in the weird plants toward them.

He watches them, laughing and playing around and he wants to join them. His body copying the features of these creatures, hiding away his tail and extra arms, freckles and horns quickly disappearing as well. As soon as he looks enough like them he joins the other creatures, copying their language quickly and learning they’re playing tag. 

He has so much fun! These creatures are so nice compared to other things on Xen, except for Benny, Benny is super nice. And oops he didn’t pay attention to the other creatures, one shoving into him harder than intended. He lost his balance, not used to only having two arms and no tail to catch himself and feels something hard connect with his head, feeling the warm sticky feeling of blood pooling behind him. He’d be okay in a little bit, even if it will hurt which he doesn’t like... Why is there two of everything? The bigger creatures are looking over him now, but he can’t find words to tell them he’ll be fine... Is it getting darker?

He wants Benny...

XXXXXXXXXXX

Gordon groans as he cracks an eye open. Everything hurt. It feels like he was hit by a cement truck. But he’s warm and next to Benny and that makes a lot of the pain go away. He immediately hugs himself to Benny, clinging tightly to him and rubbing his face in the mane that runs down his back, purring happily, freckles going from copper to blue for ‘I missed you’ followed by pink to blue for ‘I love you’. 

He gives a noise of disappointment and frowns as Benny pulls away from him like he was shocked, a deep violet like a sad song followed by dark blue showing up to ask what he did wrong. “Benny?” 

“Don’t call me that,  _ Feetman _ .” Benny hisses as his eyes narrow at him. “You’re fucking lucky I stopped you in time. You could have crushed Tommy, Bubby and Coomer!”

“Wh-“

“And don’t get me started about how you’re not supposed to be here!” Benny grips at his own hair, “ _ You _ were supposed to stay home and get some training or whatever from Tommy and stop this whole thing not come to Xen and make it  _ worse _ !” 

“Benny I-“

“ _ STOP _ calling me that!” Benny shouts as he gets up and moves away from him making Gordon curl up like he was burned. “ _ You _ don’t get to call me that.” Benny snaps and snarls at him. 

“Wh- why not? I- I’ve always called you that?” Gordon’s voice waivers, white for fright and question-mark-blue-dark as he stares at Benny looks taken aback before letting out an angry red stream of sweet voice making Gordon back up against the cave wall. 

“ _ Because you aren’t him!  _ You don’t get to use that nickname! And you’ve never called me that before,  _ Feetman! _ So fucking stop you  _ fucking bastard! _ ” Benny hisses colors on his body shifting into a threat display, making Gordon whimper and pull back even farther into himself.

“...I- I’m- I- B-Ben-“

“Shut up.” Benrey’s many eyes glare at him in distain. “Just shut the  _ fuck _ up,  _ Feetman _ .”

“...” Gordon sniffles, curling up tight and trembling. The deep violet like a sad song and question-mark-blue-dark repeating over and over in the freckles as he keeps wondering what he did wrong. 

Benrey glares at him for a long time before curling up, hissing at an injury that stretched when he moved. Gordon had done some significant damage and he was not happy with him. Especially not since the last time he saw him Gordon was blaming Benrey for his alien features. And now calling him Benny? Is Gordon seriously trying to piss him off?

He’s busy wrapped up in his own thoughts he doesn’t notice Gordon shrinking in size, back down to what he had been before coming to Xen. It’s not until a quiet whimper of pain makes him flick a few eyes over before rolling them. He speeds up his recovery and shrinks down himself, glaring at  _ Feetman _ who’d covered himself up with his tail, still going with the confused dumb-ass colors with his freckles as he clutches his head. “You really don’t know how to shut up do you?” Benrey snaps. 

“H-head hurts bad...S-S-Sorry.” Gordon whimpers, freckles going white as he pulls back from Benrey, or at least attempts to, back already pressed against the cave wall. “I-I’ll try to be- be quiet.” 

“Ugh, let me see your head.”

“N-no!” The white gets more intense, “Y-you- you don’t- don’t-“

“ _ Feetman _ , fucking let me see your head.” He snaps, not having any patience for Gordon right now. Gordon just tucks in on himself tighter in response. “Dammit! Do you want me to make it stop hurting or not!” Benrey growls.

“I-I- I’m sorry Benny!” Gordon bursts into tears making Benrey take a startled step back, getting ready to snap at Gordon again before the man continues. “I know you- you warned me! I- I shouldn’t have g- gone through the portal! I’m sorry! I’m s- sorry Benny!” Gordon bawls.

“What?” Benrey stares at him confused, did he mean the Xen portal in the Lambda Lab? And he’s still calling him Benny. “Ugh look,  _ Feetman _ , you’re obviously injured and tired and shit, I’m going to get food, don’t fucking leave the cave or I’ll kick your sorry ass across Xen.” Benrey turns and leaves before Gordon can respond. 

* * *

“I thought you said we’d be fine! That was a fucking close call!” Bubby snaps, annoyed with how much walking they’d been doing. Xen was huge and so far they hadn’t found either Benrey or Gordon after the thankfully intercepted attack. Not that he couldn’t hold his own! It’s just Gordon had been huge and surprisingly fast. 

“S-s-sorry, Bubby. I-I miscalculated how long it would take for us to get hidden from Xen. That- that was my fault...” Tommy sighs. 

“What matters is none of us were harmed thanks to Benrey’s excellent intercept.” Coomer smiles trying to keep the calm. 

“Whatever. We need to find them soon.” Bubby grumbles. 

“They- they blend in a little better in Xen. I- I’m trying to focus on Benrey but he’s a little bit tricky to feel and G-Gordon is too unstable to-“ he pauses feeling a shift in the energies around them, Gordon’s rather unstable one suddenly clear and strong. “N-nevermind! I- I feel Gordon!” Tommy says excitedly, “This way!” Starting to leap across different islands and head in the direction of Gordon’s now stable energy. 

“Fucking finally!” Bubby grins and takes off after Tommy, Coomer hot on his heels. 

It takes a while, but eventually Tommy stops in front of a dark cave mouth. “He- he’s in here... I’m- I’m going to have to change so I can guide you two.”

“Well get to it.” Bubby taps his foot impatiently. 

“I- I haven’t shown-“

“It’s quite alright Tommy! Given both Benrey and Gordon’s situations, I believe Bubby and I will be quite fine with how you look.” Coomer pats his shoulder getting a small smile from Tommy. 

“O-okay.” He nods, shifting form, a soft yellow glow coming off his skin as he lets the human disguise go. “J-just stay quiet... We- we don’t know if- if Xen is still controlling him...”

“It better fucking not be.” Bubby grumbles under his breath. But does as asked, following Tommy’s lead with Coomer at his side. It’s a long walk to the back of the cave, but it’s certainly quite the sight once they reach it, the soft glow of the alien plants and the pool of water lets Tommy drop his own glow. Tommy gestures to the older scientists to follow him, ears pulled back as he nervously listens for anything bad before tilting his head and raising an ear up.

“What?” Bubby whispers. 

“I- I hear cr-crying?” Tommy frowns, leading them ahead to where Gordon’s energy is, Coomer and Bubby now able to hear the soft sniffling sounds as they get closer. 

“M-mister Freeman?” Tommy calls out seeing the tight ball against the wall that is where Gordon’s energy is coming from. 

“Hello, Gordon!” Coomer greets cheerfully.

“There you fucking are.” Bubby snaps and strides forward, stopping when Gordon’s head snaps up, freckles bright white as he backs up away from them. 

“Gordon?” Coomer frowns. 

“S-stay back!” Gordon whimpers, body scraping against the wall as he pulls away. 

“We’re taking your sorry ass home.” Bubby frowns, annoyed but also confused. 

“G-g-go away!” Gordon lets out a weak attempt at a growl. 

“M-mister Freeman? Are- are you alright?” Tommy asks, trying to get closer.

“Who- who are you?” Gordon keeps backing up, eventually ending up trapped in a corner. His question making them all pause.

“It’s us Gordon! The science team!” Coomer puts on a smile that doesn’t quite meet his worried eyes. 

“Y-yeah! We’re your friends M-mister Freeman!” Tommy smiles similarly to Coomer, trying to figure out why recognition isn’t entering Gordon’s green eyes, noting the now light green sclera versus the void like black the sclera had been when he was attacking them. 

“Wh-“

“Come on you fucking idiot, this is dangerous enough for us, don’t fuck around.” Bubby growls, feeling his hands flare up which makes Gordon pull back like he’s trying to become a part of the cave wall. 

“I- I don’t know what- what you’re talking about! G-go away! Benny s-said to not go anywhere! I don’t- d-don’t know who you a-are! Leave me a-alone!” Gordon whimpers, clutching at his head. 

Bubby spots the blood on Gordon’s hand when he pulls it away from his head to swipe at Coomer who’d take a step forward first, “...Well that explains it.  _ Fuck _ .”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for everyone to sit down and talk!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahahahahah I can’t stop apparently so here’s another chapter.

It took a while, but eventually Gordon realized the strange creatures were not going to hurt him. Which made him really excited and bombard them with question after question. Eagerly poking at them and studying them. 

“What are these?” He picks something off the face of the grumpy one. 

“Glasses! You know what glasses are! You wear them too!” They groan, swiping them back. 

“No I don’t? See?” He leans in, making them take a startled step back. “And you’re fluffy like Benny!” Gordon giggles reaching for the one with a tail. 

“G-Gordon please don't do this- this isn’t the time for this.” They pull away making Gordon pout. 

“What do you mean? Benny is getting food. He’ll like you! Un- unless he’s still mad.” Navy blue for sadness taking over the freckles. 

“I’d be mad too if I had to fight you off.” The mean one says. 

“Fight me off? I don’t fight. Benny does the fighting...” 

“Gordon... You don’t remember attacking us?” The rounder one asks. 

“No... I remember the- the... Park! That’s the word! Park. And I hit my head- that really hurt -and I woke up and Benny was mad... It’s ‘cause I went through the portal... Or I thought it was, but he seemed confused...”

“Oh boy... so mentally he’s like six now?” Bubby groans. 

“Huh?” Gordon tilts his head confused. 

“Why don’t you take a look at yourself in the pool, Gordon. That may spark something.” Coomer tries, directing his attention to the water. 

“Okay?” Gordon nods and heads over, leaning over the water to look at himself. “Whoa... I got taller!” Tommy snorts at the comment, Gordon having said the same thing about his changes in the mirror the night before. 

“Why do I have hair on my face? I look tired too... Hmmm...”

“It’s because you’re 27 dumb-ass. I didn’t think you hit your head that hard.” Benrey grumbles bringing in the food. A bunch of Gordon’s favorite fruits! Gordon’s tail waves excitedly before remembering Benny’s mad at him. “And you three should really go home.” He wheels around to Tommy, Bubby, and Coomer, “One, because whatever little trick Tommy’s doing won’t last long. And two, I really do not want to deal with Feetman again when Xen takes him.” He spits out some angry red orbs making Gordon pull back in on himself. 

“Gordon did- did hit his head hard Benrey.” Tommy says, stepping forward, “Twice actually... Once when he was six and- and apparently when you two fought. He- He doesn’t really remember Earth...”

“Gordon was born on Earth, Tommy.” Benrey rolls his many eyes, putting the fruit in front of Gordon who takes it carefully, as if worried Benrey would take it away. Once he gets eating though his tail beats the ground happily, Benrey watching the action confused. 

“Actually dear friend, we learned of a development from Tommy’s father!” Coomer smiles, “There is evidence to suggest Gordon was not born on Earth. Joshua has very similar features to his father!”

“The headcrab?” Gordon tilts his head confused, question-mark-blue-dark freckles replacing the warmer sherbet orange he had while eating the fruit. 

Benrey gives a snort then looks over at Gordon again confused. “How do you know about the headcrab?” He asks, tone defensive but not without curiosity.

“...We named it together, or well you caught it and gave it a name.” Gordon says quietly, as if afraid Benrey will yell at him, not unfounded given what had happened before Benrey had left to get food. 

“...” He stares at Gordon for a long moment, before shaking his head. He must have said something about the headcrab during their time trying to escape Black Mesa. Tommy gives a frustrated groan making him stare at Tommy instead. “I don’t know why you’re frustrated given I’m not the one whose life is in danger but go off I guess.” Benrey snorts. 

Tommy’s glow gets bright as he gets angry, the eye on his forehead glowing yellow before he takes a deep breath and calms down. “Gordon. Do you mind telling Benrey the last thing you remember?” He tries.

“I- I already tried...” Gordon looks away, focusing on his fruit instead.

“Can you try again?” Tommy asks gently. 

“Bro, leave  _ Feetman _ be.” Benrey sneers. “Sooner he’s outta my hair the better.”

“Benrey would you just-“ 

“No!” Benrey snaps as he cuts off Tommy. “No. I’m done. I’m tired Tommy, I can’t keep doing this to myself. I’ve looked for fucking years and it’s time I just accepted he’s gone.” Benrey growls. 

“We are trying to tell you he’s n-not! Gordon getting his head hit again did something! He remembers at least his past! Why do you think he’s acting so weird!?” Tommy starts glowing brighter toward the end, taking another breath to calm down. 

“Because he’s  _ Feetman _ .” Benrey huffs, not listening to this. Tommy knows this is a sore spot so why is he digging at it! “Just knock it off. We need to figure out how to make him human again.” Benrey waves Tommy off. 

“What’s a human?” Gordon asks, tilting his head. “A- and why do you keep calling me Feetman... It- It’s not my name... You haven’t called me by my name once Benny...” Gordon mumbles and curls up having finished the fruit off. 

“You’re a human idiot. Or well were. And your name is  _ Feetman _ because it is. And I told you.  _ You _ are  **_not_ ** allowed to call me that!” Benrey’s claws scratch into the dirt floor of the cave. 

“........” Gordon flinches at Benrey shouting at him. 

“Benrey you’re being a total dumb ass motherfucker right now.” Bubby snaps at him, drawing annoyance from Benrey. “Does the shit Gordon’s saying mean anything to you? Do you even fucking hear him? He sounds like a lost fucking puppy!” 

“Gordon, what name do you mean?” Coomer asks quietly as Bubby and Benrey continue to argue in the background. 

“Huh?”

“You mentioned Benrey hasn’t called you by your name?” Coomer supplies, Tommy watching the exchange now. 

“He- he keeps calling me Feetman? I don’t- don’t get it... But- But he normally... Normally he calls me...” Gordon mumbles something too quietly for Coomer to catch but Tommy does, waving his hands to Bubby and Benrey to shut up.

“Can you repeat that, Gordon?” Coomer sees that Bubby is watching and even though Benrey is turned away, an eye on his upper arm is watching the exchange. 

“Benny hasn’t called me Gordy...” There’s a few sniffles from Gordon before he curls up. “He- he always calls me Gordy...”

Benrey visibly stiffens up, eye that was still watching them wide, staring directly at Gordon, even his three tails don’t move. Bubby, Coomer, and Tommy hold their breaths, hoping Benrey would not do anything stupid. 

“Who told him?” Benrey’s tone is carefully neutral. 

“What?” Bubby frowns. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Who told him?” Benrey growls, turning around and slamming a hand down near the trio. 

“Benny stop it!” Gordon pulls him away from them, Coomer letting a sigh of relief out. 

“Who told you! How do you know that name!?” Benrey snaps. 

“I know it! I know it because when you first found me I told you my name was Gordon but you kept calling me Gordy! I know it because you only call me Gordon when I do something dangerous like when I got too close to the Vortigaunts that one time and nearly got zapped! And you always say ‘Night, Gordy’ before we go to sleep.” Gordon’s got tears running down his eyes as he rushes to tell Benrey everything, Benrey’s eyes all staring at him in shock. “And- and I’m sorry I went through that portal when you told me not to, i got curious and the place on the on the other side was nice but I hit- hit my head...” Gordon suddenly falls onto his knees, upper hands holding his head as the rest support him.

Benrey pulls one of Gordon’s hands back to reveal it slick with blood. “Bro!? Why didn’t you say anything!?” Benrey panics, immediately starting to sing teal green heal beam out, orbs hitting the wound. 

“Oh, whoops I thought he got better given the sudden twenty questions shit he pulled like Joshua did.” Bubby blinks. 

“I similarly thought that was the case.” Coomer nods. 

“Why isn’t it healed yet? I thought he was a fast healer like you?” Tommy directs at Benrey who stops his singing for the moment, shifting Gordon into his lap and holding him around his middle with his third arm.

“Gordon is not a fast healer.” Benrey mutters, “Found that out the hard way early on, was getting food and a peeper puppy attacked him, I luckily came back in time to chase it off but it took like four days for him to regrow the hands it had managed to bite off.” Benrey grumbles before picking up singing again. Pulling Gordon’s hair away from the injury and finding a faded but very visible scar along his scalp about two centimeters higher than the new injury, an careful finger tracing it after he finishes closing the new wound. 

“Didn’t like mean peeper puppy...” Gordon mumbles, rubbing at the wrists of two of his hands, he’s feeling really sleepy now, even after Benny healed him. 

“No. It was mean. But now’s bath time though, don’t want nasty blood in your hair.” Benrey sighs, pulling Gordon to the pool. 

“Mmm... Tired.”

“Bath.”

“It’ll make you feel better, Gordon!” Coomer smiles making Benrey turn to them.

“Like. Bros. For real. Please go home. I’ll get him back to his apartment after this, just please before Xen does some stupid shit again?” Benrey sighs as he sets Gordon in the water which starts glowing brighter when they disturb it. 

“O-okay. If- if you need us don’t hesitate to- to get us okay?” Tommy nods. 

“Right.” Benrey shrugs before focusing on Gordon in the water, trying to get the blood out of the long since let loose hair Gordon normally kept pulled back. 

Tommy sighs and pulls Bubby and Coomer through a rift before they can complain. 

“Benny?” Gordon stares up at him, expression pensive but his freckles staying neutral orange. “Why um... Why do I not remember things? It- it sounds like I don’t...”

“You hit your head hard. Kinda my fault... Dunno if you’ll remember the newer stuff...” Twenty one years of human memories down the drain like that huh? It feels bittersweet to get Gordy back if Feetman was gone...

“...Well... At least we’re together again right?” Gordon asks softly. “I’m... I’m sorry I forgot you.”

“Obviously that’s not your fault.” Benrey shakes his head. 

“Kinda is... I wasn’t paying attention...”

“Gordon... Gordy... It’s really not your fault... I’m sorry it took so long to find you.” Benrey sniffles, wiping at his face as he sits in the water, finished with Gordon’s hair now. Gordon immediately sits up and hugs himself to Benrey, purring quietly. 

“It’s okay... It’s okay Benny... We’re not on our own anymore.” Gordon rests his head on Benrey’s mouth free shoulder. “We’re gonna be fine...” He keeps purring and holding Benrey as he falls asleep, Benrey shaking his head slightly when he hears the first snores.

“We aren’t... Let’s get you home...” He holds Gordon tight as he opens a rift to Gordon’s apartment, ending up in the bathroom where he dries them both off quickly before depositing Gordon in his bed. 

He walks out shifting away the most alien features, a few extra eyes and black clings to his fingers, speaking quietly as he joins the rest of the Science team in the living room, “Yo... He’s in his bed now.”

“Hey, Benrey.” Tommy gives him a soft smile which makes him rub his shoulder before he feels something cling to his leg.

“You’re an alien too!” The small child that looks incredibly similar to Gordon when he was younger says from his leg. Benrey blinks and gives a nod making the kid giggle. “I’m Joshua!”

“Benrey.” He nods, a little overwhelmed from everything. “Uh... Your dad’s in his bed... Sleepy time for him though.”

“That’s okay!” Joshua smiles perfectly content to keep clinging making Benrey shift uncomfortably. 

“Joshua, how about I read you a bed time story!” Coomer smiles and scoops up the young boy who giggles and nods happily, Bubby trailing behind them as they head off to the other bedroom.

“How are you doing, Ben?” Tommy asks softly. 

“...I dunno...” He gives a shrug, 

“I- I’m sure it’s been tough... You- you should take a nap too.”

“...” Benrey stares at the ground. “...Do you think he’ll remember being Feetman?”

“I hope he- he does. But we’ll have to- to wait and see.” Tommy frowns. 

“...Mmm...”

“... Is this about his arm? He forgave you though right? Since it grew back?”

“It’s not. But. I don’t think I forgive myself for that... I- I meant like... He- He’s not alright... And it’s my fault again and- and even if he does remember me now he doesn’t know how shitty I’ve been to him, and if- if he does remember then I still was shitty to him!” Benrey collapses onto the couch. 

“Benrey, take- take a breath.” Tommy puts a hand on his shoulder, “Today’s been a- a lot... And- and I know there’s still questions to answer and problems to solve... But we don’t have to- have to answer them all right now, okay?”

“...Mmm...” Benrey shrugs again, looking at Gordon’s bedroom door.

“...I’m pretty sure Gordon won’t be mad if you take a nap with him.”

“What if he wakes up and is-“

“Benrey, it’ll be okay. I’ll come and sit in the room too.”

“...”

“Need a hug?”

“Yeah.” Tommy is quick to comply, holding Benrey tight for a while before gently pulling him into Gordon’s room, ending up joining them on the bed so Benrey ends up in the middle.

“Night, Ben.”

“Night...” Benrey sighs, letting his exhaustion take him to unconsciousness.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon hurtin’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for heavier body horror in this chapter.

Benrey wakes up first, Tommy pressing against his back is somehow a reassurance that things will be okay as he stares at Gordon’s sleeping form, his mind wandering over all the possibilities of what will happen once Gordon wakes up. Gordon could remember only Xen, be in a fucked up state of acting and thinking like a little kid, which while points for having memories from then has the way uncool downside of losing his memories of his son and the life he built on Earth. Gordon could also wake up and remember only his human life again, that thought leaves a bitter taste in Benrey’s mouth, if only because now he knew he had Gordon back in his grasp and that would mean losing him all over again. Not to mention all the memories of the shit they went through in Black Mesa. 

The worst case though is if Gordon didn’t remember anything. 

Benrey shook his head of that thought quickly in order to hope for the best case instead; Gordon remembering both Xen and his Human life. While there’s definitely some sucky shit they’ll have to talk through, it’ll be far easier if Gordon does remember Xen, easier to explain a lot more if he does. Harder to explain half of everything if he doesn’t. Tommy shifts and stretches against his back before settling back down, not getting up just yet. Gordon hasn’t moved beyond the steady rise and fall of his chest. It’s honestly really relaxing to listen to and Benrey starts to drift off again when the bedroom door suddenly opens and the blur that is Joshua leaps into the bed and tackles Gordon, giggling and holding tight to him, quickly transforming in response to being near Gordon’s energy. 

“Ack!” Gordon’s eyes snap open as he gets the wind knocked out of him. Tommy waking up startled behind Benrey who’s frozen in place waiting for Gordon’s reaction to... Everything. 

“Joshua!” Bubby runs in after the kid, pausing by the door for only a moment as if waiting for what Benrey was waiting for as well, before shaking his head and coming over to try and collect Joshua from Gordon. Tommy slowly getting out of the bed and shaking Benrey’s shoulder to get him to do the same, but Benrey’s now multiple eyes are focused on Gordon and he can’t bring himself to pull away just yet. He has to know if Gordon remembers.

Gordon is silent for a long moment, Bubby almost to the side of the bed, before Gordon suddenly scoops up Joshua and blows a raspberry on his cheek. “Good morning, goofball.” Gordon laughs as Joshua squeals. 

“Morning, daddy!” Joshua grins up happily and leans against him, “Where’d you go yesterday?”

“O-oh um... Daddy went to... To a different world. He had uh... Uh- um... Important daddy business to take care of.” Gordon stumbles through the explanation. 

“Can I go?” Joshua’s blue eyes stare up in excitement to meet Gordon’s very green and nervous ones.

“N-not just yet, buddy. Maybe when you’re older you can go-“

“One second older now!” Joshua giggles, Bubby snorts and shakes his head, leaving the room with Tommy in tow. 

“You know what I mean, kiddo.” Gordon snorts. 

“Awwww...” Joshua pouts before noticing Benrey still staring at them. “Why do you have so many eyes?” Freckles turning question-mark-blue-dark. 

“Whuh?” Benrey startles at being addressed suddenly. Gordon blinking at him and tilting his head, question-mark-blue-dark coming over his own freckles as his tail flicks lazily. Joshua’s own tail flicking in response to seeing his dad’s move out of the corner of his eye. 

“Why do you have so many eyes?” Joshua asks again, leaning in curious of Benrey, but not leaving the safety of Gordon’s many arms. 

“I uh... just do? Like to be able to see things?” Benrey raises an eyebrow, a little hesitant of Joshua, as well as worried about what Gordon will say. Bastard seems content with staying silent through this interaction though, watching for something, still unclear what he does and does not remember. 

“Seeing is good.” Joshua nods very seriously making Gordon’s careful neutral expression shift into a soft smile and ruffle his hair lightly. 

“Alright kiddo, let’s go eat something, and make sure the kitchen is not burning down...” Gordon mumbles the latter half under his breath, lifting Joshua into his upper arms and getting out of the bed slowly. When he gets to the door he turns back, seeing Benrey hasn’t moved from his spot on the bed. “You coming?” Gordon asks, raising an eyebrow at Benrey.

“Huh? Yeah, coming.” Benrey pulls himself out of his thoughts and follows after Gordon who joins the rest of the science team in the kitchen. 

Dr. Coomer is almost done with the pancakes he’d been making as Gordon sets Joshua down in a chair and looks around before scratching the side of his head. “Um… Apologies for the lack of chairs? Normally it’s just me and Joshie…” 

“Quite understandable, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer smiles at him as he brings the platter over to the small table. “We already ate! He gestures to himself and Bubby, “So four is plenty of chairs for you, Joshua, Benrey, and Tommy.” 

“O-oh, okay.” Gordon nods, settling into a chair of his own, leaning over feeling slightly awkward about how tall he is. 

“How- How’s your head doing Mister Freeman?” Tommy asks carefully. 

“Hmm? Oh… I’ve got a little bit of a headache, but I’ll be alright.” Gordon gives Tommy a small smile. “…Sorry I’m like, totally freezing, I’ll be right back.” Gordon mumbles, heading back to his bedroom for a moment and getting a throw blanket to wrap around himself. He settles back in the chair, giving Dr. Coomer an appreciative smile for the plate of pancakes in front of him. 

The team lets Gordon eat for a while before Dr. Coomer finally speaks up, “Gordon… We are a little concerned about your memory, given what happened on Xen…” Coomer thankfully leaves out the details to spare Joshua any worry. Joshua pre-occupied by his own pancakes doesn’t seem to hear him. “Do you mind telling us what you remember?” 

“On Xen? Geez… I remember uh… Gordon hurtin’ a lot… A lot, a lot… And then static? It’s like I was shut down for a long time?” Gordon rubs at his chin, thinking back over yesterday. “Then uh… The cave…” Gordon rubs at the injury he got yesterday. “…I uh… I guess I need to share something else.” He says quietly, taking a deep breath before speaking again, anxious green tea taking over his freckles. “The- the night my arm was… Back. I had a dream about Xen… About being a child there, human in that first dream besides how green my eyes were… And then I kept having them, various snippets of being a child there, getting more and more… alien like this,” He gestures to himself, “And at first I thought it was me going nuts after all the crap that had happened because it was just… So much. So much happened at Black Mesa and on Xen…” Gordon sighs, lower pairs of arms wrapped around himself and top hand rubbing his shoulder. 

“I just… I didn’t want to make anyone more worried about like, my mental state or anything… Since I was definitely freaking out about my body changing like this… But the last dream I had was about when we met Benrey… Before the horns and arms grew…” He finally looks toward Benery, obviously very nervous about sharing this information with them all. “…It’s still only bits and pieces in here…” He taps his head lightly with a quiet chuckle, “But uh… I do- I do remember Xen. I remember it… I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t say anything about the dreams sooner…” His eyes drift down to the table again, not wanting to look at anyone else in the room. 

“…We appreciate your willingness to share, Gordon.” Dr. Coomer stands up and pats him on the back, “It certainly has been a lot to deal with I’m sure.” 

“Heh… Yeah…” Gordon sighs, picking at a small chip in the wood of the table. 

“W-well… First thing we- we should do is teach you how to um… hide- hide your form…” Tommy finally cuts in after a long minute of silence. Gordon wincing since Benrey hasn’t spoken yet. 

“W-well… I vaguely recall how to do it?” Gordon mumbles, white starting to creep into his freckles, “B-but um… I-I think Joshie should probably not be nearby… It- It might freak him out.” It’s a half truth, one that the whole team sees through given the freckles and the fact that Joshua seems perfectly able to change without issue. Something else is worrying Gordon about changing back. Benrey reaches a hand out to put it on Gordon’s shoulder, but ends up pulling back, worries from before breakfast filling his mind again. 

“Not to worry, Gordon. Bubby and I can watch over Joshua.” Dr. Coomer gives a smile but there is some worry in his eyes. 

“Thanks, Dr. Coomer…” Gordon gives a small nod, huddling under his blanket a bit more, making himself a bit smaller as Bubby and Coomer take Joshua out of the kitchen to go play in his room. 

“So... What- what’s the plan?” Tommy frowns slightly, tilting his head. 

“...Probably best to try it in my room. Door closed and all that...” Gordon rubs a pair of hands down his face. “...It’s probably going to hurt isn’t it? Given how much it hurt having everything show up...” 

“I- I don’t know Mister- Mister Freeman...” Tommy says gently. “But we- we will be with you okay?” 

“Yeah, you’re not doing it alone ‘kay?” Benrey finally speaks, drawing Gordon’s eyes to him. 

“...Thanks guys...” Gordon says softly before slowly standing up. “I- I guess we give this a shot.” Freckles showing his anxiety is through the roof but he’s going to attempt it anyway, heading to the bedroom with Tommy and Benrey following, shutting the door behind them.

Gordon sits on the bed, curling up and shutting his eyes, trying to take a steadying breath. Tommy sits by his side, hand on Gordon’s back. Benrey stands awkwardly at the edge of the bed, Gordon looks up at him confused, “...Benrey?”

“Huh?” There’s some awkward shuffling from Benrey as he sits at the edge of the bed, fiddling with his claws, a small frown on his face. 

“Benrey you’ve uh... You’ve been really quiet are you okay?” Gordon asks with a frown. 

“...Fine, bro, totally fine. Besides we gotta- gotta help you get all human-y.” Benrey shrugs, not looking at Gordon. 

“Ben...” Gordon frowns. Tommy stays silent, seeing this is between the two of them, and sensing where the conversation is going carefully pulls away from Gordon and slips out of the room. 

“Dude just focus on you man.” Benrey tries to brush him off. 

“Benrey. You’re obviously thinking about something.” Gordon growls slightly in frustration. “...Is it that I didn’t say anything about the dreams? I’m sorry that I didn’t but-“

“No. No it’s not about that. That’s fair. I get that. Little uncool but like, fair.” Benrey hunches in on himself. “It’s me being dumb okay? Just- Just focus on you, dude.”

“Benrey you aren’t dumb. Please just talk to me?” Gordon gently sets a hand on Benrey’s shoulder and another on his thigh. 

“...I hurt you...” Benrey’s voice is barely a whisper. 

“Yeah and I hurt you too...” Gordon frowns and stares at his lap, “We both did some shitty stuff man.”

“Yeah but like- I still thought you were human when I got your arm cut off. And- and I didn’t know at the time human’s didn’t grow them back, but still! I shouldn’t have done that!” Benrey clutches at his hair, tugging it slightly. 

“Whoa, hey, Ben, calm down okay?” Gordon frowns and pulls Benrey into a hug, “Listen... I get it, it feels like you fucked up bad. I fucked up bad too. Like I killed you man? I straight up shot at you prior to Xen and in it.” Gordo rests his forehead in Benrey’s hair. “And- and we can say now that we never would have if we had known all of what we know now... It doesn’t change what happened. But please... I’m just as much at fault as you are...” Gordon’s arms all wrap around Benrey. 

Benrey sniffles and hugs Gordon back, “I know but- but I made you forget Joshua...”

“Yeah I did for a little bit there, but I remembered after seeing him.” Gordon says gently, running a hand in Benrey’s hair. “And you did what you needed to in order to protect the team from me... I’d be much more messed up right now if I had ended up killing them...” He swallows thickly at the horrible thought.

“You didn’t though.”

“Yeah because of you.” 

“...I’m sorry...” Benrey sighs softly.

“Me too...” Gordon just keeps Benrey against him for a while before letting out a deep sigh. “...And Ben?” Gordon gets Benrey to look at him before continuing, “I don’t hate you. And I’m glad we could reconnect... Even if it’s been in a really weird way heh...”

“Me too Gordon... It sucked losing you...”

“Well... We’ll have to make up for it.” Gordon gives a small smile. “But first... It’s time to give changing to look human a shot... I- I’m really freaking out about trying this...” The noxious green color starts coming back in his freckles. 

“Okay.” Benrey blinks at the shift in mood and what’s about to happen, “Yeah... Just- just hold onto me okay? Focus on what you looked like before. If- if you need a picture or something we can get one.” Benrey says, staying hugged to Gordon. 

“Okay... I- I think I’m okay... Just- just stay with me okay?”

“I’m not leaving you.” Benrey says with a serious look in his eyes. 

“Okay. Okay. I can do this. Gordon can do this.” Gordon takes a few deep breaths as he tries to focus on looking human. Eyes shut tight and muscle bracing itself against Benrey’s side as he tenses up for what’s to come next.

Pain immediately flares up making Gordon gasp as the first thing to start shifting is the spines on his back. Benrey gives a small grunt as Gordon squeezes him tighter before quietly singing out some teal green heal beam in the hopes it will help Gordon out. Gordon makes some noise that was supposed to be a ‘Thanks’ before it turned into a whimper as his feet begin throbbing and his tail beginning to shrink. Benrey frowns at how slow the process is, trying to keep singing to Gordon to at least dull the pain but it doesn’t seem to have much effect. Gordon growls as he feels the scales on his legs also begin changing to skin, hissing and pressing his face into Benrey’s hair. “I- I can’t!” Gordon gasps out, tears springing to his eyes as the pain of everything overwhelms him and the change suddenly stops and everything reverts back to fully alien. “I can’t! I can’t! It hurts like a _fucking_ _nightmare_! Everything hurts!” Gordon presses into Benrey. 

“Gordon, Gordon it’s okay, I know it hurts, but- but it should get easier in time right? Did it hurt when you first went human-y?” Benrey brushes Gordon’s hair away from his face, idly wondering where Gordon normally keeps his hair ties. 

“N-no I don’t re- remember it hurting...” Gordon sniffles, shaking his head against Benrey. 

“You’re just- just hella rusty at it. Soon you’ll- you’ll be a champ. Pog it hard, swap easy. You’ll just need to- to keep trying bro.”

“Gordon hurting...” Is the quiet whimper of a reply. 

“I know, I know... But you gotta... I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. I’m actually an alien, ya know.” Gordon snorts as he wipes at his face. 

“Yeah but doesn’t mean I’m not sorry you have to be so cringe at this right now.” Benrey chuckles as he keeps messing with Gordon’s hair for a while, Gordon slowly beginning to purr at the touch. Pink starts appearing in the freckles making Benrey pause and blink. Pink in general just means loving something.

“Why’d you stop...” Gordon mumbles, “Feels nice...”

“...Ah uh... You- you should try again...” Benrey winces, not wanting to make Gordon go through the pain again, but he did have to get this eventually.

“...Mmm...” Gordon grumbles, shutting his eyes and trying again, immediately clinging tighter to Benrey as the pain begins again. The beginning at least is slightly easier, now that he knows what to expect, but as soon as he starts getting to where he’d gotten before it gets way more intense. Claws shrinking back, muscle and bone rearranging and cracking into place as he whimpers in Benrey’s arms. It feels like his head is splitting open as the horns slowly get shorter, making Gordon’s eyes water. Getting his tail to disappear and his spine to shrink as the four additional arms disappear makes him tug Benrey ever closer, Benrey singing a combo of the heal beam and the chill out blue to try and help Gordon through the slow transformation. 

It’s about an hour later that Gordon, trembling slightly from exhaustion, panting hard from the changes is finally human looking again. Benrey carefully rubs small circles on Gordon’s back as he holds him, still singing chill out blue sweet voice which makes Gordon’s bedroom glow.

“That- that was the worst thing ever.” Gordon rasps out with a weak chuckle. 

“Ever huh? You said the same thing when the Peeper Puppy took two of your hands.” Benrey jokes lightly but winces since ‘Human’ Gordon also lost a hand and that conversation was still fresh. To his surprise Gordon ends up chuckling quietly too. 

“Yeah that was bad, but this was way worse. My whole body hurts bro. Gordon need nap.”

“Yeah, you can nap bro, small nap for Gordo.” Benrey snorts. 

“Great.” And Gordon is out like a light against Benrey who blushes slightly having Gordon continue hugging him while he sleeps. Benrey hadn’t expected Gordon to still trust him or want to stay with him after he changed back given their little heart to heart earlier. But given Gordon’s grip on Benrey he’s not going to be moving any time soon. Benrey adjusts himself and Gordon so they can at least lie down, content to watch Gordon sleep for a while as he plays with Gordon’s hair gently. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey does some thinking, the results might shock you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a shorter chapter, but it was a good time to break out some fluff stuff in here lol

Benrey ended up getting bored and pulling out a PSP, quietly clicking the buttons as he plays a version of Centipede that was ported over to the handheld. He was trying to stay quiet, but it is sort of difficult given what level he’s on. Blasting the wriggling creatures coming down the screen. Gordon makes a soft noise of discomfort as he shifts making Benrey glance down at him with an extra set of eyes. 

Gordon’s hair is unfairly pretty when it’s all loose like this. 

He makes a third arm appear, stroking Gordon’s hair to keep him calm still, figuring he needed some more Z’s before facing the science team and his son. It’s kinda funny how alike Gordon and his kid look. Joshua’s hair might be lighter and the colors sorta inverse of his dad, but if he had another set of arms he’d be a total copy of Gordon as a kid. He hisses hearing the game over music, distracted by his thoughts, he starts a new game up immediately. 

Gordon pulls himself a little tighter to Benrey, causing him to pause the game and check on Gordon. Gordon’s face is scrunched up, from the little he can see since it’s pressed against his side. Muscles tense and a tight grip on Benrey’s hoodie make him sigh. Quietly singing some chill out blue to see if it will help, he starts his game back up while still watching over Gordon with a spare pair of eyes. The door creaks open, Dr. Coomer comes over, giving a glance over Gordon before addressing Benrey, who pauses the game again. 

“Bubby and I are going to be heading home. Tommy said he’s staying here and I presume you are as well?” Is the surprisingly soft whisper from the boisterous man. 

“Yep. Don’t think he’s gonna let me leave given his grip on me.” Benrey snorts. 

“I can see.” Coomer smiles with a shake of his head. “Looking back on it, I can see how you two had some kind of connection with each other in Black Mesa. You both were rather... Intense sometimes, but I could tell Gordon did care about you.” Benrey blinks at the statement, all he really remembers is when Gordon got angry. 

“Huh?”

“The way he’d get worried even though he knew you wouldn’t be hurt. At least early on... And even though he complained about it, he’d still listen when you chose to ramble on something.” Coomer smiles like he’s talking about the weather or something that’s not this subject that’s making Benrey feel his cheeks warm up. “Oh and not to mention the glances he gave you every so often!” There’s something conspiratorial in Coomer’s grin but Benrey isn’t able to pick up on it, too distracted by the thoughts in his brain. “At the end I think he wanted to believe we could still save you, somewhere deep down.”

“Wh-“

“Well I must get Bubby home. Make sure he eats something later alright!” Coomer pats Benrey’s shoulder before leaving the room, shutting the door quietly behind him. 

Why does everyone want to keep dropping bombs on him?!? 

He gives a muffled groan into his hands after setting the PSP down. Conflicting feelings bubbling up and making his insides twist around not unlike the Centipedes in his game. Sweet voice in a multitude of colors leaking from his lips as he thinks over their journey in Black Mesa...

* * *

Benrey first laid eyes on the grossly orange HEV suit before his eyes flicked upwards to catch the brilliant green that merely glanced at him. Curly brown hair held back in a ponytail that seemed to threaten to pop out of it. He merely wanted to chat, asking for a passport seemed pretty funny and he’d get the bonus of their name. But as this scientist only looked at him in confusion he decided he needed to annoy them. At least until he got their name. 

Following him around until he found out his name was Gordon Freeman. Gordon. What a coincidence... Not like there weren’t other Gordon’s around Black Mesa. He’d just never met this particular Gordon until today. This Gordon’s green, green eyes made his heart both flutter and hurt...

Then that whole Resonance Cascade shit happened of course. No fun. He’d at least protected Gordon from the worst of the damage ditching to go see if everyone around the area was okay. Spoiler alert: they were not. 

He tagged along with the group of scientists and bugged the crap out of Gordon. But making Gordon laugh was always nice. Gordon had a nice laugh, full of joy, especially when he had to support himself against the wall. Benrey tried for laughs more often than not. 

Tommy told him after the little Arm Prank humans don’t grow them back. Told Benrey to go ahead and let him talk to Gordon first. 

And then it wasn’t the same again... He made Gordon laugh a few times... But it’s not the same kind of laugh. Something about it is a little more on edge, nervous, sharp and pained. Benrey doesn’t like that laugh as much. And there’s an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach, something bad. 

And Xen... He doesn’t want to think about Xen...

* * *

Benrey sighs, rubbing his hands down his face, picking up the PSP half heartedly. Fiddling with the buttons but not actually playing the game still paused on screen.

He loved Gordy like family. 

But he loves Gordon Freeman...

No scratch that. Reverse that thought. Not real nope. Definitely not. 

Those two thoughts do not go together. Not to mention Gordon probably doesn’t like him like that. And maybe Gordon would hate him if he knew...

He can’t tell Gordon about this, or Tommy, and he needs Coomer to not share that with Bubby and also to tell him it’s not true. 

He’s just gotta be there for Gordy. Gordy needs big bro Benny’s help learning how to be Xenian again. No room for weird crushes that are totally fake and your imagination, Coomer. 

Gordon rolls away from him, finally freeing Benrey which he takes the opportunity immediately. Teleporting to the couch in the living room area. Tommy was in the kitchen working on making something for lunch. 

“Oh hey, Ben. Is mister F-Freman awake?” Tommy asks as he sets some plates out. 

“No- Nope. Feetman baby nap time.” Played that so cool Benrey, pogged it. Why is Tommy raising an eyebrow at him?

“Everything okay?” Hoo boy, Tommy, it is not but it’s going to be.

“Yeah fine. Totally chill bro.” Nonchalant shrug and eye roll combo should throw him off. 

“Benrey.” Shit. 

“Coomer said a dumb thing. Lies. Not true. Besides not time for that. Gotta- gotta make lesson plans for Xenian 101 and shit. Feetman gonna be so good at being an alien.”

“Benrey, why are you calling him ‘Feetman’? I thought you two were um... Good n-now?” Tommy’s frown deepens. 

“Gordy right, yeah, Xenian 101 shit. Anyway what’s for dinner?”

“Lunch. And I made some sandwiches. You’re still being w-weird about this.” 

“Tommy please, drop it please.” Benrey groans. 

“...Alright. Mind getting Joshua?” 

“Huh? Oh yeah, sure.” Benrey nods, shoving his hands in the hoodie pocket and heading to the kid’s room. 

Joshua was coloring something on a little craft table in the room. Benrey chuckles and knocks on the door. “Yo. Want some food kid?”

“Yes!” Joshua nods, putting the finishing touch on his drawing before capping the marker he was using. “I made this for you!” He grins, bringing over the picture for Benrey, waving it at him. 

“Aw sweet. Let’s see what we got here.” Benrey grins and takes the paper, blinking in surprise at it. 

“It’s you, me, and daddy!” Joshua grins up at him. The picture is crude but it certainly is the three of them, Gordon and Benrey standing behind Joshua, all looking very alien. Benrey’s mostly just eyes rather than the multiple arms, horns, and tails Gordon and Joshua have. 

“Heh, I love it kiddo. Let’s see if your dad will stick it on the fridge later.”

“Is he okay? He didn’t sound good earlier...” Joshua kicks at the carpet. 

“He uh... He needs some practice doing the whole changing thing is all kid.” Benrey rubs the back of his head. “Soon he’ll be a champ, gold cup Mario kart rainbow road. He’s just at bronze cup right now.”

“Can you teach him? And me?”

“Uh, yeah gonna be professor Benrey, Xenian 101 gonna be lit. Study hard lil bro.” He rambles, missing the starry look in Joshua’s eyes before his leg gets hugged tight. 

“Thanks, Uncle Benrey!” Joshua giggles before running off to go get food. Leaving Benrey to stare at his back.

“Un-uncle?” Benrey parrots, sweet voice like a purple bruise, very confused. He returns to the kitchen, somewhat dazed. Gordon has been woken up by Tommy and is at the table, giving Benrey a small wave, quirking an eyebrow at the paper Benrey’s holding. 

“What’s that?” Gordon asks, his voice a little raspy, eyes tired, but still trying to tease him a little. Joshua must have said something. 

“Oh uh, your kid drew me a picture. I think it should go on the fridge though.” Benrey says, showing it to Gordon who smiles. 

“Looks great Joshie! And I think it should go on the fridge too. Mind doing the honors Benrey?”

“Oh sure.” He nods, heading to the fridge and putting it up before taking a seat at the table. 

“Is Uncle Benrey staying with us daddy?” Joshua suddenly asks, causing both Gordon and Benrey to freeze. 

“W-well, actually Josh, daddy’s going to be looking for a new house soon. And Benrey is going to live with him.” Gordon manages to get out, remembering the deal he’d struck with Tommy’s dad. “So yeah, Benrey’s going to stay, but probably not for a bit.”

“He’s gotta though! He promised to teach you and me about being Zeeni-an.” Joshua pouts. 

“Xenian.” Benrey corrects, before blushing slightly. “And I did promise that, heh.” 

“I guess I don’t see why not...” Gordon grimaces as he shifts in place from the quiet cracks of his spine. “Probably would be for the better. But only if Benrey wants to, okay?” Joshua immediately looks at Benrey expectantly. 

“Huh? Oh uh... I can stay. It’s uh. Cool yeah.” Upside is more time with Gordon. But also more time to have weird feelings and stuff. 

This might be a bad idea.

Buuuuuut... He’s a champ at hiding stuff. Good at not sharing his thoughts. So it’ll be fine! Totally fine. 

Hopefully fine. 

Joshua has lit up and jumped into his lap hugging him tight while grinning widely. “Yay! Uncle Benrey’s staying!” 

Gordon just laughs and tells Joshua to finish his food. Tommy gives Benrey a look to say that they should talk after lunch. 

Benrey’s got this. Chill blue. All good. Gonna just be professor Benrey and maybe babysitter Benrey. But like all good. Can do. 

Gordon’s green eyes catch his yellow ones, making Gordon smile at him and pat his shoulder. Benrey’s heart flips in his chest. 

Okay so he might be a little fucked.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey is still sorting his brain out, Tommy attempts to help, and there's some pizza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That domestic fluff grabbed me and shook me and told me to write more. So here is a much larger chapter of that. A lot of dialogue lol

“Alright, we- we need to talk, Ben.” Tommy says as soon as Gordon heads off to play with Joshua. Benrey shuffles in place, some extra eyes appearing as he gets more nervous, none looking at Tommy. 

“Do we? I uhhhhh I don’t think there’s anything we need to chat about ya know-“

“Benrey, are you sure you’re okay with staying? Give- Given everything that’s happened the last three days? I’m- I’m just a little con-concerned, Ben...” Tommy looks at him with a serious expression, finally getting a few eyes to look in his direction. 

“It’s- Gordon’s kid wants me to stay and like- what if there’s an incident and Gordo needs me again? And your dad-“

“My dad made a deal with Gordon, yes. But he’ll understand if there’s a bit of a wait. Gordon has- has to get his stuff in order.” Tommy puts a hand on his shoulder. “And- and there've been non- non-stop crazy things Benrey. I don’t- I don’t think you should stay full time just- just yet.”

“Bro, it’ll be fine! I get you’re all worried. But I’ll be good.”

“Benrey... I think maybe you should take a d-day or two to de- decompress... Just so you are able to get your thoughts in- in order. We’ve helped Mis- Mister Freeman a lot the last couple days, it- it’s not like he doesn’t have my- my number and Doctor Coomer’s and Bubby’s, right?” Tommy pulls him into a hug. “Be- besides, you said D-Doctor Coomer said something to you?”

Benrey immediately stiffens, releasing some sweet voice in a veritable rainbow of color: Purple bruise for confused, cyan for someone’s lyin’, pink to blue is I love you but it’s followed by a sherbet orange color which Tommy has only seen in Gordon’s freckles, and black as pitch is ‘son of a bitch’. Benrey’s hand suddenly clamps over his mouth and mumbles something before running to the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it. 

“O-oh...” Tommy blinks. 

Gordon pokes his head out hearing the bathroom door shut so quickly. “Everything okay?”

“Yup! Everything is- is peachy keen like a- a summer dream!” Tommy smiles innocently. 

“Ooookay.” Gordon gives a small nod before heading back to pay attention to Joshua, letting 

Tommy breath a sigh of relief. 

He sits on the couch fiddling with his phone before realizing he should get Benrey one, distracting himself by trying to figure out which device to get for him. As he finishes placing the order Benrey comes back out, sitting on the couch beside him and staring at the currently shut off television set. 

“You okay?” Tommy asks softly after a few minutes of silence. 

“...Sorta? Umm... Maybe- maybe a day or two... Need to get some of my stuff from your place anyway ya know?” Benrey says still staring forward, all eyes trained ahead at the tv. 

“It’s okay Ben. I’m- I’m sure Mister Freeman will understand. A-and you’ll get to relax too! I-I have a present that should be arriving tomorrow for- for you!” Tommy smiles happily, finally getting Benrey to stop staring a hole in the tv set. 

“Yeah? What kind of present?”

“It- it’s a surprise!” Tommy grins. 

“Bro, now you gotta tell me.” Benrey gives a small snort. 

“You’ll like it! Promise!”

“Alright, alright. But... What’s Gordon gonna do while we’re not around? What if something happens again? He already freaked out once about being uh... Snatched by government types...”

“Well I- I think Mister Fr-Freeman knows that he’s still not great at controlling his switching yet. And it’s just a couple days at most. He- he’ll be okay being inside I think. And- and if he really needs something I’m sure he’ll reach out. He- he is an adult after- after all.”

“Right, yeah, you’re right.” Benrey runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Sorry...”

“For what?” Tommy tilts his head. 

“I just- It’s sorta weird right now? Like... I know he’s an adult and stuff, I know he can do things for himself, hell he lived on earth thinking he was human for 21 years. He’s way better at human-ing than both of us, not that you aren’t good at it, better than me for sure, but like... I keep like... Wanting to baby him? Not in a weird way? Just like-“

“I- I get it Ben.” Tommy gives a small chuckle. “The last t-time you were together on Xen he was all of six. So you- you sorta think about him from that time period?”

“Yeah... But like- like also not? It’s weird.” Benrey sighs and leans back on the couch closing his multiple eyes. 

Tommy pats his shoulder. “Like I-I said. A day or two is probably good. Sort your- your thoughts out. I’ll tell Mis-Mister Freeman if you want.”

“Mhmm. Please and thanks bro...” Benrey hums tiredly, kicking his feet against the carpet. They find themselves in a lull of conversation now, Benrey eventually pulling out the PSP again and playing with it while Tommy goes back to his phone.

Around thirty minutes later Gordon reappears, dragging a chair from the kitchen to the living room area, an incredibly short distance given the size of his apartment, since his couch was taken over with no other chairs in the room and parking it near Benrey’s side, putting his feet up on the edge of the couch. “Howdy.”

“Yo.” Benrey nods, but his focus is on his game now, switched over to play some Spyro which didn’t look as good as playing on an actual PS1. But he was immersed and that was the point, especially because he was not looking at Tommy or Gordon. 

“Hello, Mister Free- Freeman, are you feeling an- any better?” Tommy asks. 

“Still a bit sore, couldn’t keep sitting on the floor, was making my knees hurt. Feel like an old man.”

“Don’t let Coomer and Bubby hear you say that.” Benrey comments without looking up from his game.

Gordon snorts, “Believe me I wouldn’t dare say that in a fifty foot radius of them. Both can and would kick my ass.”

“Well I’m glad it’s getting better!” Tommy smiles, “Do you need anything?”

“Nah, just wanted to see what you two were up to. I know Coomer and Bubby left to head home but wanted to see what your guys’ plans were. Happy to have you stay for dinner, was planning on making pizza.”

“Dominos or Papa John’s?” Benrey asks. 

“Neither. It’s going to be homemade.” Gordon chuckles. “Gonna make the dough in twenty minutes so it can be ready at a reasonable time.” 

“We- well actually we were talking about heading out, Benrey’s pretty tired...” Tommy rubs the back of his head, glancing at Benrey. 

“Oh, you sure? I thought after we chatted at lunch- I mean no pressure at all,” Gordon’s hands wave as he speaks trying to assure them there’s nothing holding them back if they do want to head out, “Happy to have you stay or head out, can be after dinner too. Or before. No problems and stuff. Totally good. Whatever you two want to do.” Gordon’s in full ramble mode making Benrey glance up at him before looking over at Tommy with one eye. 

“We- well... Up to you Benrey.” Tommy sighs not wanting to make the decision. 

“I uh. I guess it’s chill until dinner...” Benrey says carefully, shooting a small glare at Tommy with the one eye that’s on him for making him decide.

“Great! I’ll go get started on the dough, so it’s for sure ready.” Benrey looks at Gordon who’s smile is incredibly warm and bright before hopping off of the chair. 

His heart needs to stop doing that stupid flippy thing right now. Tommy gives him a look that says he’s able to hear the erratic pattern in his chest. Stupid heart beat, stupid super hearing, stupid Benrey for agreeing to stay longer because he could hear the underlying pout from Gordon about them leaving.

“Don’t use your hearing bro.” Benrey hiss under his breath. 

“I have ears, Ben, I am just using them.” Tommy’s look of knowing something’s up intensifies as he whispers back. 

“Then uh, shut them off? Off please?” 

“Benrey.” Fuck he’s in for another talk when they get back to Tommy’s place. Or worse in the car. Tommy is too much of a mother bird creature thing... Hen that’s the word. Too much of a mother hen sometimes. 

“Shush.” He grumbles, focusing back on his game as Gordon rummages around the small kitchen. 

“The one thing I’m looking forward to about house hunting is a bigger kitchen.” Gordon suddenly speaks up trying to draw them both into conversation with him. “I figured I’d be fine with a small one since it’s usually just me and Joshie when he’s over, but definitely want a bigger one now. Especially since you’re moving in Benrey and we’re all probably going to get together pretty frequently.”

“I’m sure my dad will help find one that can give you the space you need!” Tommy chuckles, letting Gordon distract him from Benrey who’s got the smallest bit of blue blush creeping to his cheeks and is looking ready to punch him. 

“Definitely a good sized one would be great, larger dining room, a living room that’s actually big enough to hold more than two people.” Gordon snorts as he gets the flour and yeast out. “And an actual pantry! Real storage!” He laughs. 

“And more of an entry way than what you have, maybe a hall closet?” Tommy grins at Gordon’s rambling. It was pretty funny listening to an honestly mundane topic after everything that’d been going on with them. 

“Oh my god a hall closet would be lovely.” Gordon groans as he pulls out his mixer and dumps the ingredients in. “And at least two guest rooms, I want to be able to celebrate the holidays with you all!” Gordon grins widely as he moves around the kitchen before turning the mixer on, he ends up talking over it. “Do you celebrate anything? I know that’s sort of a really human thing given the whole religious context around them.”

“I like the tradition of getting together and sharing gifts!” Tommy grins and speaks over the mixer as well. “I don’t do it for the religion stuff though. I- I like it for the friends and- and family part!”

“Totally fair! My parents never really cared too much for the religious aspect,” the mixer gets shut off allowing them to return to normal volume, “I mean I know about it but we’ve never super cared.” He chuckles. “Benrey you’ve celebrated holidays before yeah?”

“Huh? Yeah done the whole holiday thing, it’s cool.” Benrey shrugs, he’d been trying to focus on the level of Spyro he was on and not the noise of the mixer. That thing was way too loud. He catches Tommy texting something to probably his dad. 

“Right, cool.” Gordon chuckles, cleaning up and leaving the dough to rise. “About an hour and we can make some ‘zuh.” He says as he comes back over. 

“Sweet.” Benrey simply nods, hoping the process won’t be as loud as the mixer was. 

“So you’ve been on Earth for three years? That’s what Tommy said.” Gordon frowns a little that he’s not getting Benrey to engage with him. 

“Yup.” He pops the ‘p’ trying to finish the level he’s on. 

“Sooooo...?” Gordon tries to get Benrey to expand on that thought. 

“It’s neat?” Benrey glances up very briefly before working on collecting the gems. Gordon lets out a huff of air and gives up, going back to Tommy and talking about various things until a timer goes off and he gets up to heat the oven and roll out the dough. 

Tommy gives Benrey a small glare and tilts his head towards the kitchen. Not getting a reaction he lightly kicks at Benrey’s shin getting an offended look from the Xen native. “Go ask if you can help out!” Tommy hisses. 

“What? Why?” He frowns, finally pausing the game. 

“Gordon has been looking like a kicked p-puppy! Why are you ignoring him af-after agreeing to stay through dinner?”

“It- it’s- ugh fine.” Benrey huffs and hops up, putting the PSP away and heading over to the kitchen. “Yo. Need help?” Benrey asks, looking at the toppings Gordon got out. 

“Soon! Just need to finish rolling out the dough, made extra so we can have two pizzas, Joshie only likes cheese, and I wasn’t sure what you guys wanted. I usually add some onion and pepperoni.” Gordon tells him as he lays the dough out on a pizza tray and starts adding the sauce, the other pizza pan laid out with dough waiting for the sauce layer as well. 

“I just like cheese and pepperoni!” Tommy calls out from the couch. 

“Uh, onions and pepperoni sounds good to me.” Benrey shrugs. 

“Cool I’ll do a half cheese half pep and whole pepperoni and onion.” Gordon nods. “Want to help spread some cheese out?” He looks to Benrey, accidentally wiping some sauce on his cheek as he pulls a strand of hair away from his face. 

“Yeah sure, just don’t go saucing your hair bro.” Benrey snorts. 

“Huh?” Gordon blinks. 

“You got sauce on your cheek bro.” Benrey rolls his eyes, swiping it off, not catching Gordon’s blush from the action as he washes off his hands. Tommy stares at the both of them and shakes his head, neither Xenian catching the action.

“Oh uh thanks?” Gordon blinks and tries to focus on putting the sauce on the other pizza. “Go- go uh light on the cheese okay? Mozzarella first then the cheddar.” Gordon waves vaguely at the two bags of shredded cheese on the counter. 

“No prob. Gonna cheese these pizza’s awesomely.” Benrey grins before spreading the cheese out. “This look right?” Benrey asks after adding the cheese. 

“Mmmm... Little more.” Gordon reaches over Benrey and adds a little more of the mozzarella to the edge of the first pizza. “There we go. Mind doing the other one up while I add the pepperoni?” 

“Sure.” Benrey nods, catching sight of another smear of sauce on Gordon’s cheek as he switches the pizza that Benrey’s working on. “Bro, you’re so messy.” He snorts as he wipes Gordon’s cheek off again and washes, missing how flustered Gordon gets once again.

“Whoops, I always manage to get some on me, heh.” Gordon coughs out, shaking his head before trying to focus on the pizza again. “Hair tie not doing its job.”

“Could get a hat bro.” Benrey shrugs, adding the same amount of cheese that Gordon had done. 

“Hah, hats don’t work great for me. Hair always ends up being a mess.” Gordon snorts. 

“Have you tried hairbands?” Tommy asks, moving to the table to be a little closer to them. 

“No, they were always a little too... Pink.” Gordon wrinkles his nose, “Plus uh... Got teased when I tried one that was a more plain color back in middle school... Cut my hair really short after that.” Gordon huffs, shaking his head. 

“School bullies don’t know what they’re talking about, your hair’s nice.” Benrey grumbles, watching Gordon come over to the other pizza and throw some pepperoni and pre-sliced onion down before throwing both in the oven and setting a timer. 

“Heh they sure didn’t.” Gordon snorts, “I didn’t start growing it out again until college, new town and stuff, so nobody could judge.”

“That’s pretty fair. But I think a hairband would look nice!” Tommy smiles. “Like those, those fabric ones that go all the way around!”

“Maybe. Have to uh... Order those online though.” Gordon scratches at his beard with a small sigh. 

“Can pick you up some? If you want ‘em?” Benrey offers, taking a seat near Tommy as Gordon picks up before pulling out a cutting board. 

“Don’t feel you have to go out of the way to get them.” Gordon chuckles, “I’m not sure on them just yet. Thanks though.”

“Chill.” Benrey nods. 

They talk a while longer until the timer goes off and Joshua pops out of his room as Gordon pulls out the pizzas. Dinner is pleasant, Gordon laughing and talking happily with the two of them as they eat, but eventually they wrap up the meal. 

“Have a safe drive and good night guys.” Gordon smiles, not quite meeting his eyes, but trying to not let them be held back by him. 

“Will do! You have a good night too, Mis- Mister Freeman!” Tommy smiles. 

“See ya in a couple days.” Benrey nods. 

“See you soon, Uncle Benny! Oh wait!” Joshua runs off and grabs the picture off the fridge and runs back over, “Take this with you!” 

“Don’t you wanna keep it up kid?” Benrey raises an eyebrow.

“I drew it for you! You should take it!” Joshua smiles before yawning causing Gordon to chuckle and pick him up. 

“You’re not going to be allowed to leave it.” He grins as they step through the doorway.

“Alright, alright.” Benrey concedes the fight he was probably going to lose if he entered it and follows Tommy out. “Be good for your dad, kid!” He waves before leaving the father and son. He and Tommy are both very quiet as they head out to Tommy’s car and get into it. Benrey sinks in the passenger seat, staring at the picture in his hands. Caught up in his thoughts so much that Tommy gives up attempting to get his attention and drives them back to his house in silence. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a sleepless night... Lots of thoughts running through the mind. Good and bad. It would be great if their brain would shut up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some brief transformation body horror and vomiting being mentioned in the paragraph starting with “…He is… He’s a friend…”
> 
> ————
> 
> After all that fluff I had to go back to some angst y’all

Gordon stares at the ceiling, wishing his mind would stop the spiral of thoughts it was on, each thought leading to some sort of horrible conclusion or jumping to something even worse. He’d been a little on edge after Benrey and Tommy had left the apartment, worries starting to creep into his mind. He’d been good at ignoring them until he put Joshua to bed, but now left alone he could only nervously fidget with his blanket as he willed his brain to just shut up. 

_What if I get spotted through the blinds, how soon would there be police banging on the door? What if someone delivers something and both myself and Joshua are transformed? What would they think? What would I even be able to do? Could I stop someone taking a picture in time? What if I go back to Xen on accident though? What if I accidentally bring Joshua with me? What if I lose control of myself in Xen again? I mean Joshua’s half human, so Xen would probably get angry…_

_Oh god what if I hurt Joshua?_

His throat constricts at that thought, choking back a sob as he scrubs at his eyes while sitting up. As he pulls his hand away he catches a faint green glow on his skin so either his eyes changed or his freckles are back. His breathing starting to become a bit more uneven as he presses his palms into his eyes. 

_Great. Fucking great. Back to alien things already._

He tries to focus on breathing, trying to do that in 3 - hold 1- out 7 breathing pattern to at least get himself reasonably calmed down again, and while it helps the thoughts he has have started to turn into a static of panic for his and his son’s safety, each thought competing for dominance. He just needs silence, he just needs his brain to **stop**. 

_Maybe I should call Tommy and see if he and Benrey can come back…_

_Ugh no I can’t do that… They went back to Tommy’s house for a reason. I’m not going to interrupt them relaxing…_

_It’s my fault anyway… I stressed them out with all this stuff… Panicking… Just a nuisance that can’t get his act together…_

  
  


“Ugh not helpful, Gordon.” He hisses to himself quietly, “Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. You need to stop it.” He ends on a quiet growl, shoving his glasses on his face and getting out of his bed to pace a little bit around his room, trying to make sure he’s not stomping so the tenant below won’t file any kind of noise complaint on him in the morning. 

“You just have to think of positive things. Just try and list- list five good things.” Gordon says to himself, scratching at his beard. “Five good things... Good things...”

“One: You aren’t trapped in Black Mesa, you’re safe in your apartment, Joshua’s with you.” He runs a hand through his loose hair, detangling a knot as he keeps moving. “Lets see... Two... Two: You are going to get a house soon! A real one. Big, lots of room, backyard and everything. You still have to go house hunting but yeah, house. House is good.”

He drags his hands down his face as he tries to think of a third item, pacing slowing only slightly. “Three... Threeeeee... Three? Three... Three: You got your memories back! Yeah! Turns out you didn’t have shitty parents that abandoned you. You’re just actually an alien that can look human... And have for twenty one years. And I guess good thing four: You reconnected with your... Friend? Protector? Brother? Ugh... You reconnected with Benrey, who was important to you... Still is? I- I don’t know... I...”

He loses steam, stopping his pacing and any other movement as he thought on that point more, good thing count entirely abandoned. “I mean... I guess Benrey was sort of my brother? But we don’t look alike or present the same powers... I certainly don’t have sweet voice... Feel like that would have shown up by now. But… I don’t… Think of him like that?” Gordon frowns at that statement, sitting at the end of his bed. “I don’t think of Benrey as a brother… So what do I think of him as?” He scratches at his head, trying to sort out this new thought. 

“…He is… He’s a friend… Friend from when I was a kid, when I was six… But… I lived twenty one years without memory of him so… Is he my friend? Not- Not to mention Black Mesa…” His left hand goes to wring the skin on his arm where it had been separated from him. His mind reminding him of the pool of blood that he’d woken up to in the trash compactor, he gags on the acrid scent of copper suddenly filling his nose and runs to the bathroom, flipping the toilet seat up with one hand as his other hand goes to hold back his hair. Something in his spine shoots a wave of pain through him, and along his sides, vaguely recalling that’s the same feeling he got when his four other arms grew in, it was duller, but not by much, still felt like he was being ripped apart but he manages not to cry this time at least. His stomach suddenly lurches causing him to retch in the toilet, emptying the contents of his stomach, bottom hands clutching the fabric of his pants while the middle two support him on the toilet rim, top two continuing to hold the seat up and his hair back. 

“Thankfully I decided not to wear a shirt to bed… Figured I’d change in my sleep...” He mumbles before spitting into the toilet bowl and flushing it with his middle hand. His knees and shins were hurting, along with his sides and spine, but he pushed himself off the floor with a grunt of pain, using the lower hands that had been clutching his pants to support himself on the wall before moving to go wash up and rinse his mouth out with water. Heading back into his room he glances at the clock finding it’s now the wonderful time of 3:18 AM. 

“…No rest for the wicked huh…” He sighs, snatching his phone up and heading to the kitchen after avoiding the door frame just barely ( _wait... he was compensating for the horns he doesn’t have right now_ ), to pull out some Altoids to focus on a different taste, fiddling with a spider solitaire game on the couch with the little tin in his lap as he laid out on the couch, which is rather uncomfortable when you go from being a 6’ 1” man to a 7’ 1” ( _7’ 6” with horns probably_ ) partial alien with six arms that have to find reasonably comfortable positions. 

_Note to self buy a new couch for the new house, this one sucks._

He winces as he shifts his arms, “I can’t fucking wait for this to stop hurting so much…” 

XXXXXXXXXX

“Daddy? Why are you asleep on the couch?” He feels Joshua poke at his cheek. 

“Mmm? Daddy didn’t have a good night…” 

“Brain too loud?” Is the soft, very familiar question that they have both asked each other plenty of times. Kind of happens when you have ADHD, your kid gets it too, and sometimes you both have brain too loud nights. At least you can slowly fall asleep together again when that happens. 

“Yeah, brain was too loud, Joshie…” He yawns, blearily blinking a few times before checking his phone that’d ended up on his chest, having passed out between rounds of solitaire. He ends up having to look at it again, not really connecting what time he saw to a conscious thought, finally getting it to stick that it was 8:30 AM… On Monday… “Oh crap you have school in half an hour!” Gordon springs up on his feet, ignoring the screaming of his muscles as he rushes to the kitchen to start prepping breakfast and making Joshua a lunch. 

“Dad? No- Dad!” 

Joshua tugs on his pant leg, making Gordon grimace as he feels it rub against his scales it is a really unpleasant feeling. ( _That’s such a weird thought, but also it’s not? God his head is messed up from getting his memories back…_ ) He turns to Joshua. “Huh? Bud I gotta make breakfast and your lunch.” Gordon frowns. 

“No school this week! It’s spring break. I have the week off! No school!” Joshua shakes his head. 

“Is it?” Gordon runs a hand down his face, opening his phone to check his calendar in another while two sit on his hips and the last two hold a pan and spatula in his haste to prep for making omelets. His calendar finally pulled up shows that indeed, Joshua had spring break for the next week from school. “Oh thank god.” Gordon sighs, free top hand running through his hair as he lets out a tired chuckle. “Sorry bud. Between your mom dropping you off in a rush and everything else it has scattered daddy’s brain.” He sighs as he pulls Joshua up into a hug, in his top hands while the other four get to work on the omelets, “Still gonna make us breakfast though, since I’m definitely awake now.” He snorts. 

“It’s okay daddy. I love you.” Joshua giggles as he hugs him back, effortlessly switching to have four arms and no other alien features. 

“I love you too Joshie. You’re gonna have to teach daddy how you do that so easily.” Gordon snorts, cracking the eggs and putting them in a bowl with some milk before beating them with a fork. “Daddy kinda sucks at things right now…” He sighs, thinking over the last couple days and all the pain of the transformations, back, arms, and legs reminding him about the pain they’re in. He reaches and gets a cup from the cupboard and the pain medication from the cabinet over the sink. 

“Do you hurt?” Joshua asks, a faint bit of concern in his voice. Gordon gets nervous and nearly fails at swallowing the medication down before answering his son. 

“I- Josh- Okay, yes. I do hurt. A bit. Enough to take medication. But it’s not that bad.” Gordon says trying to keep Joshua from worrying too much. “I’m okay, promise.” 

“…Alright, daddy.” Joshua hums, leaning back into him as Gordon moves to get the fillings for their omelets, just some cheese and ham thrown in the middle. It’s a few more minutes but eventually their breakfast is complete, Gordon quickly putting everything on plates and setting Joshua down so he can climb into his own chair before sitting in his. They both eat in silence for a little bit until something occurs to Gordon.

“I can’t believe I didn’t drop anything, I almost always drop something when I scramble in the kitchen like that.” He voices, glancing at the surprisingly clean kitchen. Normally he’d have to pick up a dropped spatula or clean up an egg he dropped. 

“Maybe more arms means you’re better in the kitchen?” Joshua giggles making Gordon playfully scowls at him and ruffle his hair. 

“Rude, you goofball. But you might be right.” He laughs. 

“I am.” Joshua laughs, “Can we go to the park today dad?” He asks. 

“…I dunno kiddo… I’d have to get rid of these.” He waves his extra arms a little. “And I dunno if they’re going to go away that easy. How about we for sure go out later this week, once Benrey has done some teaching for us…” He sigs and leans back in his chair, running a hand through his hair while another taps its fingers against his thigh. 

“When is he coming back? Is he coming back today?” Joshua asks seeing that his dad is a little stressed about that idea, but also he still wants to go to the park, if Benrey could teach them then the park could still happen right? 

“I dunno, either tomorrow or Wednesday, buddy.” Gordon gives a soft sigh, “It’s just going to be you and me unless something comes up. Sorry kiddo, I’d take you to the park if we could ensure it was safe for the both of us…” 

“Why wouldn’t it be safe for you?” Joshua frowns, not quite getting it. 

“You know how you don’t like the doctor’s office very much?” Gordon gives a small sigh, pulling Joshua into his lap. 

“Yeah. It smells all chem- chemical-y and it’s kinda scary when they call your name…” Joshua rubs his upper arm looking a bit disgruntled from thinking about the doctor’s office. 

“Yeah buddy… Well… There’s people out there that would want to take us to a not so nice doctor’s office if they saw us looking like this… And I don’t want that to happen. And I won’t let it happen to you or me, I promise.” He does his best to reassure that the worst case scenario would not happen to them both even if it is still an icy fear that claws at his heart and mind. “So that’s why it wouldn’t be safe… It will be when we have more practice, but not right now kiddo.” He sighs pressing his face into Joshua’s hair as he hugs him tight. “It’s just gonna be an inside day for today.” 

“…Okay, daddy.” Joshua nods and hugs him back. 

* * *

Benrey had been staring at the ceiling of the guest room Tommy let him have since they got back to his house hours ago. Partially out of wanting to avoid Tommy talking to him about anything. But also to collect himself after all the emotional chaos from the past few days. Tommy had been right, it had really gotten to him after finding Gordon looking more like Gordy with every transformation, fighting Gordon on Xen, finding out he actually was Gordy, and just dealing with the conflicting feelings that burn the back of his throat with the sweet voice. 

He sighs curling up in the blanket trying to will his mind to shut off for a bit. Not think about things both good and bad. Just try and sleep. 

He’s still awake an hour later, throwing an arm over his face with a groan. All he can think about is Gordon. Gordon, Gordon, Gordon. Nothing but Gordon. 

Happy Gordon, laughing at a bad joke he made while they were walking through the office buildings, thumping his tail as he passed the fruit he likes so much over, smiling tiredly at him after helping him through transforming back. Sad Gordon, crying after that awful peeper puppy bit two of his hands off and would continue to cry until they were fully regrown, crying in what he probably had thought was private from the stress of the journey through Black Mesa wondering if he’ll see his son again, in hysterics seeing Benrey again for the first time after his arm is cut off. Angry Gordon, shouting at him as the fight on Xen, hissing at a headcrab trying to steal his food, snarling as the soldiers beat him up before his arm is taken. 

...And there’s Gordon when he tells Benrey he loves him... 

It’s always soft, the way he says it. When he was tired after running around on Xen, carried back to their home in his arms. The roll of his green eyes when Benrey playfully said ‘You know you love me’ only to get a ‘Sure, I love you’ back (even if it was followed by ‘When you’re quiet’ as he walks ahead leaving Benrey to blink before running to catch up). And maybe it hasn’t been outright said for a while, but he’s seen it, seen it in the pink to blue freckles on Xen, the soft pink as he ran his hand through Gordon’s hair, the look in his eyes when Joshua hugged him. 

Pink overwhelms him and he lets it out, filling the room with a soft glow from the strawberry cream sweet voice. 

He just loves Gordon like a brother. He loves him and wants to protect him. It’s not anything else. It can’t be. It’s not allowed to be. Gordon’s already got a lot on his plate. So Benrey can’t do this. And if Gordon doesn’t like him in any other way than sibling sort of love at most he is okay with that. He has to be. 

With a tired sigh he pulls out his PSP, “So much for sleeping...” he grumbles, booting Spyro back up to work on 100% completing the game. 

XXXXXXXXXX

Benrey wakes up to the weight of something being removed from his chest and the Spyro menu music coming to an end after playing on loop for however long since he fell asleep was before a new weight is placed on his chest. 

“Huh?” Benrey groans. He doesn’t even remember falling asleep. 

“Good morning, B-Benrey!” Tommy’s voice greets cheerfully. 

“Morning Tommy... What’s this?” He mumbles, still waking up, eyes blearily focusing on the box that’s wrapped up in colorful paper on his chest. 

“It’s that- that surprise I was talking about! It’s for you! Open it up!” Tommy laughs. That certainly does wake him up more, sitting up and opening it relatively quickly. 

“Oh sick! A phone! Bro, you didn’t have to.” Benrey blinks at the iPhone box and chill out blue colored phone case that had been stacked underneath.

“I did! I fig-figured you should probably have a phone.” Tommy chuckles. “I did set it all up but you can learn all of the customization stuff and change it up. Plus put the case on. I wanted to make sure that was an okay color though.”

“Tommy, bro, it’s most excellent.” Benrey snorts, pulling the phone out and slipping the case on. “Perfect fit.”

“I’m glad you like it! Everyone’s numbers are already in. Just make- make sure if you message them you say it- it’s you!” Tommy smiles. “A-and I wanted to- to ask if you wanted to go to the store with- with me later? I was going to pick up- up some groceries and some dog food for Sunkist.”

That would be a good opportunity to get one of those hairband thingies Gordon was talking about yesterday...

“Yeah bro, I’m game.” He nods. 

“Awesome! We- we can leave a bit after lunch for the store okay? So morning is relax time! I’ve already eat- eaten so feel free to help yourself to breakfast. I’m going to take Sunkist for a walk.” Tommy says, letting Benrey be to mess with the new phone. 

“Sounds good, bro.” Benrey nods before getting out of his bed officially. Getting ready for the day and eating something before flopping down on the couch, pulling out the new phone. 

“...” He stares at the contacts list before tapping one of the names, going to text the contact. 

_Hey bro, Tommy gave Benny boi a phone!_


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, just some more domestic stuff.

Gordon had been working on cleaning up around the apartment before sitting down with a laptop that should be on its last legs and replaced but he’d not gotten around to it yet to start looking at houses. The house needed to have at least four bedrooms plus the master bedroom, a big kitchen with a nice island in the center, and a backyard that was large but didn’t require tons of maintenance. Oh and it needed to be still in a 20 minute range to Joshua’s school, that was super important, the apartment was only a 5 minute walk to the school, which while 20 minutes was a lot longer of a distance it was still easy to get to in a rush. 

“Alright let’s see what’s on the market...” Gordon mumbles to himself, not hearing his phone vibrate against the couch cushion it was resting on. He spends the next two hours browsing and bookmarking home listings before Joshua snaps him out of his focus for lunch. 

“Whoops, sorry kiddo, shoulda put an alarm on.” He stretches his spine out grunting at the various cracking and popping noises and the dull throb of pain he’s still feeling. 

“What’s for lunch?” Joshua asks.

“Grilled cheese?” 

“Grilled cheese!” Joshua nods with a smile. 

“Alright, grilled cheese coming up!” Gordon chuckles and heads to the stove to whip up lunch. Once done he put the laptop back in his room and settles down at the table to eat with Joshua. 

“Daddy, are you gonna try to go back to normal after lunch?” Joshua blinks up at him. 

“Uhhhhh...” Gordon freezes up at that, “W-well... No... Pr-probably not...”

“Why?”

“...It um... It really hurts, Joshie...” He sighs tiredly, muscles deciding to hurt just a bit more as he thinks about it. “So... Probably not gonna try today...” 

“Okay.” Joshua nods with a small frown but seems satisfied by the answer. 

Gordon sighs and runs a hand through his hair, fingers ending up brushing against the newer scar in his hairline making him shiver slightly. “Hey how about we play some games for a while okay? Or do you wanna help me look for a house?” He offers.

“Mmmm… I wanna look at houses! But then play games.” Joshua says after a moment. 

“Alright, how about we put on a timer for an hour and then decide if we want to continue.” Gordon chuckles, cleaning up after their lunch before grabbing his laptop and then phone off the couch. When he settles back at the table he opens his laptop back up and goes to his phone to set the timer, surprised to see the message. 

_Hey bro, Tommy gave Benny boi a phone!_

“Oh shoot, Benrey got a phone from Tommy!” Gordon blinks in surprise. “Dang it, he sent that three hours ago…” He bites his lip feeling a little anxious on whether or not to respond before biting the bullet and doing it anyway.   
  


* * *

Benrey was more disappointed he didn’t get an immediate response back than he thought he’d be. Eventually messaging Coomer and Bubby to let them know of his new phone, immediately sending them terrible memes with ‘new phone who dis’ in them. As time ticks on Tommy eventually pulls him off the couch and they head off to the store, Sunkist now sporting her Service Dog vest. 

The trip over to the store doesn’t take too long in Tommy’s car. A well loved sedan style car in bright yellow. A very Tommy vehicle Benrey thinks. 

They wander in an amicable silence to wander the aisles before Tommy speaks up. “So… You’ve been kinda pouty? What’s up?”

“Pouty? Me? Pouty? Bro, you wound me.” Benrey chuckles, wondering where this is supposed to be going. “Just been chillin’. Chill time for Benrey.” 

“We-well, you were constantly checking your phone for a while. A-and I’m just checking on you cause the last couple days have been crazy.”

“Well, Gordon hasn’t answered yet, but I assume he’s just been busy with his kid ya know?” He shrugs his shoulders, “Don’t get why that makes me seem ‘pouty’ though?”

“Ah. Just seemed it!” Tommy chuckles. 

“Oh hey, this aisle please, please and thanks.” Benrey points to the hair accessories. 

“Need some hair ties?” Tommy asks, but when Benrey turns to face him he finds a knowing grin plastered to his face. 

“What?” Time to play dumb.

“Hair ties, hair bands, scrunchies…” Tommy waves his hand in a small circle, grin breaking out into a wide smile. 

“Oh you shut up.” Benrey groans. “Just ‘cause Gordon mentioned ‘em doesn’t mean anything!”

“Suuuure.” Tommy draws it out, looking at the shelf to find some not so feminine colors. 

“Besides, he’s gotta need more of them too.” Benrey defends, “And these are fun colors.” Benrey holds up a rainbow pack of scrunchies. 

“They are fun colors.” Tommy giggles, making Benrey shove at him. “And these headbands probably are gonna be the most comfortable, if you wanna get these for him too.” Tommy pulls some stretchy fabric ones down in some neutral colors. 

“Bro no, gotta go with those ones.” Benrey grins pulling the package behind the one Tommy was holding down. The triple pack had a bright orange, a neon green, and a chill out blue in it making Benrey grin. “Perfect.”

“Alright, anything else.” Tommy snickers. 

“Yeah you putting a cork on laughin’.” Benrey deadpans making Tommy burst out laughing and pushing the cart forward. Benrey following just behind when he feels his phone vibrate. He pulls it out expecting a cursed image from Coomer but his eyes widen seeing it’s Gordon finally responding. 

_Hey! Sorry, got focused on house hunting and didn’t hear my phone._

_That’s really kind of Tommy!_

_How are you doing?_

**_Figured you were busy lol._ **

**_Hope whatever place ya pick is cool and stuff._ **

**_Was a big bro move from him lmao_ **

He bites his lip before adding onto the message.

**_Good, kinda tired, stayed up playing too much Spyro._ **

Benrey quickly catches up to Tommy, surprised by the vibration signaling a message back. 

_Lol you were quite invested in that game. 100% it yet?_

_And I’m just starting on the house hunting, figured I’d get some choices for us to look through._

**_Nah bro, still going on it.  
Us? Thought that was a you thing lol_ **

_Me, you, and Joshie! Duh. You’re gonna live there too. Plus I wanna make sure whatever place we go with has enough space for Coomer, Bubbles, and Tommy to stay over too._

_Oh that reminds me has Tommy said anything about Darnold? I haven’t seen him since the party._

_Though that might just be me dealing with uh… My own ‘stuff’_

Benrey feels a small blush creep up from Gordon specifically wanting Benrey’s input on the house but snorts at the quick change of topics. He taps Tommy’s shoulder. “Gordon’s askin’ if you heard anything about Darnold lately?”

“What? Oh did Mist- Mister Freeman finally text back?” Tommy asks. “Darnold’s doing alright! We traded numbers and he messages me ever- every so often. He’s still working on the Evil flavor.” Tommy laughs. 

“Yeah? I wanna taste test it too.” Benrey grins. 

“I’ll see if he’ll invite you once he’s got it.” Tommy smiles. 

“Sweet.” Benrey grins, fingers tapping a response out. 

**_Sweet, have to make sure we can make a gamer space ;)_ **

**_D-man’s doing good. Still sciencing Evil Powerade._ **

**_And stuff happens bro, not your fault._ **

* * *

_Yeah, yeah we’ll find a good media room lol_

_Good to hear he’s doing well_

_Eh, 50/50 my fault lol_

Gordon shakes his head with a small smile. 

_Bro not your fault, say it again and you don’t get ur surprise_

“Surprise?” Gordon raises an eyebrow. 

“Daddy? Are we looking at houses?

“Oh right! Sorry Joshie, got distracted.” Gordon sets up their timer, message forgotten once the notification icon was cleared away. House hunting back in full swing with Joshua commenting on places he pulls up, making Gordon laugh. 

The timer going off startles them both but they set another one for another hour, Joshua having fun listening to Gordon and watching him point out where the different houses are on the map and how far away they are from his apartment. The second timer expires and they shut down, having found a few houses to look into with Benrey when he’s back over. Putting on a movie for Joshua, Gordon ends up falling asleep at some point in the middle of it, exhausted from the little sleep he’d been getting catching up to him. Sleeping through the quiet vibration of his phone against his chest. 

_Yo, going to be coming back in the afternoon tomorrow._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be more interesting lol, just needed to get this one out of the way.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What’s new pussy cat~

Dinner had been finished up and a few short messages sent to Benrey after seeing he was returning to Gordon’s apartment tomorrow afternoon before Gordon had set about picking up a bit while Joshua was playing in his room. There was one thing that was bothering him though. Gordon, to his annoyance, could not figure out where Benrey was going to sleep. Not that he couldn’t offer his own bed up again he just didn’t want to weird Benrey out. And after his own recent couch experience he couldn’t believe Tommy had been okay sleeping on the thing when they were over. The only other room he had was an office but of course there is no bed in there. Not to mention he can’t exactly go shopping for an air mattress at the moment with the six arms he’s sporting right now, and his tail which was relegated to his lower set of hands for the time being where his fingers were fiddling with the tuft of hair at the end. The tail had come back at some point during Joshie’s movie and it had been great trying to not swing it into things, lots of fun almost smacking his mug of tea off the table after dinner. At least one ceramic catastrophe had been avoided, though he was sure he’d end up knocking some other mug over later given his luck.

What was he thinking about again? Oh right no air mattress… Can’t go shopping with six arms and a tail. Probably- no definitely -should avoid deliveries too… He could call Coomer and Bubby? They could pick one up for him, right? But he also doesn’t want to be annoying to them, he’s asked a lot of the science team the last couple days. Having them watch over Joshua while he was not quite in a state to really handle Joshua himself, not to mention just generally coming to help. He needs to make sure they get something nice after things calm down (though the question of if things will ever calm down crosses his mind). As he’s thinking over things he ends up wandering into his bedroom, letting go of his tail. 

“Ughhhhhh…” Gordon flops onto the end of his bed with a deep sigh. “I wish we already had the house and beds and shit.” He grumbles, face pressed into the blankets. “I just don’t want to bother the others with my… Well alien-ness for starters but also just being so needy right now... If I could just get an air mattress without anyone’s help there wouldn’t be any issues.” He sighs, rolling onto his back and pulling off his glasses, folding them up and letting them rest on his chest. “I need help but like there’s a limit to how much help I should be asking for, right? I can’t be bothering everyone over every little thing…” 

_ Meow. _

Gordon’s ear twitches, head popping up from the blankets in confusion as he slips his glasses back on only to turn and find a pair of luminous slit green eyes like his own staring back at him. Jumping back, freckles a startled green tea as his anxiety spikes up, he manages to get a better look at the creature in front of him. 

A black cat was sitting by where his head had been, nothing about it seemed strange besides the glow the eyes had, and for whatever reason Gordon felt like the cat belonged there, which was odd because he didn’t have a cat and the apartment complex didn’t allow pets. Which was something to look forward to when he bought the house, actually being able to consider owning a pet. He shakes his head to bring himself back into focus. “Where did you come from? How did you even get in here?” Gordon frowns trying to figure out where the cat could have entered his room from. His windows weren’t open and both Gordon and Joshua hadn’t opened up the front door. 

The cat chirps before it pads over to him, blinking slowly at him which makes something in Gordon immediately pick the cat up and hold it to his chest. The cat is quick to begin purring, as does Gordon which when he catches himself doing so his cheeks darken but he doesn’t stop. 

“Alright cutie, seriously where did you come from?” Gordon laughs softly after a moment, “Pets aren’t allowed here, apartment rules, even if you are adorable.” He scratches under the cat’s chin causing it to rub its head into his hand and against his chest. Gordon’s heart melts watching the cat be just generally adorable but he tries to steel himself for when inevitably he has to put it out the door… 

_ Which he can’t do because he has six arms and a tail right now, sooo there goes that plan. _

The sound of a portal opening up draws his attention and pulls him out of trying to figure out how to get the cat out without alerting Joshua to its presence as well as his neighbors or anyone else to him being alien. He blinks in surprise as a little green portal, no more than two feet tall opens up and a box is pushed through, followed behind by an orange cat that leaps up and meows at him to be picked up as the portal closes, its glowing green eyes matching the black cat’s. 

“Okay what’s going on?” Gordon blinks in confusion, receiving another meow from the orange cat making him sigh and pick it up like the black one before he leans over the box now on his floor. “An… Oh my- Is that an air mattress?! What? That- How did-?” Gordon stares at the cats in his arms that simply blink slowly and purr against him. 

“Um… Thank you?” Gordon sits on the edge of his bed unsure of exactly what is happening with him and the cats and the air mattress. 

_ Where did these cats even come from? How did the orange one open a portal? Did he open the portal? How did it even know he was in need of an air mattress?  _

A million other questions he couldn’t hope to immediately answer come to mind, forcing him to take a steadying breath to stop himself from thinking too hard over this at the moment and focus on what his next steps should be. “This is- This is a little weird… I should probably message the Science Team…” And he would have done so, had he not opened his mouth to speak and gotten a face full of calming blue sweet voice out of nowhere, making him fall asleep to the taste of blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers. 

XXXXXXXXX

Gordon woke up from a dreamless sleep, wondering why there was a weight on his chest, not an uncomfortable one, but odd given Joshua usually makes himself known if he’s had a nightmare or is trying to wake him up. It’s not until two pairs of green eyes stare back at him once he cracks his own open that he remembers what happened, finding both cats curled against each other on his chest. With a huff, he scratches behind the ears of both of the cats with his middle arms while grabbing his phone. He scrolls through some news articles before sighing and shifting to get up, both cats sensing this and moving to the side, watching him as he sits up in the bed. 

“Alright, breakfast, then to figure out what the heck you two are…” Gordon watches them for a moment before shaking his head and heading to the kitchen. Not catching that after he turns away both cats vanish through a green portal. Gordon quickly gets into prepping food for himself and Joshua, getting caught in a sleepy morning conversation between the two of them, the strange cats leaving his mind entirely. 

The rest of the morning is spent figuring out how showering should work with six arms and a tail. The tight space of the box shower not really suited for someone that now stands at seven feet tall, having to duck his head under the stream of water to get the shampoo out of his hair while also trying to make sure his tail doesn’t knock the bottles over. He adds that to the list of things the new house needs to have, the steadily growing requirements of the new house making him glad he managed to get little fuss over doubling his hush money when striking the deal with Mr. Coolatta. 

Stepping out of the shower finally clean and drying off it strikes him that it was a particularly strange deal now… How was this supposed to work? If Benrey wasn’t allowed to stay at Tommy’s because Tommy and his dad would supposedly be more of a target from some sort of outside force how would it be any better for Gordon and Benrey to be together in a home and also have Joshua be there as well? (Gordon shivers and hopes he never finds out what would make Mr. Coolatta of all… Beings? Be worried of being detected by.) 

With that terrifying thought he gets dressed and moves to the living room to distract himself with whatever random TV show he could find until Benrey arrives. 

* * *

Benrey and Tommy had hauled up the two boxes of stuff that Benrey had up the four flights of stairs, elevator out of order for whatever reason, and were now standing in front of Gordon’s door in the apartment complex. Benrey mentally couldn’t wait for Gordon to own a house instead because then they didn’t have to walk up all those stairs again as well as being able to defy the laws of physics and shit rather than walk everywhere. Humans suck like that sometimes. 

Tommy knocks and there’s a muttered curse before some shuffling behind the door. There’s a creak behind the door from the floorboards just beyond it before the door opens carefully, Gordon trying to not poke his head out much. “What are you doing?” Benrey raises an eyebrow. 

“Get in here quick okay?” Gordon grumbles, biting at his lip. Benrey is about to question him before he realizes Gordon’s eyes have changed, there’s a fang visible as he bites his lip, and that he’s leaning over heavily. He simply nods and quickly enters, finding that Gordon’s got his arms and tail back, Tommy following in and putting the box that he’s carrying down in the living room before taking in Gordon who’s quickly shut the door with a clearly relieved sigh. 

“Sooo… How long did it take for you to end up like this?” Benrey grins teasingly. 

“...It was literally that night at 3 in the morning.” Gordon sighs, tail swinging behind him in annoyance nearly taking out a decorative plant by the door. “The tail was yesterday.” 

“W-well it’s gonna take a- a bit of practice Mister Free- Freeman! Like riding a- a bike!” Tommy gives Gordon a reassuring smile. 

“Hopefully not too much practice… I’m starting to realize this place is definitely not designed for someone who’s now as tall as I am and has a tail.” Gordon sighs with a wry smile before something occurs to him and he takes off heading towards his bedroom, Benrey and Tommy sharing a confused look with each other before following after Gordon. “Where did they go? I swear they were on the bed and then-” He suddenly pops back out and looks confused around the apartment for a moment. “Huh…” 

“Uh… You lose something, bro?” Benrey asks. 

“Okay so last night there were these two cats? Like they just appeared in my apartment, not mine ‘cause this place doesn’t allow pets, and I haven’t opened up windows or anything because of these-” He waves his arms, “-but they were like weirdly in tune with me or something? I dunno I was trying to figure out how to get an air mattress and they brought one for me?” Gordon scratches at the back of his head, trying to see if he could spot the two cats that had just popped back into his mind. 

“I’m- I’m a little lost?” Tommy frowns, not sure what Gordon’s actually talking about. 

“Same.” Benrey leans against the counter watching Gordon wander around the space looking for the two cats he claimed had been there. “Cats are like, small right?” He gets a nod from Tommy, “How would they be big enough to like, get an air mattress? And why do you need one?”   
  


“It’s boxed up? Like from a store. In my room. For you cause there’s no way in heck I’m letting anyone sleep on that couch again.” Gordon looks up and faces Tommy, “I’m so sorry you had to sleep on that thing the other night. I’m going to be getting a new one for the house when we get there.” 

“It’s okay Mister Freeman? I slept- slept fine.” Tommy tilts his head confused. Benrey heads off to investigate the air mattress Gordon was talking about. 

“Really? Cause I ended up on that after the arms came back and it sucked…” 

“It might- might be because of the arms.” Tommy gives a small chuckle. “But really, I was fine Mister Freeman.” 

“Tommy, you know you can just call me Gordon, right? It’s okay.” Gordon laughs.

“It’s um- force of habit.” Tommy gets a faint blush across his cheeks before both Gordon and Tommy get distracted by Benrey returning. 

“So… What did these cats look like exactly? Any weird features?” Benrey scratches at his chin. 

“No? One was black, the other was orange, and both had green eyes, like mine.” Gordon points to his eyes, slits coming back as he gets nervous of what Benrey’s line of thought might be. “Why?”

  
  
“Well… Until I see ‘em I won’t know for sure. Can’t say nothin’ yet.” Benrey shrugs. 

“Ugh, don’t add another thing to make me freak out about.” Gordon groans in some amount of frustration. 

“Sorry bro.” Benrey rubs the back of his head, eyes cast down to the floor. 

“It’s not your fault.” Gordon reassures Benrey, “Just kinda had some crappy sleep the last two- Wait! They did do something weird! They had sweet voice! At least I think they did? I got a mouthful of blue raspberry last night that’s for sure.” Gordon’s hands wave as he speaks.

“...That’s just weird. No way…” Benrey mulls over this new information. “How could you like, not remember that?” 

“Dude, crappy sleep and worrying about random stuff and Joshua. I’m not like at peak performance right now… Which reminds me, pain med time.” Gordon huffs as he heads to the kitchen. 

“You’re still hurting?” Tommy frowns. 

“Mostly just sore. First night with the arms hurt like a son of a gun. But it is down to mostly aches now.” Gordon says before taking the meds. “Which I’m sure will be back to pain when I finally bother swapping back.”

“Wait, you haven’t tried on your own?” Benrey looks over at him confused. 

“No?” Gordon winces. “It hurt a lot okay? Besides, it’s not like I wouldn’t have attempted it soon. Just… Didn’t want to.” He huffs, crossing his middle arms, lower on his hips as the upper two set down the glass he had and ran through his hair. 

“Aight… Sounds like we’re practicing tonight.” Benrey snorts. 

“Ughhhh…” Gordon groans. 

“Uncle Benny! Dad why didn’t you say uncle Benny was back!” Joshua had poked his head out of his room and immediately came running over to cling to Benrey’s leg making Gordon snort. 

“Sorry bud, was caught up chatting.” Gordon chuckles, catching Benrey’s surprised look at Joshua being so interested in him. 

“Uncle Benny, you need to teach daddy how to stay human looking so we can go to the park.”

“Joshua! Let Benrey settle in before you  _ ask _ him that.” Gordon shakes his head, “Sorry, Benrey.”

“It’s chill, gonna teach your dad good.” Benrey laughs, ruffling Joshua’s hair. 

“You planning on staying Tommy?” Gordon asks.

“I need to head- get back home to Sunkist. But I think you’re in- in good hands!” Tommy smiles. “Feel free to text or- or call if you need anything.” 

“Thanks Tommy, I really appreciate it.” Gordon smiles giving a wave as Tommy heads out. 

“Bye Mister Tommy!” Joshua waves from Benrey’s leg. 

“See ya later, bro.” Benrey chuckles. With a final wave and goodbye Tommy leaves the apartment. There’s a soft meow by Gordon’s foot. 

“Oh there you two are! Where did you two scamper off to?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meow~


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cats, changing back, and a visit to the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI I’M NOT DEAD I SWEAR
> 
> Been crazy busy at work lately and just started my vacation so what better way to do it with a new chapter? :’) 
> 
> Hopefully more soon!

Benrey blinks at the two cats that had appeared by Gordon’s feet before laughing. “Ohhhhhh okay those the cats you were talkin’ about?” He asks as he squats down to take a better look. 

Joshua had other ideas though, quickly kneeling and petting the two cats with a happy giggle. “Daddy! Where did they come from? What are their names?” Joshua smiles as the two cats move up to him purring heavily. 

“Uhhh well… They just sorta appeared Joshie.”

“It’s cause their helpers lil’ dude. They pop in and outta like existence to help your dad with stuff.” Benrey chuckles, deciding to stand back up and lean against the counter. “So you’ll see ‘em plenty and probably a few more from time to time.”

“Wait helper? What does that mean?” Gordon frowns, tilting his head in confusion. 

“You uhhh… You remember my bros? Jeffrem and Josh?” Benrey asks. 

“I uh… What?” Gordon looks super lost.

“My skele-bros.” Benrey says scratching at his chin. “The two that pop up most are Jeffrem and Josh. Like your kitties here. These two are like the leads and any others are backups.”

“Oh…” Gordon grimaces a little at the thought of seeing the skeletons again, something he’s glad Benrey’s picked up on given the nervous shuffling he catches out of the corner of his eye. “Well… I guess names are in order… Hmmm…” Gordon stares at the two cats in Joshua’s arms that stare back at him. “How about… Pumpkin and Spice.”

“Are you really naming them after a coffee flavor, bro?” Benrey snorts, covering his mouth with a hand, Gordon lazily noting the chipped black nailpolish on his fingernails and wondering if Benrey would like other colors before focusing back on the moment. 

“I mean orange and black, orange like a pumpkin, pumpkin spice… I think it’s cute.” Gordon isn’t pouting nope. 

“I’m just teasin’.” Benrey snorts. “Honestly I’m a little surprised how fast these two showed up though, but then again you uhhhh speed ran your whole… Changing thing.” 

“Yeah. I sure did huh.” Gordon says flatly with a shake of his head. 

“Will I have helpers?” Joshua looks up at Benrey and blinks. 

“Uhhh… I dunno kid. You might but uh… I dunno what you’ll be able to do since you’re like… fifty percent human kid.” Benrey gives a small shrug. “But you’re like already doing real good at Xenian stuff so maybe?” Benrey tacks on trying to not let Joshua down for not having the same abilities his dad does. 

“Cool!” Joshua grins happily and goes back to focusing on the cats in front of him which Gordon chuckles at. “You should teach daddy now!” 

“Joshua.” Gordon has a small reminder tone to his voice. 

“Please?” Joshua looks to Benrey with a blink of his blue eyes. 

“Can do kiddo, if your dad’s ready.” Benrey chuckles. 

“As I’ll ever be…” Gordon sighs, looking at Joshua and biting his lip in worry for a moment before, now newly named, Pumpkin and Spice hop up and start moving Joshua to his room. Joshua follows the two cats who mostly close the door to his bedroom leaving just Benrey and Gordon standing in the kitchen. 

“Well uh… Where do ya wanna ‘learn’ then?” Benrey asks once they are sure Joshua isn’t coming out. 

“Bedroom? I guess?” Gordon frowns, hands rubbing the upper arms on all sets. 

“It should be easier this time.” Benrey rubs the back of his head as he pushes off the counter to start heading into the bedroom. “Like Tommy said before, it’s like riding a bike.”

“Yeah except the bike feels like it’s trying to kill me.” Gordon mutters under his breath trying not to psyche himself out of practicing changing again. He’d have to do it anyway at some point, and it’d be better to do it with Benrey’s help rather than without it. Once they are both in the bedroom Gordon shuts the door behind them and stands awkwardly by it. 

“Alright so, this time I figure trying it one part at a time might work better?” Benrey says scratching at his chin. “Like focus on your tail, then arms, then eyes, and so on ya feel?” 

“Okay… So… I guess tail first would be easier.” Gordon sighs before shutting his eyes and trying to focus on not having a tail. Which was sort of a weird thought in and of itself, going from having a tail to not having a tail. And he probably is just standing there looking like a dumb ass with his eyes shut isn’t he…

“Uh… You feeling it?” Benrey pipes up causing Gordon to open his eyes and sigh heavily. 

“No.” He runs his upper right hand through his hair. “I’ve got nothing… I know I felt it when I was doing it all at once but I don’t think trying to do it piece by piece is going to work…” He walks over and flops face first on his bed, getting a pat on the shoulder from Benrey. 

“Then don’t, do whatever works for you bro.” Benrey shrugs, lying back on the bed with his arms crossed under his head. “I know that for me I can do it piece by piece, cause I can shift around my eyes and all that, but like you don’t have the skills just yet and that’s chill.” 

“Mmmm…” Gordon grumbles, scratching at his chin. 

“ Just like… Try again, but do it your way. I’ll be here bro.” Benrey says trying to be supportive but wanting Gordon to try and do this himself. 

“Okay. Gordon’s got this.” Gordon pats his cheeks and tries to change back to human.

* * *

“Hey it only took you like an hour and fourty minutes this time!” Benrey chuckles awkwardly, trying to make Gordon feel better. 

“Mhmm… Shaved ten minutes off, a new record.” Gordon says flatly between heavy breaths that cause his chest to expand and deflate in large movements. 

“Yeah you’ll get silver cup when you do it under forty five minutes.” Benrey’s comment gets a breathy chuckle from Gordon who slowly sits up. 

“Yeah what’s gold cup? And are we doing a platinum cup too? You gonna give me gold star stickers when I make new records and ‘you tried’ stickers when I don’t?” Gordon snickers. 

“Aight, gold is like under fifteen minutes and platinum is obviously under 1 minute bro. Gonna need some mad speed running strats to get that time. But hell yeah stickers are fuckin’ bomb so like obvious we gotta do that now!” Benrey laughs and bounces slight in his excitement for getting Gordon stickers. 

“Oh gosh no! I was joking dude!” Gordon laughs. “Let’s get some lunch and see how Joshie’s doing, I think he might explode if we don’t attempt to head to the park today.” Gordon grunts as he pushes off of the bed. 

“Been jonesing to go huh?” Benrey chuckles, getting to the door first.

“Yeah, and I get it, just… Concerned for how easy it is for me to accidentally change back…” Gordon sighs as he heads to the kitchen a bit stiffly. “I don’t want to disappoint Joshie, but we really can’t chance being seen… Otherwise we’ll-“

“Bro, chill, don’t worry about that right now, okay?” Benrey puts a hand on Gordon’s shoulder. “It’s gonna be totally fine, and if you feel like you're doing any swapping back we head back here, right?”

“Right…” Gordon still looks nervous so Benrey changes topics to try and ease Gordon’s mind a bit. Rambling about spyro as Gordon preps some sandwiches for them, helping as he talks. Gordon loses some of the tension he was holding in his shoulders as they sit down to eat, Joshua having come out with Pumpkin and Spice. 

Food eaten and kitchen cleaned up, they tug on some light jackets and shoes and lock up to head to the park two blocks over. Joshua running ahead and back to Gordon and Benrey on the walk over passing them various presents like little clovers, buttercups, and dandelions. Once they arrive Joshua immediately runs over to the play equipment and messing around with some of the kids already there while Benrey and Gordon sit on a bench to watch over him nearby. Gordon smiles watching Joshua play, waving back whenever he waves from the play equipment. 

Benrey watches Gordon, the way the breeze gently blows his hair around and the soft smile he has whenever Joshua catches his attention. The four little buttercups sticking out bright against his dark brown hair from Joshua’s insistence on putting them there. His heart does a little flip and he forces his eyes away. Gotta be no thoughts head empty right now, Gordon’s expecting him to stay on guard in case he starts changing. But damn does he look cute with the buttercups in his hair. Gah that’s not head empty. 

Eventually Joshua starts getting tired, coming over to Gordon who scoops him up and carries him back to the apartment with a gentle smile on his lips. When they get back and washed up Gordon starts making dinner while Joshua watches a cartoon. Benrey watches as Gordon hums to himself, carefully avoiding Pumpkin and Spice who want to be underfoot as he cooks, buttercups still tangled in his hair. 

Benrey thinks to himself that he certainly could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little shorter than I’d like but I’m getting back into the swing of things ^^;


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bedtime talk and waking up is weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S MY BIRTHDAY AND I SAY NEW CHAPTER DROPS NOW!
> 
> (Also just under a month since the last update so uhhhhh hi?)

Benrey had decided the only place the air mattress should go was Gordon’s bedroom which, despite multiple attempts at explaining why that was not a good idea such as tripping hazard for Gordon or that it would be awkward as hell, Benrey would not budge. So when Gordon rolled his eyes with a sigh and half jokingly said that Benrey should just sleep with him in his bed he had not expected Benrey to take him up on the pseudo-offer. Which looking back on it he really should have. He was the one who in his brilliant panic over his changing body dragged Benrey into his bed with him. Woke up in his- Okay nope stop that thought right there and shove it way down in the back of your mind because nope, not thinking about THAT right now. 

Gordon finally tunes back in with a hand waved in front of his face, “Earth to Gordo? Yo uhhhh if- if ya are like uncomfy about it you could just say so dude. Like I thought we were uhhh cool but if not it’s chill.” Benrey awkwardly kicks at the carpet, looking away from Gordon as a hand scratches the back of his head. 

“Huh- Oh geez, um… I just- I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, dude. Like- I mean I know we slept like in a group at Black Mesa and um… The other night happened but like, only if you’re cool with it.” Gordon stumbles through an attempt at explaining himself and pushing away the floating thought that Benrey biting his lower lip like that was kinda cute. BAD. NO. PUT THAT THOUGHT BACK IN THE HOLE IT CRAWLED OUT OF! 

“Yeah I’m super chill with it dude, like so chill. You won’t find a chiller bro about it. Like just us dudes. Sleepin’. Together. Not weird. Totally chill.” Benrey says, trying to play it off. 

Both now stuck at a standstill in the conversation, but neither moving to start preparing for bed. Gordon can only think this is the stupidest awkward tension he’s ever felt in his life. The only other time was when he’d been in one of the MIT dining halls, ate shit on a small stair step to the sitting area, and dumped a tray full of food all over his eventual Ex-wife. Gordon was lucky that Gina laughed it off and talked with him afterward. Shaking his head both at the tension and the memories Gordon sighs. 

“Alright, then- then I’m going to get ready for bed.” He gives a small wave before heading into the bathroom. Benrey stands there for a minute before kicking into action himself and pulling on some pjs and trades places with Gordon to brush his teeth before climbing into Gordon’s bed. 

Both of them lay on their backs staring at the ceiling before Benrey groans, “Bro, this shit is awkward as hell.”

“I’m not making it awkward! If anyone is making it awkward it’s you!” Gordon huffs in response. 

“Dude, like chill please? I was saying that the whole thing is awkward not blaming you.” Benrey turns and sticks his tongue out at Gordon. 

“Sure you were.” Gordon turns and sticks his tongue out at Benrey back. 

Benrey rolls his eyes, “So anyway, like… Do you think little Freeman is chill to go to Xen?” 

“Wh- Benrey. Joshua is all of six years old! He is not going to Xen.” Gordon frowns, trying to get the slight panic in his chest to go down. 

“We were there when we were all of six?” Benrey raises an eyebrow. 

“Yeah and we are both fully Xenian! Joshie’s half human.” Gordon rubs his face.

“Pretty sure Xen won’t mind. And the kid is cute, Xen’ll love him.” Benrey shrugs. 

“Okay, still not happening but uh question, why do we both refer to Xen as if it was a person? It’s a dimension…” Gordon scratches his head. 

“Cause xe are? You met Xen once, you had to have, xe made us.” Benrey frowns, looking a bit lost. 

“I would think I would remember- Orrrr it’s something that I don’t remember I guess.” Gordon sighs. “But why wouldn’t Xen show xemselves to us before this point? And what exactly did they create us for?”

“I dunno, probably busy with something. And we’re defenders duh. Why do you think you went after everyone? Xen needed you to defend it.” Benrey shrugs.

“But why were you not pulled into that too? Like shouldn’t we have both been in defense mode? And ‘defenders’ of what?” Gordon frowns. 

“Huh… Yeah I probably shoulda been…” Benrey frowns, scratching at his chin before waving Gordon off. “Eh I’m sure Xen has xyr reasons. And defenders of Xen. Like against threats and stuff.” 

“But we can’t do that??? Xen’s a huge dimension, and I have Joshua to look after!”

“Uh well… You can cause we can get all big. You remember?” 

“Well yeah but still! What if it’s like a multi-pronged attack or some shit? Ugh no look, I’m not defending Xen from anything! I have a life here!”

“You are real lucky Xen can’t hear us.” Benrey snorts. “And like we’d be defending Xen together stupid. Plus we got mad regen powers. But yeah… Life here has been a lot nicer…”

“Yeah?” Gordon yawns. 

“Yeah. Like sometimes it’s harder here ‘cause of all of the human rules and junk. But like… Video games exist. And you don’t have to hunt for food or anything. It’s nice…” 

“The only time we hunt for food is grocery shopping.” Gordon snorts. “But, I’m glad to hear you’ve liked Earth.” 

Benrey gives a sleepy chuckle, “Yeah… Earth’s chill.” 

“Earth’s… Chill…” 

* * *

Cracking his eyes open to be greeted by the green sky and red dirt beneath him immediately made Gordon launch into a sitting position. It hadn’t even been a week since Benrey had come back to his apartment. Looking over himself he was somewhat glad to still be human looking but the unease in the pit of his stomach made him wish he wasn’t. In response to his thoughts his body begins changing, making him fall to his knees from how sudden it was. Far faster than when he’d been practicing with Benrey back in his apartment. His body apparently not knowing how to deal with the speed of the transformation, even though he’d been through it multiple times now, decides the best thing to do is pass out. 

When Gordon wakes up he finds himself in the cave he and Benrey called their home. Grunting as he sits up and looks around confused as to how he got there he doesn’t immediately catch the sound of heavy footsteps. When he does however he immediately panics and curls up into a ball trying to make himself smaller. Mentally noting to himself that he really needs to get lessons from Benrey on how not to accidentally make portals to Xen. 

“Hmph… There is no need for that.” A gruff voice calls over to him as footsteps come to a stop about two feet away from where he was curled up. Something is set down before the voice speaks again, “Eat. Then we need to talk.” 

Gordon chances a glance over his tail and immediately regrets it. Whatever this being is, they are very, very large. Easily taller than he is even being fully Xenian, with plenty of arms that could easily pin him down and he’s not a lightweight. 

“Gordon, stop shivering like a child after a nightmare and come eat.” The being growl out, arms crossing. 

“How- how do you know my name?” Gordon mumbles out before he can catch himself. 

“The same as I know Benrey’s. Now focus on eating.” The beings' multiple eyes glaring at him. 

“Who are you?” Gordon frowns, uncurling and slowly making his way to grab the fruit that had been set down. 

“Xen.” The being replies simply, but that makes Gordon pause and stare. “Focus on your food, Gordon.” 

“Wh- But Xen is this dimension? What do you mean?” Gordon was utterly confused but something was tugging at his mind that the being in front of him was Xen. That he’d met Xen in this form before. Some distant memory trying to make its way back to the surface. 

“Questions come after food, otherwise we’ll be here all afternoon and I have other matters to deal with, child.” 

“Child? I’m-” Gordon pauses before taking a better look and realizing he did know xem. The memory popping to the forefront of his mind. Xe was the one who created him, told him to stay in the cave and wait for another creature to come along. It was the first and only time prior to now that Gordon had ever seen xem. 

“I see you remember now.” Xe roll all xyr eyes with a huff. “Took you long enough.”

“You- I- Why are you- How did- Wh- what is- Why would-” Gordon felt like a million questions were trying to surface from a sea of ever more of them. So many trying to bubble out of him like Benrey’s sweet voice. He could barely think straight there was so much he wanted to ask. 

“I am bound to this dimension, I cannot leave myself.” Xen says with little change in tone. “Again your questions will be answered, child. But you need strength, so eat.” Xe gesture to the food they brought. 

Seeing as he was getting nowhere with xem for now, Gordon actually takes the fruit into his hands and eats, mind still whirring away to figure out his actual questions for Xen.

**Author's Note:**

> Yo hope you all enjoy this! I'm themarginalartist over on tumblr as well if you wanna shoot me an ask or anything. Also just kinda generally taking HLVRAI prompts too so feel free to drop by for those as well.
> 
> \-------------
> 
> Small update: There is now an ask blog I run over on tumblr that's an AU of this AU lol. 
> 
> Come check it out over at https://blackmesaerd.tumblr.com/ 
> 
> It's got a rather... different plot than this fic but all the characters you know and love. (Plus some new ones too!)
> 
> And Xenians, can't forget the Xenians :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [What Do You Mean It's My Job?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29099994) by [Burnt_Owl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burnt_Owl/pseuds/Burnt_Owl)




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